KateThoughts

Last Day on the Hillside

Another windy day. Brrrrr
Happy to be going home

I'll be sleeping at home tonight. ; D

My Chibees

I borrowed that term Chibees from friend and fellow student Marc. He's center front; flanked on the left by sifu Jim, and yours truly.

Back row from left is Sidney, Connie, Gary, Vicki, Annette, Mary, and Tony. Missing that day were Barbara, Len, Clara, and Cleis. I'll catch them on film one of these days.

This particular photo was taken by Marc.

Update on Joel and things ES

Today is Monday, September 21st. There are only 4 earthship days remaining. YEA!!!!

Joel is back home after a really tough couple of weeks. Since the last post (mentioning ER and recovery), she went to the ER a second time last Thursday and ended up spending a couple of nights in the hospital.

There was a period of time in the ER when we were being told she had pneumonia, but thankfully it was really only bronchitis. She did have the flu, too. So what knocked her down was a combination punch of UTI, flu (NOT H1N1), and bronchitis.

This time, she really IS much better. I brought her home yesterday afternoon. She was stronger, though still weak, and more interested in a little food than she has been for about 10 days. I'm still at the ES for a few days, so friends have offered to help out. She'll finish a course of antibiotics and take some breathing treatments for a couple of days. It's really nice to see her looking good again.

What she REALLY needs right now is an Animal Control officer. She called about 9:30 last night to tell me that a skunk had come in thru one of the pet doors and was hanging out in the mud room. Given her health, the lateness of the hour, and my absence from the scene, she decided to call the cats in (thru a regular door), secure pet doors so the skunk couldn't get into the house - and go to bed. We're hoping that all the drama is over this morning, but if not we'll let the Hall boys handle it. (We LOVE our Ruidoso Pest Control folks!)

But really! What else can happen right now? 

Thanks everyone, for your help, prayers, and Jess - the banana pudding is GREAT!

Thought about the ES experience.

I'll be really glad when Thursday rolls around and the ship commitment is over, but it has not been all bad. In fact, the stuff I have not enjoyed has taught me more, AND allowed me to appreciate the stuff I do enjoy; like today's sunshine, the gorgeous skies (in all kinds of weather), and the quiet. And I learned that quiet is relative and often generated internally...

amazing, huh?

Joel crashed & burned!

...Though evidence of recovery is showing up. Yea. I mean, really, she's going to be fine.

I know a few of you see this or Facebook even when we're not keeping up well by email; hence this post. 

Joel saw the doc about a week ago for a minor UTI, and had just started treatment for that, when a nasty flu bug bit her in the butt and took her out. Big Time!

She has been flat on her back since Saturday (including several hours in the ER on Sunday). That was triggered by pain from the UTI, but the dehydration they found and the weakness prompted the flu test. So really, that was all for the good.

She saw her own doc on Monday who put her on more meds, and now she has turned a corner. Even she is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  Poor baby.
All things considered, she is MUCH better this morning, though still weak and recovering. I don't think anyone local needs to show up at the door yet, but she's ready to check email now & then.

Shaula, thanks TONS for helping while I handled things at the ES in Capitan!!!  :)

   

Labor Day: not laboring, just thinking

After doing a few online chores and being VERY grateful that the rain is saving me (once again) from the pig-pen chore, I went bouncing around a few of the blogs I read.

Looks like I may need a new list.

Yes, many Americans are having a tough time. Some stories can be quite disheartening, and some of them are not so far from home.

But, tell me, please, what does all this complaining accomplish?

At this blog - KateThoughts - we hold a more positive point of view, and a much broader one. It's all about perspective. Everything is always about perspective.
Perspective and attraction. And no, I'm not fond of The Secret. But I do thoroughly believe that my thoughts, words, and actions have energy & power. Where I place my focus gets BIGGER. If I consistently focus on pain, it hurts MORE, not less. And if I spend my energy complaining of the economy, it will continue to cause struggle for me.

So, 'woe is me/us' posts don't stay on my screen very long. The one thing they accomplish for me is to switch me over into grateful thoughts, almost instantly. 

It seems very important to me - especially in times like these - that we look for the things about which we can be grateful. And about the ways we can lift up those around us who might enjoy a little 'light'. Not everyone we know will want to step out of the complaining/whining stuff. Many don't even know there can be an option. 

So, on this Labor Day, I am grateful for:

• Retirement (thanks Mom & DM)
• Tremendous opportunities to be helpful financially & energetically
• Horizons - and the pet job that brings me to the countryside
• Summer rain showers
• Computers and telephones
• and Awareness:
  that there is so much to be grateful for
  that thoughts have energy
  that tough times can bring insight & inspiration
  that how I 'take' things is a choice I make - repeatedly

So have a nice day,
unless you have other plans, of course.

:)

It's been awhile...

Happy Sunday Afternoon...to be followed shortly by wishes for ...Happy Labor Day. (tho I hope you don't have to labor over anything tomorrow...)

I'm out at the Earthship Adventure. I was planning to add some photos to my FB page, but that application seems to be having trouble...for a couple of days. Here's a cool site that gives a little overview of Earthship construction and operation. THIS one is not exactly like those in the link, but is VERY similar. Not all 'systems' are operational yet.

All I really want to do is sleep and whine. It's too hot for the former, and just too horrible to contemplate the latter, so I'll post some of the photos I was going to put on FB.

Exterior -

                                   

and now I'm having problems with this..............Aaarrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhh!!! Check the link above; it shows great stuff about earthships and has some videos also.  I'm going outside to throw rocks.

Inspiration v. Marketing...Inspiration & Marketing

This is a lovely video about Nature and her inspiring qualities.

Be ready for the major marketing campaign should you click on anything that comes on your screen after the movie plays.

I don't know the answer (yet) to this current quandary of mine. Perhaps you have opinions that might enlighten me.

HMHC is in the middle of Peace Village - a day camp for young kids that includes a segment on media literacy. I'm wondering who's teaching that subject to the rest of us. And I wonder about the 'real' value of films such as the one linked above when its primary function seems to be about selling books and other products.

Do I need a book on Nature, or do I need to go outside?
I'm feeling a little schizo about this already. I love inspirational books, picture books, things that inspire, and I spend money on them.
Someone takes the photos, finds the quotes, publishes...and all the tons of chores attached to producing the book, the video, the ad campaign.
Hell, I'm even filing a bunch of my own photos under the heading of 'the book project'.

And yet, I'm bothered by....this?
        maybe not...
I guess it's mostly the constant barrage of advertising that comes our way on a minute by minute basis. I believe myself to be at least somewhat literate about such media and I still can be caught in the net. I love HGTV, too. And the shows are becoming increasingly about things to sell.

...
OK.
Enough for now. I'll be better off in this moment to go outside. I don't know the answer; don't really need to know the answer. For my inspiration just now, I'll go outside.  You go, too. Your back yard is far enough, though the world awaits.
:)

Skyscapes and Weather Balloons

I'm still in the midst of a 3 1/2 week pet-sitting job in a place with a wonderful view of 'the mountain'. That's Sierra Blanca for those who want to know.

I was out on the deck late yesterday afternoon when I saw a really bright ..something..in the sky.  My camera only did a so-so job on it, but you'll be able to see the lines and the 'package' hanging  below. Check 'em out. Click on these to enlarge, especially the first one. In the bigger version, you can see the balloon in relation to the mountain.

 

       

I wish you could have seen the view thru the binoculars. The envelope was clear and radiating iridescent sunlight. Just so very beautiful.

And here are a couple of little treasures:
god made 'em; I just clicked the shutter.  :)

  

Just one more for today ~ another feel-good post

Today is the 15th anniversary of my wedding to Joel. Hooray for us. Here's "our song"...

