KateThoughts

Happy New Year 2021

(copied from post at Itsa Village)

This new year is not the marker we all want right now. I hear people talk about 'getting back to normal' or 'the New normal'.
I think it is way too soon to make guesses about how that will look. There is this nice clean New Year, though. Each of us must make of it what we will.

Here is Pentatonix's version of Auld Lang Syne:

And this link is to a good article about the song and its lyrics.

And the lyrics:

Auld Lang Syne by Robert Burns

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely you'll buy your pint cup!
and surely I'll buy mine!
And we'll take a cup o kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we've wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

And there's a hand my trusty friend!
And give us a hand o thine!
And we'll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne*?

For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
well take a cup o kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp!
and surely I'll be mine!
And well take a cup o kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

We twa hae run about the braes,
and pud the gowans fine;
But weve wanderd mony a weary fit,
sin auld lang syne.

We twa hae paddld i' the burn,
frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roard
sin auld lang syne.

And theres a hand, my trusty fiere!
and gie's a hand o thine!
And well tak a right gude-willy waught,
for auld lang syne.

https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2020/12/31/auld-lang-syne-meaning-239618

December 26, 2020

Six days left in this year - 2020.  

Jess and I spent yesterday together. It was Great! Our time was about being together, though and only incidentally about Christmas.
I'm going to miss her something fierce!! She leaves on the 29th. She's in a transition period, too. Questioning her profession and her motivations; taking online classes; and contemplating 3 months living with FOO (family of origin) in Texas while she does the online work. 
We had such a good talk... hours worth. If I could have special ordered a daughter from the cosmos, she is it.

What prompted me to open this post today is a sentence I read in HCR's (Heather Cox Richardson) newsletter today.
"A reminder, if anything can help in these dark times, that Christmas marks the time when the light starts to come back." 

I've joked for years that Dec. 22nd is the first day of Spring because the days start getting longer and the daylight lasts longer. 
But in HCR's sentence today, I heard many more levels of thought about what constitutes the 'light'. Brilliant!
(LOL, light and brilliance! Illumination everywhere!!)

This whole year for me has been enlightening.   :)       
In late January I had a guided 'shrooms experience that was less than I expected (!), but that triggered some definite somethings! 
I had just started working with a therapist - largely because I wanted to be able to talk about the 'trip'. I didn't find him until the week before, but he turned out to be a good choice. (I furloughed him in late November.)

In February my sibs and I sold the family farm. Lots of reasons having to do (mostly) with our aging and Susan's
unwillingness to manage it all for the next generation. 
The timing of that sale was absolutely perfect; we closed on February 28th. As of that date, I had heard about Covid, I think, but without huge concern. The closing had been postponed once or twice, and I remember a feeling of urgency in getting that done.
But I'm not sure of the timing, really.
The results of that sale made it possible for me to pay off my mortgage, and clear the last of the credit card debt. 
THAT was the act/miracle that made it financially possible for me to ride out the pandemic, since the revenues that had come from my royalties dropped drastically and have still not recovered much. 

And then came March...with Ides! Now ides, really, is just the 15th. Every month has one.

If you've forgotten why the phrase, "Beware the Ides of March" is familiar to you, see Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar.
Our Brutus this year has been Covid, almost unimaginably abetted by our very own President & Congress.
If you are interested in a very good overview of this whole year, and more, I refer you to HCR's "Letters From an American".  

By May or June I had changed the therapist from bi-monthly to monthly.
(BTW, he works by phone and is very good: Dr. Ken Kenney; you can find him online.)       

Ken asked me a question this summer that was a Super Trigger for accessing new insights.
He asked, "In what ways have you been complicit in fostering/maintaining the sense that you are worthless?" 
That's really more of a paraphrase. But you get the point, I'm sure.

So did I.
"in what ways..." Not Why.

I admit that one of my first thoughts was, 'F%ck! So it really IS my fault'. Symptomatic? yes...
And when I have countless hours with little distraction expect social media...
(I wonder what makes anyone think that online anything is really Social). 
The answers are/were myriad and one or two came to mind immediately.
The internal work I did from that, has been transforming!
Because my kind of mental illness was imposed upon me, not genetically created or informed by gross abuse.
I drank the kool-aid willingly and often eagerly. And even imposed the same thoughts into the minds of other people before I knew better.

I've had a Lot of therapists in my life. Most of them were good, a couple were Excellent, and one or two did more damage than help.
Whatever...  I got here. "Here" is a very good place, now.   :)
Suffice it to say that I had a very strong Snail Slime attitude about who and what I was. Unattractive, not smart, ugly and fat. Well...fat is relative. it's the inner dialogue about the fat that shows the damage, and with work can effect the change.

