KateThoughts

2018 - Done & Over. What will begin with tomorrow's dawn?

It's New Year's Eve.

I'm not sure what will appear on this page, but my readings this morning have encouraged me to take a look at last year, and/or contemplate the New One coming.

My personal evolution has been profound in some ways this year. I like what I wrote about it last July.
My more open heart is holding steady. I'm gentler with myself.

I will break William's glass today.

I think I have not written about this anywhere... The back story:
William is my bow mentor, my archery instructor, and a crazy man with an odd world view. He is many things to me, not all of them comfortable.
One day I went to him with a heart and mind full of angst and confusion. We talked, then he led a meditation for us. And at the end of our time that day he gave to me a tall glass (just a Bahama Mama cocktail glass!) and told me that one day I would be ready to break that glass. I don't remember all his actual words, but they have come to live in me, and now it is time. It has been time for a bit, but I have hesitated over breaking the glass, wanting to be sure that the changes are real and that evolution is really happening.  But today is the last day of a year of transition. Today is a good day for breaking things like old habit energy and cocktail glasses.

I've asked Jessica to come by if she can.   

I'll be breaking with old habits.

Now what do I want to attract in the New Year?
More music! More Kate & Mel!
I met these two women thru a mutual friend. Hallelujah!! 
They make music like you wouldn't believe. Mel has a voice like an absolute angel! (she IS one, I think)
And Kate brings a calmness, a personal confidence in herself, a huge ...compassion seems closest to what I feel from her.
Not to mention her skills on all my percussion toys! I am very happy in their company.

And they aid and abet the torch singer that I bring to our Tuesday Karaoke sessions something fierce!
And the harmonies we three can make fill my ears with magic and my heart with such a profound joy!

It feels a tad tricky to come up with one overriding "something" to place as a focus for 2019.  The KISS principle (Keep It Simple, Sweetie) is the best thing for me.
So, in 2019, I will be more consistently compassionate and will listen more than I speak. 

To that end, I will continue to take better care of my physical self, as well as my psycho/spiritual evolution.

Over two years since the last post. Still crazy, in my fashion, worrying about it less...

So much has changed since I last came here to type some stuff.

Joel's dead.
Maxie's dead.
Bearly went to live with the in-laws (sort of).
The In-laws (aka best friends) are just barely past the crisis point of their own Huge medical issue; I've been pet-sitting in their house for over a month now.  My Best Friend is entertaining a friend of hers who I do not like at all... just sayin'.., and I miss her.
And my sweet nephew is living thru his own version of hell. His is manifesting as Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, Major Depression, some acting-out that docs have called Psychosis, and the ending of his 7 year relationship.
In and around all this stuff, I'm living thru the stages of my grief; learning stuff, still denying some, putting on weight, and thinking about setting some goals.

Quite a ride.

Just drove 1350 miles to Tulsa and back last Sunday-Tuesday. By. My. Self! That is big - HUGE. I've been wondering how I would get to some of my friends farther afield without my spouse and main driver since I succumbed to road-induced hypnosis and drove off the road many years ago.
I won't be worrying about that anymore! :)

Also found out that all those years of coach training are still there and NOT wasted because I didn't start a business.
Seems I listen pretty well. Mediate well. Diffuse drama. Talk straight. and Own my mistakes as soon as I see them.

His parents have brought my nephew, just today, to Lubbock where he may go into a residential program at a facility there. Not the worst idea..maybe the best. I like it that he is closer; that he won't go straight into one of his parents' houses. That he'll get some assessments and maybe some adjustments/changes to meds, etc. He's scared. So is everyone else who loves him. So am I.

But not too much. I feel a bit like I've found a way to make use of SO many things in my life that I have undervalued. My own depression and years of various talk therapists included..my Self, too. I feel useful. That is a good thing.

The aging part is interesting. I really appreciate the perspective that these years provide. I find I still have great stamina...in spite of being over twice as old as my nephew.