I love you, baby girl.
Thanks for hanging in there and being such a great teacher.
What a trip we're on...   :)

Pet & House Sitting is verrrry interesting

This is my first one. Just a one-nighter. I've got one coming up in May that is 3 1/2 weeks long! Yikes!

So here's the deal: One must figure out the stuff one needs to bring along. The pets are no problem; the house is no problem. Here's the problem:

New Lyrics to a great old song.

Joel & I rewrote the lyrics to You Are My Sunshine, shortly after we were married. We're hitting 15 years next week! Yea Us!!

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll always know, dear, how much I love you,
And our sunshine is here to stay.

I was going to post a YouTube video or two, but the real lyrics are SOOOO sad...

Forget your troubles, come on, get Happy!
We're gonna chase all the Blues away.

Two Kinds of FUN!

People passed on two little treasures to me today that I want to save here.
Hope you enjoy them!

The first one is a performance by a jump-roping group called King's Firecrackers.

I can't imagine hopping 7 times, much less 7 MINUTES! Great workout, though.

Now, enjoy this performance in the Central Station of Antwerp, Belgium.
It's a promo for a new TV show.

And that concludes today's broadcast, ladies & gentlemen, and any who would choose a different category. May you set down the burdens that are not your own.

further exploration into my egoic minefield...

I'm reading A New Earth and taking part in a study group. I joined for a couple of reasons that could be labeled as wrong, except that they got me there. Now, I'm working and thinking and exploring again.

Ego.

I've had bits and pieces of understanding about the ego, and in a small part, MY ego for a long time. I'm only just beginning to see some really fundamental issues with mine in new ways that will help me to continue growing.

One egoic role that Tolle mentions is that of 'adult'. I'd never thought of it - adulthood - as a role. But, I can see that it  certainly has become one for me. He says this, "When you play that role, you take yourself and life very seriously. Spontaneity, lightheartedness, and joy are not part of that role."

Well, hey. Guess who that is.

And as I think about my self and current circumstances in the light of this understanding, I can understand how I got so (temporarily) insane over the state of our personal economy. While the drop in income was certainly startling, the panic really arose from my ego over what  people would think about me if I feel behind in the bills, or had to shut off services. And never mind that history has proven I always have enough.

But, a key discovery I made just in the last couple of days is this:
In spite of years of exposure to tons of traditional and esoteric material about Spirit, I still hold held the fundamental concept of God as BIG, powerful, MALE, extremely judgmental, and primarily punishing. Suffering & sin was the accepted condition for me. I was supposed to go thru this life as a less-than, supposed to put myself last, supposed to work hard for an impossible goal and hope for a reward when I am dead.

And even though ALL of my reading & experience over a couple of decades has told me otherwise, there was that in me that held on to such a belief. What made it so powerful, I think, is that the fundamental picture remained unconscious; remained a part of my egoic role. I have avoided using the word God to describe whatever pulls me toward it, which makes sense now, when that word connotes all that makes made me afraid to be.

This seems to make sense also when I consider my HUGE resistance to all things related to self-care and spiritual Practice. And I do mean practice with a capital P. How can I take time to practice T'ai Chi when I have not yet answered emails or edited that article or finished that project for.. whomever. All of those things have been more important than I, who must be last. And never mind that Jesus said, "love your neighbor as yourself". Never mind that He told us we could all 'do' and be as he was.

I finally left church for the same reason I stopped attending a 12 step program. Both of them had me believe, and SAY OUT LOUD, that I am broken, and required that I label myself as something: codependent, a sinner, or a servant. Neither one allowed me to be, or even to consider that I MIGHT be, an expression of Spirit manifesting on this plane.

Now, at this moment, I don't care about The Truth. I think there may be one; Tolle says there is, and calls it love. Makes sense - it's a good truth. Jesus called it that, too.
What is important now is to discover MY truth.
Who am I when I'm not in my adult role, or my caretaking role, or my 'little professor' role?
I aim to find out.

Interesting discoveries. Interesting life. Wonder what's next.

You've Got a Friend...and, at last, so do I.

I've posted work by this sand artist before. Here's a new one (or new to me). Bet you enjoy this, too. Thanks, Shaula. :)

And this is the beginning of a shift in tone I hope you'll hear on this blog: a little more lightness, more humor, more fun. It's not in my nature to skip the important life lessons I experience, so they will still show up here in one form or another.
I'm just finally getting it that this life is, indeed, short. And I am finally tired of ruling my world, controlling your behavior or speech, and going (not so) quietly insane when the cosmos throws a curve.

Instead, I'm getting good at recognizing the curves, responding in the moment; and noticing if that particular curve is for the person over there...
Imagine that! Some of those balls are for the players in the infield.

Born yesterday? Yep. ...well, the day before...                         :)

The In-Between State

Here's a timely reminder from a good friend (Thanks, Mike) and a favorite author, Pema Chodron.

" We are told about the pain of chasing after pleasure and the futility of running from pain. We hear also about the joy of awakening, of realizing our interconnectedness, of trusting the openness of our hearts and minds. But we aren’t told all that much about this state of being in-between, no longer able to get our old comfort from the outside but not yet dwelling in a continual sense of equanimity and warmth. Anxiety, heartbreak, and tenderness mark the in-between state. It’s the kind of place we usually want to avoid. The challenge is to stay in the middle rather than make us more rigid and afraid. Becoming intimate with the queasy feeling of being in the middle of nowhere only makes our hearts more tender. When we are brave enough to stay in the middle, compassion arises spontaneously. By not knowing, not only hoping to know, and not acting like we know what’s happening, we begin to access our inner strength. Yet it seems reasonable to want some kind of relief. If we can make the situation right or wrong, if we can pin it down in any way, then we are on familiar ground. But something has shaken up our habitual patterns and frequently they no longer work. Staying with volatile energy gradually becomes more comfortable than acting it out or repressing it. This open-ended tender place is called bodhichitta. Staying with it is what heals. It allows us to let go of our self-importance. It’s how the warrior learns to love.

from Chodron's book,

The Places That Scare You (Shambhala Publications)

As are so many, we've been struggling here just a bit (or sometimes a BIG bit) over the drop in income. Readjusting has not been fun or easy.

It is very educational on several levels. And Chodron's words here, really help. Big Breath. 

I already know I've good at the hard stuff, so I'll get this, too. Meanwhile, learning to 'be where I am' keeps me present in the moment and in my body and lets me see, feel, and adjust to these times and my place in it all.

Food for Thought or Balancing on One Leg

I’m 61½ now, and I’ve been living the life of Riley for about 4 years.
Things are tougher now, as they may be for many of you, but we have the prospect of Social Security ahead to take up some slack. Joel’s income from that source really makes a difference to us now. I’m still planning to stick it out until I’m 66, but people keep trying to mess with my future.

I hope you will all read The Coming Attack on Social Security… a column by Ronni Bennett of Time Goes By.

She writes clearly, and with links to her sources, which many folks don’t bother with anymore. Follow those links a bit; learn some stuff.

So, should I tell you this? …point you to articles that may scare you, too? Well, no. To focus on the fear is to give it energy, make it bigger than it is. Doesn’t it?
Yes, I believe so.

Ronni makes it clear that SS is fine, for now. IF there is to be a real problem, it will affect our kids & grandkids.
So what am I worrying about?
Just my self, my comfort and ease.
The space between watching HD shows on TV and watching the grass grow.
The difference, in the occasional restaurant meal, between the ‘dollar menu’ and a nice Thai dinner.
The really scary one is the prospect of canceling the trip to Chicago this summer. We’ve been saving up for a year!