I'm not going into any sort of detail here. A few reasons:
1. Most of you have seen the behavior that resulted from my less-well thoughts.
2. Blame solves nothing.
3. One can not parent better than they know.
4. Everyone in my life - Every One - intended good to me. (Insert here your own thoughts about "good Intentions".)
5. This attitude/affliction (imo) effects maybe 70% of Westerners, and about 85-90% of Americans.
6. Religion should be classed and a schedule 1 narcotic and rated X.  And not just my own cradle religion.

Yes. I'm still knee-jerking a bit over religion.

In most other areas of my mental/psychological life, I am truly content.
I've learned that I love Social Events, such as our Karaoke nights (of old). But mostly, I enjoy solitude.
I know that there is NO such thing as a negative emotion.
They are responses to stuff and should be accepted as true and honored, felt, and sometimes examined.

I noticed just yesterday that All of the dogs I know Like Me! And I think most dogs aren't fond of snail slime.  LOL!!

So, good day to you.
May your new year bring love, enlightenment, companionship, and peace to your hearts. <3

 

 

                                       

                                   

 

                                

Ruminations on July 4, 2018

 

I am ridiculously happy these days. Smiles come easily. Belly is more relaxed.

Today is overcast. and cool: about 70 degrees. The tourists from Texas and Mexico are probably delighted. They are everywhere, by the way. Tourists, I mean. 

Some brilliant family has begun renting kayaks, paddle boards, and canoes down at Grindstone Lake (reservoir). Excited to try the first two... would canoe with congenial company.

This is the 4th of July that fell on a Wednesday.  It is unusually quiet, but sounds are picking up. ( currently about 3:30 pm)

I was sitting on the porch enjoying some herbal medication and thinking about this day for this country. Ruidoso is a town with a tourist economy which seems to mean that most people here are either celebrating with parties or at local venues, or serving those people in some way. 

Now...I"m just rambling. .. 

I've begun to know that I am not patriotic. Used to be long ago. 
I didn't put out a flag; in fact, I threw away the one I had. 
I'm a little embarrassed to be American these days. I'm loosening up on this 'judgement' thing, but a woman does have standards.

To me, patriotism...or rather, Patriotism, is tribalism. And the more we keep pointing out our differences... 

Awww... 
all this has been said before by tons of others. Let's just say, I'm not singing anthems today. :)

(Disclaimer: I DID fly the Gay flag all through June)

 

I'd rather say a bit about happiness and how it manifests for me. or manifested. ( I have come to believe that Jim is right when he says that words can tend to complicate communication unnecessarily. )
The "stuff" of my years: experiences; upbringing; education & indoctrination; religion, etc., has been piling up in my brain for Years. Often I felt frustrated and somehow punished by knowing that the information was in me (brain) but absolutely Not of me (heart). 

And one day, I said to myself, "What if...?"

What if I really am made of stardust?
What if I am not different, no better-no worse, than any other human on this or any other planet?
What if those people who say they love me, really do?

I Say I believe those things (I said to myself some months ago)
What do I Really believe? And what does it take (cost) me to hold the beliefs I do?

For me to continue to believe (and Behave!) as if I am a little trail of snail slime, I have to assume that almost everyone I know: family, friends, teachers, mentors, lovers...were/are all liars. They never said good things about me because they were true; it was always because they were 'being nice'. 

So one other day, I saw a really pretty snail crossing a step on the patio early one morning. in the sun. 
Her trail was sparkly and beautiful.  Who knew? 
It was weeks before that insight got past my ego's filters, but I Did finally get that. :)

I've know for decades where & how my low self-esteem was generated, and I had/have intellectually rejected that indoctrination.
Why was it only and still intellectual?  (Redundant and Rhetorical.)

What if...
...I behaved as if I AM made of stardust?
... as if I'm just like everybody else?
...as if people really do love me?

And over some few months I noticed more of my internal language; I smiled and accepted the regards of my friends; I talked less and listened more; I meditated much more...

...and I got Jessica...my daughter who wasn't but is. 
...who is a version of me as I was back then (she's 41). 

And my heart has opened and I am not the same, just so much more me... Life is good. 

Insight inspired by a FB post...who woulda thunk it?!

"Thanks for expanding your thought. I can't quite grasp how any of those conditions would require that I relinquish my dignity. Is not the path thru the last moments of leaving this physical plane still the 'same' path, and therefore the right path (because it's mine & personal)? Oh! I just had a flash of personal insight...gotta go. But thanks. This has never happened to me online before... Thanks."

