KateThoughts

Catching Up with 'fates', 'what-ifs', 'as-it-is', etc....and why I've been gone...

I've been off this site a few days playing with my guitar - and I mean that in every fun way possible. Such wonderful play. For those who don't know yet, I am learning/re-learning to play bass; this time an acoustic one that also accepts an amplifier...for my future concerts, I suppose!   : )

I call it a chass, though, (pronounced chase, to rhyme) because I had a cello foot added to it. The bass is BIG and it was tricky to hold in front of my buddha belly, and because my wrists are happier this way, too. And because it's quirky and different.

Here it is in all its glory:

You can see the foot in its retracted position.

I've just fallen in love with it. Years ago - almost 30! - I played an electric bass with a local (and very bad) bluegrass band who mostly played for fun at each others' parties. That was usually a two-note oompa kind of thing. Took very little skill and was much fun, too, though not the same fun I'm having now.

This time, I'm really learning, starting (and continuing) with scales and various exercises and working with a great teacher once a week. Most of his students are 6-string players, as is he, so I'm learning bass parts to things from their repertoires in preparation for a' recital' at a local tavern. I use the term recital very loosely here.

And I learned "When I'm 64" by the Beatles". I had to work quickly on that; I have only one more year before I'm too old to sing it - or have to change the number. How about 'When I'm 94'?! Just now, I'm polishing up Blackbird also by the Beatles.

***********************

But, back to the point of this post.

The oldest post in this particular stream is "...What-ifs". In that one I began to touch on some of the ideas I'm exploring and implementing in my life right now. Some of the comments on that post inspired the next one: "Continuing ..." and really dealt with semantics and perhaps a tiny bit of expansion of the ideas expressed before. More comments and some great support on that post then prompted "IF the fates...", and in a comment there Ruth asked about my background and a bit of the story of how I came to think like this.

First, let me say that conversation like this is the true beauty and glory of blogging and why I may never stop it. Yes, there is some ego stroking involved; but even more than that, the comments make me think and require that I be as clear as possible.

I gave Ruth some very brief answers in an email, but I will expand here a little more.

But I want to acknowledge my reticence about all of this, especially the discussing of it in this more or less public format. You'll understand that when I tell you that I grew up in a middle class family in Texas, the oldest child of a divorced woman in an era when that was rare. We were fundamental evangelical Christians before those terms were widely applied to us, and I was completely immersed in the Church; to the extent that I taught Sunday School and participated in one 'foreign' mission just after high school. That mission was to Liverpool, England and was the beginning of my questioning. A year after that, I went to a Christian college. Interestingly enough I began to explore freedom there. Another whole story, and not for right now.  

To this day, most of my biological family still hold those beliefs and are very active in their participation. Some are quite likely to consider that I have fallen away from the church and are likely to consider that I am some major sinner. But then, by their lights, we are all sinners and only have a possibility of being anything else by virtue of Jesus's sacrifice.  (I could riff off on that topic, too, but won't do so here and now.)

My family is wonderful. They are loving and generous. They just think I'm wrong. They hope I will 'come back' to the fold.
It threw a few of them for a loop when I realized I was gay, and married my wife over 16 years ago. But they are nothing, if not civil. They treat us well, love us as they can, and never turn a cold shoulder. I am very proud of my heritage. I just don't agree with them. In my family this kind of difference of opinion seems to close conversation rather than opening one.

Most of them, I think, do not know of this blog. I do know that in the past, my sister has read this. She never comments on it, and only once sent an email to me about some particular post, and that was to reach out and reassure me during a period of the glooms in my life.
I would not willingly hurt them, though I know that I have done so in the past, and that some may feel hurt by what they think about my current religious condition.

Wow, that was a much longer ramble than I intended, but I will leave it. Susan, if you're reading...well, I love you. Comment or email if you will.

Over the next forty years I explored several traditional religions, was an active Episcopalian for a number of years, was introduced to New Age thought, rejected it, came back, learned a lot about myself through various therapies including a 12-step program and several psychologists. I'm still learning. I knew, and know, a lot about what I 'should' be and do, and for decades I KNEW that I was not worthy of ...much of anything. I have always felt a very strong pull toward god, and would have joined a convent if I could have. These days I would still join one, if it weren't Christian. A contemplative life would suit me very well. (Though, I suppose that The Singing Nun has already been done.)