I’m at a point in my personal evolution where I am, frankly, stumped: caught between financial fear and its stresses, and the spiritual state of confidence that would, otherwise, allow me to rest in the knowledge that I will learn what I need to know, and be provided for as are the ‘birds of the air’. One day moment I rest in faith that all is as it should be; the next day moment my heart is pounding and I wonder how soon I must drop the cable service or (heaven forbid) the internet, or sell a car.

Maybe I just need to stop reading this stuff.
What happens to my sense of gratitude for all that I am and have?
What is the balance between awareness of current events and resting in the arms of god?

These are the thoughts I’m exploring these days; the fears I grapple with; the wisdom to which I aspire.

Feel like sharing what’s going on in your own head? I’m interested.

…just ‘had’ to…thanks for listening.

Delays & Headaches

Well, so much for the promise to post about Social Credit.  and it will wait a bit more.

I'm having some computer issues, anmong other things, and will be absent or sporadic for a bit while i get it worked out. 

The surrent challenge is typing on this laptop keyboard! What a pain while my fingers adjust.
See you soon.

First I was afraid; now I'm PETRIFIED!

I've read this article twice now. Here's an excerpt:

This headline from Reuters, More Suffering From Chronic Illnesses, and other pieces trumpeting the spiraling cost of health care could lead one to believe that universal health care is unsustainable and/or unaffordable. But we're not necessarily getting the whole story. As we speak, the health care industry and the insurance industry (they are not the same) are stacking the numbers.

from AQ who blogs at Always Question 

Here's where I stand at the moment. Like AQ, I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and I'm fat. (I can say, thankfully, that I have no history of cancer; though my Mom had breast cancer - successfully treated by surgery.) As far as medical records go, her history is a part of my history.

I also have health insurance for which I pay almost $250/month. To keep the payments that low (!?) I have a high deductible and a lot of limits about what can/cannot be treated. Those factors, plus a suspicion about the info that goes into the "system" has kept me going slow and almost holding my breath about having any of these checked out again. Basically, I have health insurance I'm afraid to use. 

I'm a long way from Medicare, though, at 61, and now I'm basically terrified.

And THAT'S a pisser because I'm also convinced that "thoughts we hold in mind, produce in kind".

Aaarrrrrrrrrrggghhh!!!!!!!

I want to scream, and then kill somebody! Hopefully, not myself.

One of the values I've held for a long time is to stand FOR something
rather than to struggle/fight AGAINST something.

There is little doubt that I am being called into battle, now. I feel like David in front of Goliath, who is, of course, Big Pharma, Big Insurance, and Traditional Western Medicine which knows a lot about illness and very little about health.

I'm being called to battle and I am very pissed! And I'm worried that I/we can't fight it fast enough to make a difference in MY lifetime. That doesn't make the battle less important, it just leaves me scared - and that affects my health - and that makes me scared.....
SHIT!  What a tail-chaser.

I'm going for a walk with Mango, then I'm going back to my meditation cushion and see if I can surrender all this turmoil in this moment.

If you're concerned about health care, I suggest you read this and lots of other articles on the subject. TGB has many in these categories: Health and Universal Healthcare. You know I'm partial to the folks over there, but just Google the subject; there is no dearth of information.

Oh, my aching back...

The first Tai Chi class of this series was last Saturday. It was snowing when I got up, but only a tiny bit. And since we're a ski resort, I knew the graders and the salt trucks would be out in force. So, no problem, right? It will be fine to take the Sonata up. Well, sure, it only has front wheel drive, but I've got a couple of lower gears and the trucks will be out - no problem.

And indeed, there were no problems going out there at all.

But, unbeknown to us in class, the gods decided we needed a bit more moisture (which we do) so they started up that snow again. And between the yurt and the well maintained highway was about a half mile of gravel/dirt road with just one pesky hill...

First car that tried it got stuck.
We pushed it up & over and away she went.
2nd car, same story.
3rd car...hill is slipperier; not much footing for the pushers, but she got out, too.

In between all this is a bit of snowball throwing. I'd call it a snowball fight, but only one of us could really hit what we were aiming at.  :)

The the 4 wheel drive cars left.  I was just going to meet a friend at the top of the hill, get a ride down the mountain and pick up my car later. But Marc tried to drive me out.
NO luck this time. The hill was just too slippery; the snow packed tight and not a ray of sun in sight.

So, as Marc re-parked my car, I started down to hitch a ride out with him.

WHAM!

So fast I can't really take it in, my feet go out from under me, I splat down onto the frozen ground on my back and (for good measure) whack my head on the ground too. Whew.

Such a shock.
But, heck, I'm OK. I practice Tai chi. I know how to fall down. No problem.

...huh?...

Went home and had Joel pull and push a bit.Did a lot of stretching. Did some more TC. I'll be fine.

Oh, yeah!? Check me out Sunday morning...and even today - Monday.
I feel like someone sneaked into my bedroom, grabbed me by the ankles, and slammed me up against the wall.
All the aches are just left of my spine and feel like big bruises though they don't show on the outside. My neck muscles ache, too.
Yes, I'm whimpering.
feel sorry for me, do...

Wishes, Wisdom, and Windows of Hope...

Jan. 1, 2009

I've said yes to Ronni Bennett for a guestblog over at her place in a few days. It's been interesting to watch the prep for it and to notice how what I see, read, and experience has all become fodder for publication since I got it that she wasn't kidding, or talking to someone else.

Jan. 6, 2009

I think I've finished the article. It was much more difficult than I anticipated, not because I couldn't think of something to say, but because I was flailing in too many directions. It has been fun and tiring. I've battled my ego - and maybe lost - maybe not.

I have absolutely NO objectivity about this at all, and as the deadline is nearing, I don't have a lot of time to gain perspective. I'll let it sit until this evening or tomorrow morning.

And, I'll let you know when it's posted.
I didn't say yet, how flattered I am that Ronni asked me. I've wondered if she has read enough from me to know just how airy-fairy I can be, and am, in this article. And I'm very nervous about the possible comments. Her readers are straight-shooters - talk about FEAR and HOPE!!!   :)

LIGHT BULB ............................. August 9, 2006

Wow! What an evening last night!

I got a call from a relative in that extended family I mentioned in yesterday's post followed immediately by the viewing of segment 7 in Bill Moyers' series called Faith & Reason. The juxtaposition just blows me away. Whoever or whatever may be the actual nature of that thing I sometimes call Cosmic Mind has a really cool sense of timing and an amazing sense of humor.

The relative is a faithful member of the same Christian religion in which I grew up. It's working beautifully for her and clearly satisfies her spiritual needs. The interviewee on the Moyers' show was Pema Chöndrön, a Buddhist nun. Her religion works for her, too.

I asked my relative how I was coming across in this blog. She has been reading it (don't know how long) but has never commented. She said that I came across as ...searching. The way she said it led me to jump to the conclusion that 'searching' was a bad thing. (MY stuff, not necessarily hers - I didn't check it out.)

Here's my REVELATION:  (Multi-faceted, no particular order)

Ø       It’s the search that is important, not the answer.

Ø       My thrashing about for answers is about (may be about) my own need for drama and wanting to be ‘made special’ by some kind of cosmic communication.

Ø       There really ARE (at least) Nine Billion Names of god. Which one I choose (or don’t choose) is probably irrelevant to you.

Ø       NO ONE actually KNOWS who/what/where god is until s/he experiences it after this lifetime is over. What that person believes about it is her/his own belief system about it.

Ø       A belief system may be inherited (by default or by thoughtful consideration), or it may be rationally chosen after careful research and/or experience.

Ø       I still have ‘knee-jerk’ reactions to some things that sound like fundamental Christianity.