I'm old enough, now, to know that life is Good, even when it isn't.  

I just got Medicare! a celebration and a TIP!

Approaching 65?

***WHAT NO ONE WILL TELL YOU!!***

Everything I researched (& I did a LOT) will happily tell you about Medicare Parts A,B,C, & D.

A & B are the two parts of 'Medicare'; you'll probably want them both. B has costs.
D is for Drugs; you'll want one of those, too, probably.

Part C is the TRICKY one; the 'Advantage' -type plans...stuff like AARP wants to sell you.
There MAY be real reasons why this is good for you... can't think of any for myself.

PLAN F are the ones you will not hear about. In my Opinion, they are by far the best.
With a Plan F, you will pay a monthly premium (like ALL the C plans) and
THERE WILL BE virtually NO OTHER COSTS: no deductibles, no co-pays; use your own docs... COOL.
I just got mine; Joel has had hers a few years already.
There has been ZERO out-of-pocket costs for her...

Please ask me or - BETTER YET - Ask your favorite trusted insurance agent. Mine is Doug Dent, a prince who covers a LOT of NM.

I used to have a 'bookmarked' page from the medicare(dot)gov site that was a chart of ALL the plans available. They ran/run alphabetically from A to N, and did indeed include Plan F options.
Interestingly, all I get now is a 'page not found' message. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...?!

With a Google search for "medicare plan f" I did find this link:
http://www.medicare.gov/publications/pubs/pdf/02110.pdf 

It appears to be the same chart. It is a pdf document; the chart is on page 11. Please note that Plan F is the ONLY one to cover everything.

So, you CAN find it; but, only if you know to look.
Cousins, sibs; you're right behind me. Heads up!

I truly have no idea why this is a deep dark secret. And I would NOT have known about it if it were not for my most excellent Doug Dent (linked above).

 

And just so you know... For my 65th b-day celebration, I will be jumping off a bridge over a river on Cape Cod. I expect it to be MUCH more fun than the mechanical bull I rode (briefly) on my 55th. :)   No, not a bungee jump; just me leaping then getting wet! I thought I had a picture of it but can't find one...  there WILL be one after the jump. See you...

 

The Music Sanctuary

I have my own room now. I've mentioned it on FB, but I don't think I've shown you here...and it is spectacular! Here are some shots of it.

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

(each is clickable for a larger view)

The first image will give you a general feel for the room. The chair is now a little farther back into the corner. I removed a closet door and replaced it with curtains to make space. The painting is one done by my Aunt Conny, and there is a piece of my step-Mom's crochet on the lamp. The window now has curtains, too; blue, of course. That black & brown unit under the guitars is a humidifier.

The second one is there to show you a sense of the 'sanctuary' part. I do my morning meditations and some Pilates in here, too.But the wall has changed. I lowered the little shelf unit and added a junk store treasure.

The third shot shows off that little treasure. The fourth shot is detail of the piano part.
Please notice the wonderful ribbon I found to hang it with; it's music staff ribbon with a real antique look. This room makes me smile; whether I'm in it or not is not relevant to the feeling.

And now, for your listening pleasure (or tolerance) is some more stuff. I'm still working on getting volume levels right.

This first one is Tradd and me playing Dust in the Wind, by Kansas:

Next is this one of me playing with Sting on Fields of Gold, by way of YouTube and the computer (which is one of the reasons there is a computer in the room).

 

And lastly, is a Reggae Improv with Tradd. Just learning different rhythms.

 

Thanks for listening (if you did). And thanks for all the great things some of you have said. I can NOT possibly tell you how much fun this is. I've begun playing some with a friend who sings sometimes at Karaoke. We used to have places with Open Mic Nights, but the last one closed up a few weeks ago. I guess I'll start holding some kind of jam sessions in the den now & then. Anyway, it is wonderful fun and closer to passion than I have been in years!