What struck me, like a flash, in the midst of writing this comment (above) on a post, is that I heard him the way I did so that I could notice that I - I have looked at old people in various distances from that 'window' and felt pity for them - which is me stripping them of dignity. In. My. Own. Heart.

And in the 'flash' I knew that those people lost nothing because I was only semi-conscious and had no spiritual maturity. Their dignity is internal, as is mine.     So I needn't fear that I may become a drooling fool and no one will love me. It won't matter whether they do or they don't, or whether ... 

Well...it was a cool flash. I won't lose it. It's a lot to grasp all at once.

        I love my life.

 

Oh, Yeah!!

I just ordered new cards and had them write on it...Omnicrone!       Wahoo!!

Two Tales

The Good The Bad, and the Ugly...

The Good:
My current pet-sitting clients use the Green Chef home meal service and forgot to cut off the deliveries soon enough, so I inherited 3 meals to use for myself.  Yay! Yippee! I've always wanted to know something about these services.
The quality of food in this service is Very Good. Everything seems completely fresh; all is organic; and all is portioned out for easy prep and cooking. I've tried 2 of them so far, and both were very tasty. No complaints at all about flavor or ease. My clients are on a 2-person plan. There are several plans based on how you eat: Omnivore, Carnivore, Vegetarian, Vegan, Gluten-Free, & Paleo.

The Bad:
This plan is NOT good for single people. There is way too much food for one, and (at least these 3) are not ingredients that will necessarily freeze well. Also, the company has NO plans suitable for singles, and NO plans that deliver fewer than 3 meals a week except for Families...and with those you're getting food for 4. NOT an option for me.

The Ugly:
The Green Chef believes that their packaging is Eco-Friendly. They devote a whole page of their website to it. But they don't take into consideration where their customers might live. I've found plastic jars in 2 of the meals, and as many as 11 (yes, eleven) plastic bags in each...ALL of them UNrecyclable in my location, unless I want to drive 89 miles to Las Cruces. Now, that is really Ugly.

A Minor Miracle:

As I was cooking a bit ago, I reached for a 32 oz bottle of olive oil (almost full) that I proceeded to drop on the floor! The miracle? The bottle landed standing UP and did not break! Whew!

I got a small EVOO facial and a few spots on my clothes (still in my day-dress, doesn't matter a whit!), and probably much less than a 1/4 cup splashed on floor, cabinet door and stove. Actually, this is a fairly major miracle when I consider what might have been  :)


I love my life.

Ferangstall

The new word is Ferangstall.

It is Ferocious.  and Ferociousness ......and.......Angst
...................and............Anger
..................................and.........Stalling(? yes, probably..)
.................................................and........................................Drama... certainly...
And All Mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And the toothaches subsided, and then came back like a bad habit. This morning, I had two teeth removed and am on antibiotics, myself, now. And they leave a hole that will show. And I am even more vain than I knew.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About the last thing that happened at AHC of Glendale was a meeting with a speech/cognition therapist. Part of the time all three of us were there. Then she sent me out for a bit while she & Joel did some tests. Then she had me come back. There are some definite issues with Joel's cognition. She is easily distracted; her short-term memory sucks; she can become mildly or moderately paranoid; and some of these symptoms may not go away. Some may. 
No way to know. Both of us miss Chris, the therapist.

She is back in the hospital, but set to go to another rehab as soon as the right wound vac equipment can be ordered and delivered. Perhaps tomorrow, Sunday, the 14th. Maybe Monday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, I say I don't want guests and what do I get? Unannounced guests. As soon as Kathryn and Marcia heard that Joel had been readmitted to the hospital, they got in their little car and drove 500 miles to see us. Thankfully, they called me from Tucson so I had a couple of hours to settle into the realization that they were really almost here, and to get over the thoughts of the things they could have brought me had they only asked!  (yes, I'm still me)

And also thankfully, they didn't call because I would have thought of a ton of reasons for them not to come. They stayed only two nights - in my bungalow. It worked! I wish I had had the camera in my hand when Joel saw them standing in the doorway of her room.  Priceless.

It was wonderful. They fed me twice and filled the frig with yummy leftovers. We shared a few beers and lots of laughs and I didn't know how much I needed the sight of a familiar face until I saw theirs.
They left again on Friday, seeing Joel again on the way out. So, in addition to taking care of our two dogs, they drove 1000 miles for us between Wednesday morning and Friday night. It was a perfect experience for me, and extremely generous of them. How can Thank You be enough for that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As for busy brains, I found this:
 

Time for bed...maybe a tylenol... sweet dreams, kiddos.

 

Another truth is that...

I LOVE this shit. The 'angst' and all...  need a name for it..  Maybe Angstall... open to suggestions.  :)

anyway...