Ø       What others believe about my experience is none of my business, but may make interesting conversation. (if we can avoid having expectations for each other)

Ø       True ‘fundamentalism’ seems symptomatic of a closed mind regardless of the form that fundamentalism takes: religion, politics, whatever.

Ø       I’m better served, spiritually, if I remain flexible and open to the possibility that I may be totally and completely wrong about ALL matters spiritual and by attaching nothing to that possibility.

Ø       We all, each of us, have the potential of embracing fundamentalism in one realm or another.

 

There will be more on this subject, of course. It seems enough for now that I can (at last) RELAX. My current spiritual task is to manifest the best, kindest, most peaceful spirit I can manage in any given moment, and to model that in my heart, my behavior, my speech; indeed, in ALL aspects of my life. Doing that will also require that I translate my former angst into actual spiritual practice. For me, that will be more meditation and further exploration. If I need further revelation it will be provided. Hallelujah, amen.

Who is that Omnicrone?

This doc created 12-2-05

Years ago I had a mental picture of a ‘who’ that was attractive to me. I’ve never forgotten it. Have sketched it more than once.

She has a space/home that is built into the side of a hill with arms of earth that come around each side and embrace a big garden that has a pond and a fire pit, and grass and flowers and trees, etc…peaceful.

Visited by birds and critters, and people

The wall that separates the home from the garden is made of lots of glass brick and sliding doors. The wall is set back into the hill so that the earth overhangs the entry and protects/shades it.

She makes things (of glass and/or metal/wood that catch and reflect light or make pretty noises. She spends her time in the garden, or making music, or cooking…there’s always a pot of soup on the stove and warm bread.

Everyone who comes there ‘breaks bread’ with her (and each other).

Sometimes, especially at the dark or full moon, she drums around the fire pit. Others may or may not be there. Sometimes it’s ‘planned’ but if so, others did the planning…she doesn’t require any.

People are drawn to her. She doesn’t really say much; they just feel comfortable or comforted there. She listens carefully and intently. She touches easily. Touches, strokes, kisses …holds space.

She doesn’t have to DO anything…doesn’t have to go out to ‘speak’, never heard the word ‘marketing’. Doesn’t sell anything or attach fees to what she does/is. She ‘holds safe space’. She loves things and people and critters, and imposes herself on none of them.

To all who come she is an island of peace, love, acceptance, compassion, creativity, and no judgment.

She lives alone, but knows of and uses a space like this (with a friend like this) when she is the one with needs that require a witness. She has two ‘sisters of the heart’ and is mother to all the rest.

further thoughts about this 'vision':

I often don’t feel of-this-world. I think often that I want a cloister. I don’t think that I have been ‘called’ by god to any religion.

I don’t feel particularly wise, or knowledgeable. And I know I’m not really that woman of my vision. But I want to be her. I don’t know how to manifest her. I don’t want to ‘perform’ to exist on the planet…. This thought feels the truest and has brought the most emotion to the surface. During college and the decade following, I did a lot of theater. That felt wonderful. I loved it and was good at it. It felt “natural”. Everything else in my life since has felt like a “performance” and not natural.

I feel like I have a hole in my center that is supposed to be full of god, but I can’t keep my promises to myself (and to god) long enough to fill the hole. I got a glimpse of it once in a counseling session with a wonderful ol’ woman who helped me see it… There is a pale blue radiant light. I’m not sure if the light is god, or just the color of the space when it is full.

This doc created 12-2-05

Christmas 2008

This has been a very interesting season. For now, I'm going to tell you about the last couple of days and how I spent my Christmas time.

Almost first thing, after starting the coffee, was my morning walk. The coolest thing has developed: Mango goes with me! He really likes the walk, and becomes impatient (so it seems) if I take too long to get to it - or if I don't get to it at all.
Here is that cutie pie:
Our walk is only a half mile circuit, but it has some BIG hills. I guess that Mango covers about 3 times the distance that I do.

Christmas Eve morning was gorgeous. We were out early enough to see the morning sun hit The Mountain.

So. yeah, you can't really see anything for the trees, but it was great. And contrasted sharply with this morning. We had sunshine for our walk, but the western sky (where The Mountain sits) was gray & cold & promising interesting weather for later on... I tried a picture, but it showed even less that this last one did. 

We always see deer, usually in the yard as they were this morning:
This shot shows a buck at the end of the driveway, and more of his herd across the street in the meadow.

Carmel met us in our neighbor's drive way, but won't take the walk with us. We've finally got some great shots of him:
Here's a closeup of Mango, too.

I love the way the light hits his fur in this one.  Be sure to click on it to see it larger.

Aren't our boys beautiful?!

OK...that was Christmas morning until about 7:30 or 8:00.
Now it's time to get down to the food.
Carol & Nancy came over for breakfast. Nancy brought a terrific casserole of grits, cheese, green chili, and eggs. I made my famous (Rachel Ray) bacon: thick sliced with brown sugar and red chili flakes. We had some outstanding sour dough bread that Carol brought, and a Finnish Breakfast braided bread that Nancy & I found in a Great Harvest bakery in Albuquerque on Monday. If there is one of those any where near you, check it out. They grind their own grain and the baked goods are wonderful.

Here we are enjoying the feast: Nancy, Carol & Joel in that order left to right. That's me, behind the camera.

And now, I'm enjoying playing with the blog and thinking of stuff. And enjoying some quiet. Everyone's gone right now; some to the Casino, Nancy to her family across town.
I'm heading to the bath tub to enjoy a soak & a good book. Later on, we'll meet at the baby casino (The Travel Center) for a family-style turkey dinner...unless it just seems like a better idea to order pizza or eat left-overs.

For my money, this day has been about perfect so far.
I'd love to be seeing my brother & sister, but I'll see them soon; and on holidays they tend to be followed by lots of other people and quite a bit of noise.

There is one really special thing that happened this year I want to tell you about. You may not really understand, but it won't matter; I got it.
In a recent conversation with my friend Shaula my Mom's quillows came up. Mom made some years ago; mine had a cat on it. Shaula saw it years ago - oh, maybe 15 or more. She loved it and commissioned Mom to make some for her & her girls which Mom did...all five of them. And Shaula & her girls still have them & love them. Shaula found out that mine was gone. (Why it's gone is another story for another time.)
In any case, Shaula came over on Christmas Eve with a gift for me - we usually only exchange cookies or such.

Shaula had packed up her own quillow and brought it to me.
I have one of my Mom's quillows again! Oh, the bawling that went on...we had Joel & Carol crying too. It was so sweet and so touching. Thanks, Shaula.

And for those who don't know, a quillow is a cross between a quilt & a pillow. They're usually about lap rug size, as these Mom made are. The quilt has a special pocket into which the quilt folds, so that it can sit out on your couch and look just like a beautiful pillow. Here's my 'new' one:

I wanted a good shot of it unfolded, but Mango got involved and is now certain that the quillow is his. We will have to talk.

And for a final treat, I believe it has begun to snow.

Love & Joy to you & yours

SOMETHING NEW!

Hey, check out the new item at the top of the left sidebar!

If you're getting something from me for the holidays this year, it will come from Heifer.org. You can check out their site from the link here, or in the sidebar; both will take you there.

Hmmm. what shall it be this year? Bumblebees? Ducks? How about a Heifer?!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Dismount Your Donkey at the Summit

What follows is transcribed from 365 Tao, a book of daily meditations, by Deng Ming-Dao

"Some places in this world are very hard to climb, and people use animals. Each person can only ride one, and each animal might have a different name. The riders go up the trail in different orders, and they discuss their varying opinions about their experiences. They may even have conflicting opinions: one traveler may think the trip thrilling, another may find it terrifying, and a third may find it banal.

