I'm reading This Chair Rocks right now. If you haven't, do yourself a favor & take a look.
But, this post is about talking out loud. Me. All The Time. Narrating my every moment. I'm serious about that. And Literal! Every MOVE.
And I know it must sound funny. And I CAN see the humor.
It's just not really funny.
And it's first person, plural. Yeah, me and the Queen!
I think it began as an effort to "be present in the moment".
It didn't work for that. And is now beginning to make me crazy. (yeah, I know. I'll work on That phrase later.)
I'm far enough along on this little 'trip' called life and I know now that the makes-me-crazy stuff is just normal (for me) precursors to breakthrough.
I'm getting really good a taking a long view or a broader POV, too. And I can usually see both sides or all the sides, or some of them... NONE of this is remotely tragic.. (old Diva days aside)
What it brings up, though, is fear. I started to say, Natural fear, but it's only culturally natural to tie a behavior to a disease, and to consider that ageing is one.
A disease, that is.
The fear is dementia. The women in my biological tribe have had it. Bad. Grandmother and GGrand, for sure. NOT sure about my mom. I am sure she was afraid of it, too.
I think, though, that she may have made some choices that more or less insured that she wouldn't live long enough to show symptoms, even if.
She might even have had a diagnosis she just never told anyone about.
Anyway...
I have tinnitus now, too. Not too distracting. Had one Rolfing treatment for it, to no avail.
I haven't yet tried the ear oil he recommended. It's weird to think of putting that much Oil (!) in my ear! Somehow, drowning comes to mind.
So, Talking to Myself
Tinnitus...
Oh, yeah!
I'm thinking of dating. I think i said...
But I can't get myself to actually push the button on Match! (or somewhere)
I have a new friend who joined the Karaoke group and also the Women's Salon.
She has offered to take me to ABQ and be my "wing-woman" in the local gay bars.
I'm a little shocked at just how terrifying this dating idea is for me. This is one time I could stand living in a larger town.
And do I really have to meet women in bars?
And I may be hitting my psycho-spiritual stride, but the vessel has sprung a leak or two.
And if you are not laughing out loud at this by now... ... :D:D:D
And BTW: the New Diva is so SO much cooler!! <3