It's dramatic; intense; emotional... things I love...had to take a few years of Holotropic Breathwork  to get the emotion OUT, and learn to be ok with that. And now I'm a big advocate for its value.

and Powerful & empowering.  Like F YOU, (overwhelm, traffic, dementia, what EVER you decide to throw at me)...including Joel's apparent conviction that I am abandoning her to horrible torture.

it's very ventilating...head & heart are always clearer afterwards. I can get  tad prideful about that, but it's a phase.

and it's MINE.  It lets me know that the load is too heavy (in that moment); it's calling my attention to a better and different reason to treat myself better. It's my voice. it belongs to no one else.

So all in all 'school' is fine. I would like to be able to carve out a few days of absolute solitude...but so far, I don't see a reasonable way to that that is just not more self-ISH than I can manage right now.

I'm fine with that, too.   For now.

 

AZ...a little more

This trip is very little like I expected and exactly like I expected and I'm missing/running from part of the trip...maybe.

I just read the last couple of posts while I had breakfast  - scrambled eggs and cheese. I've got a toothache (getting much better) but have been eating eggs and soups and mashed potatoes for 3 days. Really tired of that menu.    :)   Happy it's been easy to find/make. Mayo always has at least one soup on the menu, and their food is very good.

What I've been running from is the opportunities for meditation that exist in my little bungalow. From the moment I leave this place in the morning I'm bombarded with noise, constantly, until I return here in the evening. The quiet is WAY more valuable to me than I ever knew. Living in a city will be a challenge...though one we may undertake when we get the house sold.

(BTW: I asked a respiration therapist about the differences between Joel's breathing here and at 7000 ft. They won't predict, of course, but she did say that there is a test that can be done as part of Joel's rehab that will simulate high altitude and give us an idea. Who knew?!

Several nights I've been getting home as late as 8:30 or 9:00. By the time I have some food, and clean something, it's already late... So I typically switch to a book...another distraction, rather than just sitting down and contemplating my navel.
It's a switch-off between total escape into a good mystery or a lighter version of spiritual reading: Esther Hicks' kids' series about Sara, or David Michie's The Art of Purring.

I had/have/could have a chance to spend time with a friend of a friend who is a psychic, animal communicator, healer, medium, and massage therapist. But I've put him off twice. First, he wants me to drive to him...and I don't fancy unnecessary driving. Just the commute home is half an hour. And, secondly, he's a he, and about 25 years younger, and all those things I just mentioned. All of which I could probably use, but none of which I really 'get' (except the massage, of course).

It seemed intriguing at first; now I'm nervous about it, uncertain, and a tad not ready. All I can really do right now is to follow my gut and let it go..and him go...

And I'm going to say, just this one time - in this blog where I think I am safe, that I'm fearful of our cash flow situation now, and for this year. We're using the savings to keep me here with Joel. While we have awesome insurance and ALL of her costs are covered by Medicare and insurance, mine are not. They are deductible next year, but are out-of-pocket right now. Also, Texas is underwater, so the cotton crops are in jeopardy. If the planting is not done by June 5th, crop insurance won't cover anything, and that seems nigh on to impossible to accomplish.
There has, maybe, been no time when meditation could be more valuable to me - and no time that it has felt harder to do. Michie's cat is telling me best... known as HHC, she is His Holiness's the Dahli Lama's  Cat... :)

And still I run. Jim's voice is in my head a lot! and I wish...
but wishing doesn't make it so. and while I am good at physically hard stuff, I'm not good at spiritually hard stuff.  Not a fun realization..

And here I go again into tears. I'm seeing now, that despite everything I THOUGHT I had learned, my self esteem still sucks BIG TIME. I can't seem to get myself high enough on my own list of priorities.
One moment I congratulate myself on noticing that, and the next, I chide myself for what seems like so much wasted time.

And how on earth did it get to be 9:30 and I still haven't showered... gotta to be me...best one I can access today.  

TTFN

 

Video of the new Mango

 

 

My boy is doing really well. Film quality is my crappy phone. Bottom line; he gets around well and comes to mama more often. Wins for me and he seems fine with it all. Another little Buddha, this one a three-legged. I'm so happy for all my gurus; they come in all sizes, colors, and temperments.   : )

 

A Pretty Nice Thanksgiving...

 

 

 

 

 

 

We were eight for dinner yesterday. I didn't think to take the 'after' picture, or the buffet spreads... should have. And my picture of the turkey is no good; I hope Carol's is better. If so, I'll post it. It was a GORGEOUS turkey, perhaps the prettiest I've ever made (credit to Michael Simon). The secret to a beautiful browned skin is to cover the bird in a few layers of seasoned-butter cheesecloth and then leave the bird alone in the oven.