At the summit all the travelers stand in the same place. Each of them has the same chance to view the same vistas. The donkeys are put to rest and graze; they are not needed anymore.

We all travel the path of Tao. The donkeys are the various doctrines that each of us embraces. What does it matter which doctrine we embrace as long as it leads us to the summit? Your donkey might be a Zen donkey, mine might be a Tao donkey. There are Christian, Islamic, Jewish, and even Agnostic donkeys. All lead to the same place. Why poke fun at others over the name of their donkey? Aren't you riding one yourself?

We should put aside both the donkeys and our interim experiences once we arrive at the summit. Whether we climbed in suffering or joy is immaterial; we are there. All religions have different names for the ways of getting to the holy summit. Once we reach the summit, we no longer need names, and we can experience all things directly."

This text was the reading for Saturday at the beginning of my Tai Chi class. Jim always reads a selection from this book before we begin. He followed the reading with the question: "Did you leave your donkey outside to graze, or bring him into the yurt?"

Interesting question. And an interesting conversation followed. And the reading has stuck with me so that I wanted to bring it here.

I've ridden more than one donkey on my particular journey.  I'm riding one now, though I don't know its name. I do very much like the analogy, though. We ride our various donkeys until we reach the summit or the end of our journey - which is probably the same thing. And then we can dismount and enjoy the view.
This thought occurs: When the donkeys are unsaddled and allowed to graze, they do so peacefully, though not in close proximity to each other.

I am also rereading R. Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land, and just read the section in which Jubal Harshaw is trying to explain religion and God to Valentine Michael Smith. (Mike had just seen a religious service on TV; has NO understanding of either term, and took it all at face value.) It is interesting to me that Jubal says practically the same thing as Ming-Dao when he states, "I told you that, while religions said many things, most of them said, 'God made the World.' I told you that I did not grok the fullness, but that 'God' was the word that was used."

Mike doesn't 'grok' it, though. The conversation continues. And then, ...    get this:

"You grok," Smith repeated firmly. "I am explain. I did not have the word. You grok. Anne groks, I grok. The grasses under my feet grok in happy beauty. But I needed the word. The word is God." ...
Mike points triumphantly at Jubal. "Thou art God!"

Jubal slapped a hand to his face. "Oh, Jesus H. ___ What have I done? Look, Mike, take it easy! You didn't understand me. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry! Just forget what I've said and we'll start over another day. But__"

"Thou are God," Mike repeated serenely. That which groks. Anne is God. I am God, the happy grasses are God. Jill groks in beauty always; Jill is God. All shaping and making and creating together." He croaked something in Martian and smiled."

For you non-Heinlein fans, to "grok" is to achieve perfect understanding, the mutually merging rapport that should exist between special friends, or soul mates as it were.

All most interesting to me...
happy Sunday

Mick's gone now.

I think he's happy about that. You can't get much sicker than he was, and I believe he's been pleasantly surprised by what he has discovered since his passing. 

Joel & I went to Lubbock for a family memorial for him. What was originally expected to be about 50 family members at a private gathering turned into about 150 of family, friends, and business associates. Our family's been in Lubbock since dirt was invented and it was warm & wonderful to find so many who wanted to express their concern for us in general, and Mickey's family in particular.

Susie, Mickey's wife, and both their children, Kim & Jason were there with their spouses and Kim's children.
It had been way too long since I had seen them.

I was really impressed with the gathering. It was not a funeral. more like a wake, actually. We met at Craig's, my uncle and Mick's older brother. Conny, the aunt I mentioned in a previous post was able to attend - on furlough from the rehab center where she is recovering from her surgery. There were lots of aunts & uncles & cousins & friends. I was especially happy to see Jo, my (late) Mom's best friend. What a pleasure to see that shining face.

My second cousin Harvie spoke briefly, and my cousin Eric. But both held themselves to remembrances and stories - no sermons or homilies. We shared laughter more than tears. Craig had also arranged for two talented bagpipers to be there (the McDonald clan is Scot). One played Amazing Grace, the other played a Scotish piece I didn't know but it was wonderful.

The whole evening left me feeling warm and connected and happy. You know what I mean; not happy that Mickey is gone, but happy that he was remembered in that way and that Susie & Kim & Jason could be with such a big loving family thru their own struggle with his end. It was the sort of memorial to be proud of, I think.

Thanks all of you, for your prayers and light. They were felt & warmly received.
:)

Family Challenges

Conny is my aunt, my Mom's older sister, and the one who first got me interested in sculpture and other 3D art forms. She's had a (few) mini strokes, it seems, and has become unable to paint. To give her great credit, she did switch to her non-dominate hand for awhile and produced one or two more paintings.

Now, she'll be having yet another surgery on her brain. She had what she reported as an 'explosion' in her brain that has resulted in spinal fluid draining into the wrong place. The surgery will fix that, and has been successful for many. Apparently this condition is not uncommon under the circumstances Conny faces, and in aging folks generally. I haven't looked it up yet, so I can't say much about it just now.

She is not in pain, thankfully, but her ability to talk has almost gone.
Conny is the reigning Matriarch in our family.

Her baby brother (and my uncle), Mickey is slipping away from us from pancreatic cancer that has advanced very quickly. No longer recognizing people, losing control of his body, and not eating much.
Mickey is the baby of his generation, the youngest of my Mom's four siblings.

I am very sad.

I thank you in advance for your prayers &/or light. I ask that, for just a minute, you hold us all in your thoughts for our highest & best. Thanks.

Ok, everything is fine....well, you know what I mean...I think......

Now that's a thought, you betcha. "I think; I think."

Had to leave in the midst of the last post. Our cat, Carmel, was found injured and needed a trip to the vet. He's been out of pocket for at least a day. He loves it outside so it is normal not to see him until evening. Then last night we had company so that could have kept him away... by bedtime we were both aware that he was AWOL.

Anyway, he's not seriously injured - just a couple of punctures from another cat and a very swollen/tender right fore leg. Treated, on an anti-biotic, and home already to rest.

Mango is already beginning to ask (politely) about why his door is locked, and is clearly wondering when his freedom will be restored. For now, it is just inquiry.
Wonder how long I can hold out.  

Re: the earlier post - Principles, remember?
A whole bunch of it is just me.
I got really pissed a while ago when I noticed a vehicle named "Patriot".
                Good Grief, I'm unhinged.

WE - US  - us - the freaking people

(sorry...this is just gonna ramble...my brain is in revolt, or is revolting, or something...

It seems to me that the very bottom line to this, our culture - ours, American 21st Century - is the fact that we keep score in dollars. This is just a fact, as I understand it; the judgment comes later.
I know that there are many who feel otherwise for lots of different reasons.

We're two separate kinds of folks; I don't know if it is possible for us to EVER actually agree.

When we get into election years, though, weird behaviors get bigger and more flashy, and most people engage their brains in many creative ways while totally disconnecting from their own minds.

And all of these feelings about the human potential (and my own) impel me toward Obama. The article linked in the previous post goes to it. Obama marks, for me, a pivotal moment, a turning point. I sense a place where we all get to choose the Who that we are going to be as a nation, and how we will interact with the political and national entities elsewhere.

How we choose our leaders, now, is important because our choice will also influence our individual power to express ourselves freely, and to ask and answer some of those questions (in the other post).

This is the choice, as I see it - only - opinion; one I believe in.

Republicans  - An Us & Them attitude. Most money in least hands in shortest times. They weigh in heavily on the side of fear. Very conservative, tend toward religious fundamentalism.

Democrats - Hope - for a different bottom line, for greater personal responsibility for the Whole as well as the parts.

If the Democrats don't "win". WhatEVER the hell that means, then I'm gonna be needing a sanctuary, some kind of non-denominational convent.