Poetry from the Past

My brother, Bill, has been finding treasures lately among the family photos and papers. Here is a poem he found; there was no date. It may have been written by our grandmother, putting the date around 1918 or so. If it was HER mother... wow...no...her mom wouldn't have written of sufferagettes. 

 

When Mamma was a Girl.

 

       When Mamma was a girl.

Girls didn’t wear a slitted skirt,

Red petticoats, and mannish shirts,

Drive autos, shoot and smoke and flirt.

       When mamma was a girl

Maids never longed to sufferagette,

Or earn their living by their sweat,

Or have a poodle for a pet

       When mamma was a girl.

They never on a horse rode stride

They never had their ankles eyed

It seems they had what they called pride

       When Mamma was a girl

They didn’t go like Toms and Dicks

And have two legs as plain as sticks

Nor did they ponder fuss and fix

       When Mamma was a girl.

“But Tin” was still an uncoined word,

A “Chicken” but a homely bird,

And “Oh! You Kid”, was never heard

       When Mamma was a girl.

I cannot understand a bit

How they contrived to manage it

How in their eyes the love got lit

       When Mamma was agirl

Life must have been quite dull and slow

I don’t see hoe they got a beau

In that pathetic long ago

       When Mamma was a girl.

My Chibees

I borrowed that term Chibees from friend and fellow student Marc. He's center front; flanked on the left by sifu Jim, and yours truly.

Back row from left is Sidney, Connie, Gary, Vicki, Annette, Mary, and Tony. Missing that day were Barbara, Len, Clara, and Cleis. I'll catch them on film one of these days.

This particular photo was taken by Marc.

Just one more for today ~ another feel-good post

Today is the 15th anniversary of my wedding to Joel. Hooray for us. Here's "our song"...

I love you, baby girl.
Thanks for hanging in there and being such a great teacher.
What a trip we're on...   :)

New Lyrics to a great old song.

Joel & I rewrote the lyrics to You Are My Sunshine, shortly after we were married. We're hitting 15 years next week! Yea Us!!

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll always know, dear, how much I love you,
And our sunshine is here to stay.

I was going to post a YouTube video or two, but the real lyrics are SOOOO sad...

Forget your troubles, come on, get Happy!
We're gonna chase all the Blues away.

Read This... a suggestion, not an order... :)

There is a great conversation happening over at No Safe Distance on giving & connectedness.
Check it out and join in if you care to.

Also, my 'guest post' for Time Goes By is posted now. It's called "Hope & Fear" and is posted here:
http://www.timegoesby.net/weblog/2009/01/hope-and-fear.html  

Sharing some pics

Christmas 2008

This has been a very interesting season. For now, I'm going to tell you about the last couple of days and how I spent my Christmas time.

Almost first thing, after starting the coffee, was my morning walk. The coolest thing has developed: Mango goes with me! He really likes the walk, and becomes impatient (so it seems) if I take too long to get to it - or if I don't get to it at all.
Here is that cutie pie:
Our walk is only a half mile circuit, but it has some BIG hills. I guess that Mango covers about 3 times the distance that I do.

Christmas Eve morning was gorgeous. We were out early enough to see the morning sun hit The Mountain.

So. yeah, you can't really see anything for the trees, but it was great. And contrasted sharply with this morning. We had sunshine for our walk, but the western sky (where The Mountain sits) was gray & cold & promising interesting weather for later on... I tried a picture, but it showed even less that this last one did. 

We always see deer, usually in the yard as they were this morning:
This shot shows a buck at the end of the driveway, and more of his herd across the street in the meadow.

Carmel met us in our neighbor's drive way, but won't take the walk with us. We've finally got some great shots of him:
Here's a closeup of Mango, too.

I love the way the light hits his fur in this one.  Be sure to click on it to see it larger.

Aren't our boys beautiful?!

