So much has changed since I last came here to type some stuff.
Joel's dead.
Maxie's dead.
Bearly went to live with the in-laws (sort of).
The In-laws (aka best friends) are just barely past the crisis point of their own Huge medical issue; I've been pet-sitting in their house for over a month now. My Best Friend is entertaining a friend of hers who I do not like at all... just sayin'.., and I miss her.
And my sweet nephew is living thru his own version of hell. His is manifesting as Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, Major Depression, some acting-out that docs have called Psychosis, and the ending of his 7 year relationship.
In and around all this stuff, I'm living thru the stages of my grief; learning stuff, still denying some, putting on weight, and thinking about setting some goals.
Quite a ride.
Just drove 1350 miles to Tulsa and back last Sunday-Tuesday. By. My. Self! That is big - HUGE. I've been wondering how I would get to some of my friends farther afield without my spouse and main driver since I succumbed to road-induced hypnosis and drove off the road many years ago.
I won't be worrying about that anymore! :)
Also found out that all those years of coach training are still there and NOT wasted because I didn't start a business.
Seems I listen pretty well. Mediate well. Diffuse drama. Talk straight. and Own my mistakes as soon as I see them.
His parents have brought my nephew, just today, to Lubbock where he may go into a residential program at a facility there. Not the worst idea..maybe the best. I like it that he is closer; that he won't go straight into one of his parents' houses. That he'll get some assessments and maybe some adjustments/changes to meds, etc. He's scared. So is everyone else who loves him. So am I.
But not too much. I feel a bit like I've found a way to make use of SO many things in my life that I have undervalued. My own depression and years of various talk therapists included..my Self, too. I feel useful. That is a good thing.
The aging part is interesting. I really appreciate the perspective that these years provide. I find I still have great stamina...in spite of being over twice as old as my nephew.
I'm old enough, now, to know that life is Good, even when it isn't.