(I can't help it; I was a preacher in another life...)

The work is progressing, at last!

I'm happy to say that work on our small do-over on parts of our house is under way. Finally. Some folks estimating delivery of products over-promised, and therefore under-delivered, so we've been torn up around here for longer than we might have been.

For example, the master bath was stripped of everything but the vanity 2 weeks ago, and we won't be able to start the work until Monday. The bathtub doesn't arrive until this afternoon.

But, the floors are about 1/2 done and will be finished by tomorrow. In fact, I'm sitting on my new floors in the office right now! Yea!!!

And the new kitchen cabinets are up; pantry won't be here until next week.

Here are a few in-progress shots:

This is the living room; baseboards are still going up. Isn't the floor gorgeous?!











This is Ike, lead carpenter, just beginning to get rid of this closet in the office. You can see the carpet in this shot. We're leaving this same carpet in the master and guest bedrooms, but everything else will be laminate wood! Yea!!

Now, the office with that gorgeous floor (& Joel's feet). We're going to use the folding tables while we find the furniture we really want, even if it takes months!

You can see the new cabinets in this shot. That line on the floor indicates where a bar and a cabinet were before (separating the kitchen from dining. Now it is all one big space!

The yellow doors will become more neutral; we haven't chosen the colors yet. But with everything opened up, the yellow doesn't work any more.

Here's an OLD shot of the kitchen that shows those two  units that used to separate the space. The upper one has gone back to the utility hall and was mounted on the wall for storage. Parts of the lower cabinet were salvaged to finish the new kitchen cabinets.

Poor kitchen; what a mess. All that stuff on the counter came from units that don't exist anymore. The new pantry will go at the near end of the counter/cabinet at the left side of this shot. It is 36" wide and and 90" high (a few inches higher that the existing cabinets. Moulding will pull it all together.

Grover & Mike, working on the floor. They've already pulled out the frig. I couldn't have asked for a nicer crew.

Ike says the floors & baseboards will be done by tomorrow afternoon, Friday.

If the plumber can be scheduled for next week, all work should be finished by the end of that week. And then I can take a bath!!!

And just wait until I tell you about the bidet!   :)

Heaven Help Us...

I swear, if we gave as much energy to fixing the electoral system or Social Security as we do to keeping the "Others" out of our way, we'd have a whole new country and a lot more global respect.

This particular rant was inspired by yet another group trying to stomp on the rights of some of us - this one about gay marriage. Usually, I link articles I comment on here, but if you want to read any of that kind of stuff, go find it yourself.

But 'others' can be anyone - in certain circles, even you: Gays (that broad category that covers SO many), illegal aliens (in Roswell, they're green), Jews, Hispanics, Little People,...basically anyone different from you.

So, I ask: who do you want to be when you grow up?
Wise?
Christ-like?
Loving?
Open-minded?

Or are you one of those who say, "my mind is made up; don't confuse me with facts."?

Good grief!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to T''ai Chi class in hopes of lowering my blood pressure and enjoying a few deep breaths, and in letting go of my own prejudices for my "others", the ones who want to believe I'm different from themselves.

Compare & Contrast ~ before & during the Flood

  Two shots of the river behind the Chamber of Commerce:
The left one was taken in Sept of 2006; the image on the right was taken last Sunday, July 27, 2008

The Ruidoso News story of the Flooding - July 08

Download rains_turn_to_floods_along_rio_ruidoso.doc 

Just want to save this story; don't know how long our paper keeps these articles accessible.

The Flood of 08

We've hit the news big time around here. Who knew a gulf hurricane could have such an impact up here!
Here's a link to a report with comments: http://www.topix.net/city/ruidoso-nm ; this is a good story from local radio station KWES http://kwes.net/node/229  and another source with several videos:
http://www.koat.com/news/17005517/detail.html

Here's a link from our local paper, The Ruidoso News: http://www.ruidosonews.com/news/ci_10015200
This link may not stay 'live' long so I'll pull it in another way later...

Should you care to help out, the Red Cross location serving us is in El Paso, TX at
http://www.redcrosselpaso.org/

Now, you know we've been getting rain. We found this water in our mudroom Sunday morning. It doesn't really hurt much of anything, but it's a mess to clean up...

So I was doing that, when a friend called about what was happening in Upper Canyon.
You won't believe what a dose of perspective we got yesterday.

The Rio Ruidoso is really just a creek most of the time and in most places, you can walk in it or through it or jump over it. You can catch fish in it where it pools near bridges and stuff. But most folks don't really think of it as a river anymore.

On Sunday it was a raging river doing untold destruction.

Behind our Chamber of Commerce

I'm glad I didn't see it going over this bridge. The culvert under this bridge is big enough to drive a car through. When I saw it, the water wash washing against and over the top.

Two Rivers Park: Just one river today; over the banks, through the playground, and into the street. We couldn't get further up this road, but could see the river roaring over it in the distance.

I heard he bought this property just a few weeks ago. That fence is brand new, and wasn't placed in water!  Used to have a huge back yard. I guess he will again, but he won't think about it quite the same.

Oh, yeah? (the small print says, "No River Access")

This and the next two were taken by my friend Frank.
Can you begin to imagine what this woman must be thinking?

This is in our Midtown area.

Don't know just where this is...

This and the next two were taken by my friend, Carol.

This is another view of the area above (Midtown area). Brand spanking new condo complex...bottom floor is sure to be flooded.

wow...

Thanks Carol & Frank for your pictures and permission to use them.

News last night showed a house being undermined by the river, then we saw the river lift it off its foundation and carry it down. Just a few feet further, it hit trees or the bank or something and just split apart.
I understand that there are nine bridges out in town. One of them was brand new! We went into Upper Canyon where a lot of damage is, but didn't have our cameras. There will be some people still stranded in the back end of it who are unable to get out of the canyon at all. Over 500 people have been evacuated.

We heard rumors of 3 dead, but news does not confirm that. KWES radio does report one death. There were several swift-water rescues when people got swept up or knocked down by the current. One story told of a couple who were pulling furniture & stuff off their deck: just as they stepped back, the river took the deck completely off their house. They missed going with it by just seconds.

And all of Ruidoso must boil water, I think. I've heard that from only one news source, but it seems like a good idea. Update: I'm now hearing that the boil water order is limited to some specific areas, not our neighborhood, thankfully, though we've boiled some to be sure.

Oddly, it was business as usual for most of the area. Restaurants were busy, midtown shopping was brisk, lots of us were out to see what was happening. Traffic was very slow everywhere because so many roads were/are closed.

Should you care to help out, the Red Cross location serving us is in El Paso, TX at
http://www.redcrosselpaso.org/

Up on the rooooofff....

"When this old world starts getting me down
And people are just too much for me to face
I climb way up to the top of the stairs
And all my cares just drift right into space
On the roof, it's peaceful as can be
And there the world below can't bother me
Let me tell you now"
From the Drifters, by way of Gerry Goffin and Carole King

The gutters needed cleaning. Ok; I can do that, right?      Sure!
We didn't get pictures of that - I wish we had; it was work. and Nasty!  ugh!  or...yeeuuuuuuwww!
But I did it, and I love braggin' about stuff like that. And I really like that our roof is so easy to access.
So that was very cool. And we realized that if we put gutter guards up, we might not have to do this nasty job again; or at least, not too soon.

We found some at Lowe's. Perfect; inexpensive... They're still just partly done. See, if you're on the roof, you can reach into the gutters (with a tool) pretty easily and without hanging over too far. For the guards, though, one must snap the little critters onto the outside lip of the gutter. And that's hanging over, as far as I'm concerned! Some of them are still not up.      sigh...