OK...that was Christmas morning until about 7:30 or 8:00.
Now it's time to get down to the food.
Carol & Nancy came over for breakfast. Nancy brought a terrific casserole of grits, cheese, green chili, and eggs. I made my famous (Rachel Ray) bacon: thick sliced with brown sugar and red chili flakes. We had some outstanding sour dough bread that Carol brought, and a Finnish Breakfast braided bread that Nancy & I found in a Great Harvest bakery in Albuquerque on Monday. If there is one of those any where near you, check it out. They grind their own grain and the baked goods are wonderful.

Here we are enjoying the feast: Nancy, Carol & Joel in that order left to right. That's me, behind the camera.

And now, I'm enjoying playing with the blog and thinking of stuff. And enjoying some quiet. Everyone's gone right now; some to the Casino, Nancy to her family across town.
I'm heading to the bath tub to enjoy a soak & a good book. Later on, we'll meet at the baby casino (The Travel Center) for a family-style turkey dinner...unless it just seems like a better idea to order pizza or eat left-overs.

For my money, this day has been about perfect so far.
I'd love to be seeing my brother & sister, but I'll see them soon; and on holidays they tend to be followed by lots of other people and quite a bit of noise.

There is one really special thing that happened this year I want to tell you about. You may not really understand, but it won't matter; I got it.
In a recent conversation with my friend Shaula my Mom's quillows came up. Mom made some years ago; mine had a cat on it. Shaula saw it years ago - oh, maybe 15 or more. She loved it and commissioned Mom to make some for her & her girls which Mom did...all five of them. And Shaula & her girls still have them & love them. Shaula found out that mine was gone. (Why it's gone is another story for another time.)
In any case, Shaula came over on Christmas Eve with a gift for me - we usually only exchange cookies or such.

Shaula had packed up her own quillow and brought it to me.
I have one of my Mom's quillows again! Oh, the bawling that went on...we had Joel & Carol crying too. It was so sweet and so touching. Thanks, Shaula.

And for those who don't know, a quillow is a cross between a quilt & a pillow. They're usually about lap rug size, as these Mom made are. The quilt has a special pocket into which the quilt folds, so that it can sit out on your couch and look just like a beautiful pillow. Here's my 'new' one:

I wanted a good shot of it unfolded, but Mango got involved and is now certain that the quillow is his. We will have to talk.

And for a final treat, I believe it has begun to snow.

Love & Joy to you & yours

Mick's gone now.

I think he's happy about that. You can't get much sicker than he was, and I believe he's been pleasantly surprised by what he has discovered since his passing. 

Joel & I went to Lubbock for a family memorial for him. What was originally expected to be about 50 family members at a private gathering turned into about 150 of family, friends, and business associates. Our family's been in Lubbock since dirt was invented and it was warm & wonderful to find so many who wanted to express their concern for us in general, and Mickey's family in particular.

Susie, Mickey's wife, and both their children, Kim & Jason were there with their spouses and Kim's children.
It had been way too long since I had seen them.

I was really impressed with the gathering. It was not a funeral. more like a wake, actually. We met at Craig's, my uncle and Mick's older brother. Conny, the aunt I mentioned in a previous post was able to attend - on furlough from the rehab center where she is recovering from her surgery. There were lots of aunts & uncles & cousins & friends. I was especially happy to see Jo, my (late) Mom's best friend. What a pleasure to see that shining face.

My second cousin Harvie spoke briefly, and my cousin Eric. But both held themselves to remembrances and stories - no sermons or homilies. We shared laughter more than tears. Craig had also arranged for two talented bagpipers to be there (the McDonald clan is Scot). One played Amazing Grace, the other played a Scotish piece I didn't know but it was wonderful.

The whole evening left me feeling warm and connected and happy. You know what I mean; not happy that Mickey is gone, but happy that he was remembered in that way and that Susie & Kim & Jason could be with such a big loving family thru their own struggle with his end. It was the sort of memorial to be proud of, I think.

Thanks all of you, for your prayers and light. They were felt & warmly received.
:)