And I wish I'd photographed the Veggie Pie... I say, this was my year for Pretty, and I didn't document... no doubt fond memories will suffice. :)

We had a pot-luck menu, from talented cooks.

Soupe au Potiron (Savory Pumpkin Soup)

Herb-Roasted Turkey with Onion-Apple Dressing and Pan Gravy

Sweet Potatoes with Marshmallows  ~  Broccoli Cheese Casserole
Double Crust Vegetable Pie
Yeast Rolls and Butter

Salade de Poireaux (Leek Salad)

Wines ~ Beer ~ Tea ~ Fresh Lemonade

Sweet Potato Pie ~ Chocolate Meringue Pie ~ Pumpkin Pie ~ Fudge



Did I say we ate well? Why, yes; we did. : )

To begin, each of us read a quote about Gratitude from a bowl passed around the table. Then we toasted my Dad with a version of his "Big Orange" That was served in the small flutes with a slice of Orange. It's really nothing more than a vodka cocktail that he had every day about 3 in the afternoon. Not all of my friends drink alcohol, so the cocktail had only a token 1/2  teaspoonful in the mix for all 8 of us. (Some of us added a little kick from a small pitcher passed at the table.)

Since the first bird was cooked on Tuesday, we had a wishbone all clean and pretty. We'd decided to give that to a 'lucky' winner who picked the right number, and let them wish on it ...  but we forgot to remember...  I suppose Joel and I will do that tonight over turkey leftovers.

Football did play a factor in the festivities, but the group broke fairly evenly among fan-atics and chatters and those who moved between the two. Two other friends stopped by, also. It was a thoroughly lovely day.

And the Dad part played out perfectly for me. and then was done...

So, the first dish-washer load ran last night - thank you, Honey! The second load is in and it's time for me to finish up the kitchen and pack the leftovers for the next stage; some to the freezer, some to care packages, and some for lunch!! TTFN

 

Cape Cod ~ The Wedding

I feel like there should be a photo of me here, wiggling my eyebrows up & down like Groucho did... It hardly seems real, even now. I look at the photos and know I was there, but during that whole week I felt - different. Perhaps I'll figure some of it out - or how to express it - while posting this to share with you.

There will be LOTS of photos, and I hope I can share some of the joy, surprise, and actual wonder I felt.

Joel and I first talked about getting married a month or two before this trip. It was casual; no one fell to her knees with anything like a 'proposal'. After all, we've considered ourselves 'married' for over 18 years - since the Commitment Ceremony in Chicago. It just seemed 'cool' to us. Who knows, maybe the feds will decide to get with civil rights and grant us some legal rights before we croak. And wouldn't it be fun to be 'the first on our block'.

We're hardly the senior couple in terms of longevity among our friends, but none of the other couples have taken this particular plunge. Knowing us as I do, we probably will celebrate both anniversaries. We do like a good reason to eat out!

Two things surprised me, and one of them had begun to make itself felt even before we got to this 'wedding' thing. The first is the really deep sense of relaxation I was able to achieve in that lovely family setting in Cape Cod. The second is the vastly deep feelings I experienced during and because of the way that whole wedding thing went. I found that it - the ceremony, the clothes, the fashion show, the simple yet fancy 'style' that the whole week had - touched ancient fantasies I didn't even know were still important.

As for the first surprise: that comes mostly from Jane and her way of walking around in the world that is unique. Joel kept telling me to quit futzing; Jane had 'everything' and would give it all to us. I simply didn't believe her. And so I did my stuff around packing and worrying and list-making, etc.
Turns out Joel was right. Jane is thoughtful, generous, comfortable, relaxed and gracious. As an example, she gave us a guest room that was truly ready for guests! The closet was empty, except for beach shoes and bags that were bought for us. The chest of drawers held ONLY a pair of reading glasses and a DVD in case we couldn't sleep one night. The bedside tables had only flashlights in them! Crazy. And so welcoming.
There will be a few changes made around here to add some of that comfort for the next person who visits here, I can tell you.And that is just one example...

For the second surprise...I realized, when I relaxed into Jane's ideas for the ceremony, that I was - maybe - going to get that wedding I dreamed about when I was a kid. An actual wedding with music and a photographer and stuff. It's not at all that I had been missing something. As my life evolved, I stopped even wanting a wedding in any real sense. And later, I was happy to let our commitment ceremony in Chicago ('94) be that special day. All was perfectly fine.

I haven't been going thru any angst about what didn't happen all those years ago. But, last week, I began to feel like a bride in ways I hadn't in Chicago or in the ceremony we had the next week here in Ruidoso. In funny little ways hard to describe, I was experiencing these days with a very real and very deep joy. And in ways that made me think of that really little girl I used to be. Such a sweet realization.