Then, last night we noticed some seepage thru a cinderblock and concrete wall in the mudroom. That's not too awful - the mudroom is all concrete floors and nothing is really there...just a mudroom.

I thought that it had just rained so much over so many days, that the ground was saturated...water had to go somewhere.
And THEN Joel noticed that a gutter in the back of the house is overflowing - right above the seeping spot.

I hadn't even thought about it. There are no trees within 30 feet of the back of the house. How could it be full?!           ...well, it was, and now we have seeping/leaking and it's raining like a son of a gun with predictions that it will continue for a couple of days!

So, I guess I get to go up on the roof, again. I made Joel go get the camera so I could prove it, and I made her stay on the upper deck so someone would hear me scream if that turned out to be a good idea...

The cats found a nice dry spot to watch and comment. Chortling is not attractive in your own cats.

But it's all done now, and I've got the photos to prove it:

I also found out, during both of these operations that I love being on the roof; I MUST go up barefooted, and I'm freaking terrified of falling off things.
AND I proved once again, that I am terrific at 'doing things scared'.           So there!

A thoroughly delightful day

Today, my friends Jim & Vanessa got married. It was a small and perfect wedding in a beautiful setting in the Hondo valley, about 25 miles east of our mountains. Some of you art fans may remember Peter Hurd, a wonderful artist who lived & painted here. The wedding and brunch was held on some of that property and the recent rains made everything lush and gorgeous.

There was beautiful classical guitar provided by a local virtuoso, Tomas Vigil. There were red roses everywhere. And, of course, I cried - just a little. I LOVE to cry at weddings.

Vanessa thought of providing fans as favors; each one inscribed and dated. They came in handy now & then though the day was truly perfect. And Jim thought of giving each of us a carved turquoise bead tied to a tiny card with a quote from his favorite poet, Kahil Gibran. He asked us to put it in a pocket or purse or somewhere, and to think of them and send them love & good wishes for their first month together as husband & wife. I think that is an extremely cool thing to do.

I'm holding mine now. I already love them. And now, there is an 'us' to them, in a different way than there has been before. It's easy to wish them well. I'll do it every day. Thanks for including me.

I didn't take my camera to the wedding, but I did take this one for my own memories...

"Let there be no purpose in friendship
    save the deepening of the spirit."
                                  - Kahlil Gibran

                              

Our Florida Vacation ~ 10 days in July 08

As usual with airlines, we went to Florida from New Mexico by way of Denver. Considering the 3hr drive to the airport from home, you'll realize that Tuesday was devoted to traveling...ALL of Tuesday.
We arrived in Orlando about 10:30 and by the time we got the shuttle to the hotel, we were pooped.

Dad picked us up the next morning and took us back to his home in Rockledge about 40 minutes east.
We spent that day and one night there, then repacked for Clearwater - our favorite beach and our chosen fireworks location. We had such a good time there! As you can see, the 3rd & 4th were as different as two days could be.

Clearwater Beach ~ July 3rd

What a day this was. We were able to find parking close to the beach. No crowds. We found a little restaurant with great grouper sandwiches. While I waited to take them back to the beach, I indulged in a shot (tequila, Laura) and a beer. We're old pros at keeping our picnic out of the hands of marauding sea gulls. The weather was cool & overcast, but that was fine with us; we'd forgotten how HOT Florida is!

Clearwater Beach ~ July 4th

   

Clearwater on the 4th was another matter entirely.
We thought we were there early, arriving about 9:30, but no. Parking was already non-existent, so I let Joel out with 90% of our stuff and headed off on a parking search. I'm not even going to tell you what I paid to park that car, but it was covered and walkable. By the time I schlepped back, Joel had us set up in a great spot. The photo with the two umbrellas is our little piece of beachfront property. It was great fun.

I think we enjoyed watching the little kids more than anything. Some were clearly first-timers and there seemed to be no half measures: either parents couldn't keep them OUT of the water, or the couldn't get them IN. Just way too cute & funny. We had a great day, used tons of sunscreen and got burned anyway, and watched the crowds ebb & flow. By sunset it was beginning to clear out and the crowd was changing to teen couples.
We moved our stuff up to the walkway and picked out a spot for watching fireworks. FUN! We both love fireworks and enjoyed both the planned display and the impromptu exhibits from the beach visitors.

We didn't really know how everything was planned though. We didn't know that the fireworks had been set off from the causeway, or that the causeway was closed to traffic after it was filled up with cars. We didn't know that there was no other way off the island. So...
I didn't know that my 10 minute walk back to the car would then leave me with a 80 minute 'drive' back to Joel and the beach. And then another who-knows-how-long drive back to our motel. Everyone was in a good mood, though, and all in the same boat. There may have been trouble somewhere, but we only had fun!

Sebastian Inlet State Park

Sebastian Inlet is near Barefoot Bay where we lived for about a year in 2004. This map is a good place to look if you want to take a bird's eye view of the coastline.

We happened to go there on a day they were having a regional surfing contest and watched this young man teaching his two boys about the glories of surfing. too cute.

Lone Cabbage ~ Restaurant & Airboats ~ on the St. John's River

This ride was a ton o fun! Even though the river was low and our ride was only 30 minutes, we saw 3-4 times the number of gators as we did on a longer ride 4 years ago. And beautiful skies, lots of birds. The 3rd picture shows a decent shot of a Great Blue Herring as our guide consistently called the heron.
So, he's cute & funny; he doesn't have to be smart, too.

Sebastian, Fl.

For much of the time, we explored places where we had lived. We saw a lot of the wildfire damage from this summer south of Melbourne. And there was still damage visible from the hurricanes of 04. I'm happy to say that Barefoot Bay looked pretty good. It was hit hard just a few months after we left. It is clear that a few just cleared off, left the foundation and moved on. But most were repaired or replaced and were again homey & welcoming.

Our favorite marina was partly still there. Boats are moored and a new building is under construction, but our favorite seafood restaurant was gone with the wind...

Dad & Frankie in Rockledge ~ and Birthday Girl, Alison with hubby Bob and the travelers in Vero Beach

Birthday Bonanza!

You might not know this about me: I can stretch a birthday out for days, sometimes even weeks. It's working that way this year, too! Friends have taken me to meals: New Mexican food for lunch on Thursday, regular and tasty American bacon & eggs for breakfast on Saturday, wonderful roast duck w/dark cherry sauce for dinner on Saturday, a terrific chicken Marsala on Sunday evening, and Joel has promised me lunch out today - the real birthday. Yum! Along with those I've enjoyed great wine, a Dirty Martini, imported beer, and a couple of tasty desserts. And time on my own back patio with friends.

In case you haven't noticed, I really appreciate dining out. From eggs to exotics, I just love to share food & fellowship. Such a great time. I'm the chief cook & bottle washer around home, so it's a double treat when someone else is doing all the work.

Dad sent some cash, as always. This time it will go with us on our trip to Florida tomorrow morning. That will buy some lovely grouper or stone crab while we're there. ...savoring the anticipation already.

Today is the actual official birthday. I got up early, made some coffee and was sitting in a corner with a ton of windows, reading a book, when the movement of this beauty caught my eye.

                                                                                        

 

He's just across the street from me; in this shot maybe 40 ft. away. He lives near here somewhere, and is the same elk we saw last Christmas morning. What a treat to see him today.

Elk is a power animal for me. I don't really understand that, but my heart beats quicker whenever I see one. To have one so close is wonderful. And to have him appear at sunrise on my natal day is just the grandest thing.

Thanks, Universe.

This one isn't a great picture, but I shows his rack. BIG!

During this I'm wandering around outside with my camera and my sleep shirt, probably scaring the neighbors, but not really caring. what fun!