The thoughts and ideas that work for me now are the ones that I have found to be consistent across all of the religions/spiritual ideas that I have explored: those ideas that I am a piece of God; that I can co-create my life and its conditions by my thoughts, intentions, and energy; that I am not separate from - or different from - god, or you, or the air, or that rock over there. And most especially, right now, the idea that my thoughts, words, and actions do in fact manifest in my life constantly and consistently when I align my vibrational energy to that Stream of energy we often call God. (But could as easily and accurately call Source, Divine Mind, Cosmic Consciousness or ...whatever.)

Right now, the voice speaking to me most clearly is that of Abraham, a group of non-physical beings who speak through a woman named Esther Hicks.

There is a daily quote that appears in the top left sidebar that comes from their website and they are all over the place. Many people post their material; Esther is the one in the black pantsuit. The material is Law of Attraction. It is NOT 'The Secret'. The material from the book/DVD known as The Secret turned me off completely for several reasons. Though Esther and Jerry Hicks were part of the original film, they withdrew when circumstances of the agreements changed. If you are interested in that, you can hear Esther and Jerry comment here. I think that this may be some of the deleted scenes to which they refer. There are many postings to YouTube, including those who want to judge this material as being 'of the devil'...whatever that may mean.

Some people call what happens with Esther 'channeling'. She does not. Nor do I have an opinion about that. I don't care what it is. For me, what it is is Truth. It gives me goosebumps and makes me joyful in ways that my family church did not. It is eliminating my need to judge others, and beginning to relieve many stresses in my life. It's working for me. That is all that really matters to me. I feel closer to god - all the time. And I don't really care whether it resonates for you or not. I believe that each individual is quite capable of choosing their own spiritual path and that none of them are wrong. Most importantly to me, this current path is allowing me to deal with self-esteem issues that have endured for decades. I feel now that I am actually worthy of a complete and close relationship with that energy commonly called God. I don't know her/his/its name (though I'd still like to know). I don't use the God word usually because so many make assumptions about what I mean. And I no longer consider myself a Christian. I'm just me. One with all things.

You know...this has gone on much longer than I intended, and in looking for these links for you, I find I want to take a break and listen to Abraham some more. They are right here ....

see you later.

eeeekkk..... will I leave the Facebook button checked?...........what a coward I have remained...

Hypatia: Greek Philosopher & Mathematician AND a Woman

Thanks, Cindy, for sharing these links and introducing me to Hypatia. I really hope we'll be able to see the movie.

The first video here is an overview of her life.

This one is a trailer for a new film starring Rachael Weisz as Hypatia. Makers are looking for a US sponsor for the film; I surely hope they find one!

Dismount Your Donkey at the Summit

What follows is transcribed from 365 Tao, a book of daily meditations, by Deng Ming-Dao

"Some places in this world are very hard to climb, and people use animals. Each person can only ride one, and each animal might have a different name. The riders go up the trail in different orders, and they discuss their varying opinions about their experiences. They may even have conflicting opinions: one traveler may think the trip thrilling, another may find it terrifying, and a third may find it banal.

At the summit all the travelers stand in the same place. Each of them has the same chance to view the same vistas. The donkeys are put to rest and graze; they are not needed anymore.

We all travel the path of Tao. The donkeys are the various doctrines that each of us embraces. What does it matter which doctrine we embrace as long as it leads us to the summit? Your donkey might be a Zen donkey, mine might be a Tao donkey. There are Christian, Islamic, Jewish, and even Agnostic donkeys. All lead to the same place. Why poke fun at others over the name of their donkey? Aren't you riding one yourself?

We should put aside both the donkeys and our interim experiences once we arrive at the summit. Whether we climbed in suffering or joy is immaterial; we are there. All religions have different names for the ways of getting to the holy summit. Once we reach the summit, we no longer need names, and we can experience all things directly."

This text was the reading for Saturday at the beginning of my Tai Chi class. Jim always reads a selection from this book before we begin. He followed the reading with the question: "Did you leave your donkey outside to graze, or bring him into the yurt?"

Interesting question. And an interesting conversation followed. And the reading has stuck with me so that I wanted to bring it here.