Some of the joy came from knowing consciously that I had done all my 'work' well. I released one old dream ages ago when a new one came along in Joel.  And I found a new/old one unfolding around me in the nurturing way that everything came together thru Jane. It was very surprising. Makes me smile, even now. I let go of running the show, but kept true to what I wanted by expressing opinions and asking for things - like a bride should.

I realize, too, that I'm not explaining the feelings well at all. But then, I'm really the only one who must understand.

And, btw, the music included: (most links to to YouTube; we played from iTunes.)
As Long as You Love Me, cover by Michael Henry and Justin Robinette

I'll Still be Loving You, by Pam Rose.
This one is the original 'our song' from a million years ago...the Restless Heart version.

The Time of My Life, by the Glee Cast, but I LOVE the Original from 1st movie.

And there were instrumentals, too...forgotten which. Lovely things.

 

This first set of photos is pre-ceremony, some of them the afternoon before... setting the stage and getting dressed.                                                 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 It doesn't need another thing.

 

 

Jane is more than amazing. Without leaving the house, or ordering anything, she began to gather stuff together. What was just an empty (gorgeous) back yard one minute is transformed in the next. The tent was over the golf cart late Wednesday. By that evening, the cart was in the garage and the tent was in the back yard. Before you know it, the curtains off her bedroom doors are hanging in the corners of the tent. Everything went that way.

Then we have to get to fussin' with our own stuff:

 

Bearly's Best Man Boutinniere!
No, he doesn't like clothes, no matter the reason!

 

Isn't she lovely?!

 

 

 

well...half dressed so far.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, it's Time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Awwwww....

Download Wedding Vows 

 

Yes, I will.

Happily, she did, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Hard to see in this picture is my 'engagement ring' that Joel slipped on at the end. It is a Giant Plastic Diamond! Fun and funny, and just like my Joie. And a touch that had to come from Jane.

 

 

We even had a wedding buffet; this lovely Key Lime Pie, Champagne Bellinis, petit Deli Sandwiches, and Purple Cabbage Slaw. Yum...

 

 

And a grand send-off!
Our wedding trip was to Provincetown...'nother post for that..

Hearts and Hockey Players

Haven't been here for awhile. Lots of stuff – and nothing going on.  thought I'd say so, so you stop wondering...if you are.

Things are blue around here. My best friend of the heart is moving to Florida in 4 days. I’ve been in her house here for 12 days, taking care of her dog and packing stuff. Practicing not thinking about it. I can do the denial part because Joel and I will be traveling to see her in mid-October. So I’ve put off the tears, mostly, except now & then…now.
And with Skype, we can still have our weekly coffee klatches. It just will be different. Oh, well…

On the 10^th, my friend, Michael Schwass died. He is/was an amazing person who took a major life-changing event and turned it into inspiration, hope, incentive, courage, and even joy for hundreds – maybe thousands – of others. You can read one of the obituaries here. But there is no real reason to do so…they don’t really give you any sense of the man.
(adding a link to the obit from the Chicago Sun-Times)

I met him through my friend Laura, who has been one of his best friends for umpteen years, and was a my business, then life coach and now a friend of the heart. My sense of Michael grew out of Laura’s writings about her relationship with Michael, and with the prep work they were both doing around his ultimate death.
You see, Michael was a quadraplegic. He lived longer than most with that condition because of his drive, his huge heart, and his determination that paraplegia would be something from which he learned and taught, not some curse that just happened. Laura explored much of that, and wrote about it as part of her own preparation for his leaving this physical plane, and also because she is so totally committed to living consciously – which, of course, includes dying consciously. This is one little thing she wrote recently about all of this:

“[I am] VERY aware of what a gift it is to only ONLY be sad.
Nothing was left unsaid or undone.
That is an extraordinary feeling and a gift I will cherish the rest of my days.”

(if you’re interested, here is a link to a post Laura wrote a few days ago; and this is a link to a whole bunch of posts about Michael and consciousness – including one called “Giggling at the Cemetery”)

So much of my present work around consciousness was nurtured by her writings and by reading about and, finally, meeting Michael.

And to all of this, I’ll say that Joel and I are looking at some possible changes of the ‘big’ sort. While we are in Florida, we will explore the possibilities of moving there or acquiring a ‘vacation’ home of some sort. Maybe just something we can rent frequently or … I have no idea what we will see, decide, think… much of this bumps up against some of my ‘issues’ if you will. J It’s funny, really, and more stressful than I imagined.

Joel is about to be 70. We’re going to the beach for her birthday.

And I am claiming our former guest room as my sanctuary. In the midst of rearranging, decluttering, and deciding how to turn this tiny space into a cloister.

Life’s a ride, isn’t it?!
…speaking of which, this last weekend has been a motorcycle festival – the noise was phenomenal!

So, blog friends, I am both here and absent. And way behind on most of your writings, too. I’ll catch up one day.

Blessings to you all from a very full heart.

Creative People: Geniuses or Mad Women/Men?

I recently read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I recommend it, and I will keep it on the shelf forever. But that is a not the subject for today.

In the last few months I've discovered several bloggers new to me, and found that a surprising number of you are writers, poets, illustrators, gardeners, cooks, and other kinds of creative folk. You have become real blessings to me and often inspire laughter or tears, or provocative thought, and always wonder that we came together in this www. I've come to think differently, sometimes, about what I write here simply because you're out there. (in that regard I have some work to do in the 'get-over-myself' category.)  : )

First, thank you very much. I am somewhat different, and think and create more broadly because of you.

Secondly, I want to share this video with you. It is Elizabeth Gilbert speaking before a group at the TED Talks seminars.

I hope you enjoy it, as I did.
Smiles and blessings to each of you - now and always.

My Chibees

I borrowed that term Chibees from friend and fellow student Marc. He's center front; flanked on the left by sifu Jim, and yours truly.

Back row from left is Sidney, Connie, Gary, Vicki, Annette, Mary, and Tony. Missing that day were Barbara, Len, Clara, and Cleis. I'll catch them on film one of these days.

This particular photo was taken by Marc.

Current cuties

Here are the two little cuties that are brightening my days away from home.

The gray one is Phazie (Phaedra) and Bobby is the other one.  

And here is just one of many gorgeous skyscapes from this location.

This one is of our first (tiny) snowfall - Oct. 3rd. You'll have to click it (for the larger image to even see it!) This one was taken near HMHC.

Poertry (by K. Rhoades) from Erin

Erin, thanks for finding this. What sparked Erin to remember this was my story of a drumming experience at White Sands many years ago. I suspect that all of the women present for that spontaneous and inspired piece of creative heaven remember it clearly, as I do. This poem captures the emotions I felt then and thoughts I've had about it since.

I Walked into a Moment of Greatness

“I walked into a moment of greatness. There was a wave of pure emotion running through the air like a pulse recording the beat of souls. I stood against a wall, the house was in darkness, light on the stage.

The last act of Meistersinger had begun. I listened. All of me heard. If that straight line of terrific tensity which stretched continuously between myself and the music, growing more and more sensitive each moment, could have existed indefinitely until the line became inseparable with the state about it what would have happened?

Everything had merged there was no possibility of any retention of the separateness of a human self from the space of sound into which that sentient self had projected. An extension of feeling and a diffusion of music with it creating a condition of oneness. A passing of each into the other.

Sound, Giving, Will, Feeling, an insistent entity reached. Was there any part of me that did not respond? I was not a woman. I became merely a part of the attunement of the moment as did all the others. The strangers standing so near that I could have touched them and I think we were touching. We had dropped our little selves we were not but something greater than ourselves was breathing. What gave it the impetus to breathe? And if it could have endured, if a climax could have been reached and held for the fraction of a second - would not that instant have become infinite? Would it have been death? Or escape into a quickening of life?”

Katharine Rhoades April 1915.

Ms. Rhoades was an artist as well as a writer. I found this excerpt about her work interesting.

”The terms in which critics evaluated Rhoades' work at the 1915 exhibition place her paintings within a loosely defined expressionism, which prioritized emotion, intuition, and spirituality. Charles Caffin in the New York American insisted that Rhoades' reliance was on intuition, rather than observation: "Miss Rhoades seems to have a capacity of psychically sensing her subject" (19). Agnes Meyer, a journalist, photographer and fellow member of the Stieglitz circle reviewed Rhoades' work at the time of the 1915, commenting on the artist's individual vision:

“her whole impulse to paint seems to spring from a close communion with and a desire to impart the underlying significance of the world as she sees it . . . There seems at first to be a strange and foreign quality in her portraits but a sympathetic study reveals the fact that she has seen further or at least differently than we (Meyer 8).”

Meyer again points to Rhoades' ability to visually articulate a metaphysical consciousness and stresses her status as a seer, psychic, or medium through which highly developed states of consciousness are expressed.”

The article in which this excerpt appears was found online.

Some VERY good, well written articles...

...written by Marian Van Eyk McCain of Elderwoman Space. These were all nominated on a very interesting web site called Ooffoo. I hope you'll follow the links and read a few.  I hope you'll decide to vote for one, too. My personal favorite is Simple Blessings.