I've ridden more than one donkey on my particular journey.  I'm riding one now, though I don't know its name. I do very much like the analogy, though. We ride our various donkeys until we reach the summit or the end of our journey - which is probably the same thing. And then we can dismount and enjoy the view.
This thought occurs: When the donkeys are unsaddled and allowed to graze, they do so peacefully, though not in close proximity to each other.

I am also rereading R. Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land, and just read the section in which Jubal Harshaw is trying to explain religion and God to Valentine Michael Smith. (Mike had just seen a religious service on TV; has NO understanding of either term, and took it all at face value.) It is interesting to me that Jubal says practically the same thing as Ming-Dao when he states, "I told you that, while religions said many things, most of them said, 'God made the World.' I told you that I did not grok the fullness, but that 'God' was the word that was used."

Mike doesn't 'grok' it, though. The conversation continues. And then, ...    get this:

"You grok," Smith repeated firmly. "I am explain. I did not have the word. You grok. Anne groks, I grok. The grasses under my feet grok in happy beauty. But I needed the word. The word is God." ...
Mike points triumphantly at Jubal. "Thou art God!"

Jubal slapped a hand to his face. "Oh, Jesus H. ___ What have I done? Look, Mike, take it easy! You didn't understand me. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry! Just forget what I've said and we'll start over another day. But__"

"Thou are God," Mike repeated serenely. That which groks. Anne is God. I am God, the happy grasses are God. Jill groks in beauty always; Jill is God. All shaping and making and creating together." He croaked something in Martian and smiled."

For you non-Heinlein fans, to "grok" is to achieve perfect understanding, the mutually merging rapport that should exist between special friends, or soul mates as it were.

All most interesting to me...
happy Sunday

A Very Interesting Time Ahead

I'm very happy that Obama won this election. I like the fact that he is telling us that we all have a part to play in the way things go in this country. I like that he can refer to himself as "...a mutt like me." I like that he seems to be calling for more personal integrity from everyone. In fact, there is much I like about him and the potential for our country that I think can come out of his administration.

I have a couple of reservations.

They're related, actually.

President elect Obama does not support gay marriage. I read that as bigotry, no different from the bigotry of race or religion.
And President elect Obama does support faith-based initiatives. I read that as an mixing of church & state that was specifically prohibited by our constitution.
(if you need to read more sources, there are many; just do a search.)

Now, in the same interview I cited on gay marriage (above) Obama does say that he would like to guarantee the same legal rights to the LGBT community by way of civil unions. Hmmm... sounds like "separate but equal", to me. It feels like it, too. It would give me legal rights that I do not have now. AND it does allow a separation of church & state on the federal level, while allowing states to keep it all mixed up.

One of the (several) problems I see with government embracing faith-based initiatives is that the it may be very difficult for faith-based groups other than the Christian Right to receive equal treatment. It seems to me that religion (read Christian Right) is involving itself more & more in affairs of government now, and I fear that it will only get worse. We are a nation of many religions and a very large group of those who choose none. We stand to loose balance & perspective if we allow 'faith-based' groups access to government and our tax dollars, especially if those same groups remain non-taxable.

There is currently a great deal of discussion already, and at least one petition circulating about the tremendous amount of church money that was spent to influence elections in this country. In a cause dear to my heart is the controversy around the LDS churches as they relate to Prop 8 in California.
Here are a few excerpts from the linked articles:

"The LDS Church's campaign to pass Proposition 8 represents its most vigorous and widespread political involvement since the late 1970s, when it helped defeat the Equal Rights Amendment."

"What is different is the Alliance Defense Fund's direct challenge to the rules that govern tax-exempt organizations. Rather than wait for the IRS to investigate an alleged violation, the organization intends to create dozens of violations and take the U.S. government to court on First Amendment grounds."

"Church-state watchdogs say that both parties are aggressively reaching out to religious voters and that many not-for-profit groups across the political spectrum continue to engage in questionably partisan practices"

Here is a link to a blogger I read fairly regularly who is also concerned about this issue. She has posted an article from the Council on Secular Humanism.
I hope you'll read it, and other articles linked herein, and just think about it. This issue is a bit scary to me, even while I practice my own personal belief that all is as it should be.  Thanks for listening.   :)