Note: I found a little bit of trouble with one or two of the articles loading from the links. If you experience that and still want to read them, just use the Ooffee search feature and hunt by title.

 

Digging for Victory - Again

 

The Yin and the Yang of it

 

Turning Green: The Rise of the ‘Cultural Creatives’

 

Micro-Yoga for the Busy Woman

 

Simple Blessings

 

Healing the Split

 

Here’s where you go to vote:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=qlFU4Im4elMRBk5DWu4gtw%3d%3d

Here is a link to Marian's list on Ooffoo. All of these are nominated except Slow Travel, but that one is worth the read, too. 

Thanks, Marian; good luck!

 

Christmas 2008

This has been a very interesting season. For now, I'm going to tell you about the last couple of days and how I spent my Christmas time.

Almost first thing, after starting the coffee, was my morning walk. The coolest thing has developed: Mango goes with me! He really likes the walk, and becomes impatient (so it seems) if I take too long to get to it - or if I don't get to it at all.
Here is that cutie pie:
Our walk is only a half mile circuit, but it has some BIG hills. I guess that Mango covers about 3 times the distance that I do.

Christmas Eve morning was gorgeous. We were out early enough to see the morning sun hit The Mountain.

So. yeah, you can't really see anything for the trees, but it was great. And contrasted sharply with this morning. We had sunshine for our walk, but the western sky (where The Mountain sits) was gray & cold & promising interesting weather for later on... I tried a picture, but it showed even less that this last one did. 

We always see deer, usually in the yard as they were this morning:
This shot shows a buck at the end of the driveway, and more of his herd across the street in the meadow.

Carmel met us in our neighbor's drive way, but won't take the walk with us. We've finally got some great shots of him:
Here's a closeup of Mango, too.

I love the way the light hits his fur in this one.  Be sure to click on it to see it larger.

Aren't our boys beautiful?!

OK...that was Christmas morning until about 7:30 or 8:00.
Now it's time to get down to the food.
Carol & Nancy came over for breakfast. Nancy brought a terrific casserole of grits, cheese, green chili, and eggs. I made my famous (Rachel Ray) bacon: thick sliced with brown sugar and red chili flakes. We had some outstanding sour dough bread that Carol brought, and a Finnish Breakfast braided bread that Nancy & I found in a Great Harvest bakery in Albuquerque on Monday. If there is one of those any where near you, check it out. They grind their own grain and the baked goods are wonderful.

Here we are enjoying the feast: Nancy, Carol & Joel in that order left to right. That's me, behind the camera.

And now, I'm enjoying playing with the blog and thinking of stuff. And enjoying some quiet. Everyone's gone right now; some to the Casino, Nancy to her family across town.
I'm heading to the bath tub to enjoy a soak & a good book. Later on, we'll meet at the baby casino (The Travel Center) for a family-style turkey dinner...unless it just seems like a better idea to order pizza or eat left-overs.

For my money, this day has been about perfect so far.
I'd love to be seeing my brother & sister, but I'll see them soon; and on holidays they tend to be followed by lots of other people and quite a bit of noise.

There is one really special thing that happened this year I want to tell you about. You may not really understand, but it won't matter; I got it.
In a recent conversation with my friend Shaula my Mom's quillows came up. Mom made some years ago; mine had a cat on it. Shaula saw it years ago - oh, maybe 15 or more. She loved it and commissioned Mom to make some for her & her girls which Mom did...all five of them. And Shaula & her girls still have them & love them. Shaula found out that mine was gone. (Why it's gone is another story for another time.)
In any case, Shaula came over on Christmas Eve with a gift for me - we usually only exchange cookies or such.

Shaula had packed up her own quillow and brought it to me.
I have one of my Mom's quillows again! Oh, the bawling that went on...we had Joel & Carol crying too. It was so sweet and so touching. Thanks, Shaula.

And for those who don't know, a quillow is a cross between a quilt & a pillow. They're usually about lap rug size, as these Mom made are. The quilt has a special pocket into which the quilt folds, so that it can sit out on your couch and look just like a beautiful pillow. Here's my 'new' one:

I wanted a good shot of it unfolded, but Mango got involved and is now certain that the quillow is his. We will have to talk.

And for a final treat, I believe it has begun to snow.

Love & Joy to you & yours

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view,
and demand that they respect yours.
Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life.
Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people.
Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend,
even a stranger, when in a lonely place.
Show respect to all people and grovel to none.
When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living.
If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself.
Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools
and robs the spirit of its vision.
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled
with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep
and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way.
Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

Chief Tecumseh (Crouching Tiger) Shawnee Nation 1768-1813

Thanks, Nancy   ; >D