The cats were with me, as they usually are. Here's one right behind the elk. They stayed fairly near me, then walked me home.

Such a wonderful morning.

I've received many great cards, including one with a 'scratcher' that won me $20. Every single block on the card was a winner!

I just realized, as I linked this post to the one from last Christmas, how much the woods have changed. The land & cabin was purchased (nice couple) and the woods have been cleared for fire control and view stuff... It's not really woods anymore, but a nice tree-studded yard.

The elk looks really different, too, without his winter coat, but I'm confident he's the same one.

Here's a shot of our Big Boy taken on the 26th and a little later in the day.

One of the greatest things for this birthday came to me from my sister, Susan, by way of my Aunt Conny. It's a cool necklace of pewter and bone and shells and beads that my Mom made for her sister, my aunt, back in 1981. Such a special thing to have it come back around to me.  Thanks Susan & Conny.

So, bright & early tomorrow morning we begin the trip to Florida. Since we live in the back of beyond, that starts with a 3 hr. drive to the airport in Albuquerque, from which we head to Denver in order to get to Orlando. (Only the airlines...) We'll be spending time with my Dad, and a friend we met a few years ago when we were living in FL. We'll also share an airboat ride with my Dad and stepmom, Frankie.

On the 3rd & 4th, for the fireworks, we'll be in Clearwater Beach. Joel and I just love fireworks! and Joel will never get enough of beaches and big water. On this trip, we'll get to spend time on both coasts: the Gulf side and the Atlantic. Just so excited - more birthday, as far as I'm concerned!

So, miss me while I'm gone. I'll share photos when we get back.

I am the Moon

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Me & Merlin & Gandalf the Grey

Ronni Bennett has another interesting post on her blog today; this one by Dr. Bill Thomas, a geriatrician and twice-monthly columnist for TGB.

If you're beginning to feel your hips or knees in  different ways, or if you wish your balance was a little better, be sure to read this post. It's all about the many reasons a walking cane is completely UNcool (not to mention more damaging than helpful).

Here's an alternative - and one I can embrace with gusto. What could be more appropriate for an Omnicrone, after all?

                                                                                                              Here's mine: 

In 1981 it was just a stick on the ground. On that New Year's Day, I decided to climb a mountain. I was down in the valley then, at Glencoe, where I was apprenticed to a sculptor and lived above his studio. The 'mountain' across the road is scarcely more than a molehill but to me, the newly imported flat-lander from West Texas, it would qualify as Mountain. And it seemed an appropriate way to mark the new year.

As I neared the top the way became steeper and the rocks looser and I began to look for a stick that could make it all easier to navigate. Low & behold, there was my new quarterstaff just lying on the ground waiting for me. And it seemed like a good idea to keep it.

Over the next weeks I stripped the bark off the top portion and used my pocket knife to make it smooth (without removing character). And I glued a small crystal into the tip.

The rest of my quarterstaff is still as it was; bark in tact and a nice little fork in the bottom. I had visions of maybe holding down a snake or other pesky something with that part, but there has never been the least inclination to do so. The only snakes I have ever seen here tend to be of the garden variety, and never threatening.

As evidence, here's the only one I've captured on film:

I don't know how long he was, since he didn't stretch out for me, but he was only about as big around as my pinky finger: a hiking pal, not a theat.

So my quarterstaff has been with me on every single hike I've taken in these mountains. Now that I know how tricky the traditional cane can be, I'll be using the staff if I ever need something for normal day-to-day maneuvering.
Thanks, Ronni and Dr. Bill. 

                 

Aging from a different Perspective

As I walk through my days toward the last one, I aim for an increasing level of consciousness for the process.
This article interests me a lot. It's about zoo animals, really, but I can easily apply it to me. In my case, I tend to serve as my own keeper. And in case that becomes too difficult or even impossible, I've set some things on paper (and above a notary seal) to let my wishes be known.

Just lately, I'm facing decisions about how to approach various chores that are taking different tolls on me than they did in the past. Things like some gardening tasks, or lifting the overfull laundry bin, or laying stones for the patio are some I now feel in my hips and back in ways (or in greater degree) than I never did before. The chores are there to do. I can't afford to hire them all done. Wouldn't if I could on some things; it just wouldn't be MY garden if someone else plants everything. Yes, I'm happy to let Luis do the raking.

And do I treat the pain, adjust my level of tolerance for pain, ignore it, what?

I aim for more massage, but still have many less than one a month. So far, I rely mostly on ibuprofen, T'ai Chi, stretching, etc. As during the patio project, I swiped a couple of Joel's roxicets. (Thanks, Honey!) And I think I may get a real bathtub this summer as an option to the shower. Yea! sigh...

I don't see myself doing much else. Certainly not now. I'm four years shy of Medicare and my blessed insurance company has already disallowed all things related to arthritis, back pain, etc.

What are you doing? or not doing, that you did before?

Here's an excerpt from a wonderful article by Doris Lessing on the subject:

"Old age is no place for sissies," said Bette Davis. You can say that again. (I am saying it again.) The sheer craftiness, tact, ingenuity, needed to deal with the continual assaults on one's pride and independence and dignity are perhaps best not dwelt on, if for no other reason than they might dismay young citizens who will of course when their time comes deal with it all just as well.

I don't think it's just me.

Have you noticed just how low the 'common denominator' has become, these days? Or perhaps it's just me.

It's TV that triggered this particular post. Everything from the commercials to prime-time to cable: it's really tricky to find shows worth the time. I do really appreciate much of it: travel channel, NetGeo, food channel, of course, & HGTV.

Now prime-time is a game show festival, some run 2 hours. Holy cow. Prizes are Huge, though it's very difficult for contestants to grab the really big ones. And the contestants are going into them as if they are make-or-break earth-changing events. (Yes, I know, anyone who actually wins a millions dollars will be changed.)
But no one ever seems to notice that anything they win is more than they came with. It's a game.

Even Oprah has jumped on this particular wagon. I'm waiting to see if she repeats - or how she repeats it. At least her contestants didn't even know there was a prize this first time around. That little secret won't ever work again, so I wonder.

I even liked American Idol in the beginning. But the repartee between the host and judges grew old many moons ago, and only the teenie-boppers decide who wins. What a weirdness. And the contestants seem to think (and maybe they're right) that the way to score points is with a catchy comeback. Where is the real musician who wants to hear the critique, learn, improve, and be better. And yes, there is some good critique happening. No, not from that fluff in the middle, I truly don't get her. Like her? yes, why not? Value her opinion? No.  She rarely offers a comment that will educate a musician. She wants 'em to feel good.
The other two really do have useful things to say, but now it is a game to boo their criticisms unless they are flattering. Getting sooooo old.

And standing ovations no longer have meaning. Sigh...

And then, just when we're down to some really good musicians, the creators of this phenomena turn the  decision making over to 'the fans'. Oh, boy: interactive TV.

Now even my favs, like Food Network and HGTV just can't leave the competitions alone. 

It's really weird.

We know a young woman here, age about 25, who sings really well, plays guitar, and composes some really good stuff. Around here, she's the Karaoke Queen. We've done a web site for her, put her up on YouTube, raised money, taken her to competitions, and coached for success. How's that going?
Well, fine - as long as someone else is doing the work. She'd love to be on Idol, or Nashville Star. And she'll go - if someone just covers the travel and the hotel and the food and the, and the...

Don't get me wrong: she writes & sings everyday. It's not that she does nothing; it's that she does nothing to advance her career. She has made two CDs, in Nashville no less, because there was someone to foot the bill. She 'sat in' briefly with a popular band in El Paso, but "can't" move there.
She won't even get off her duff and put together a local band, because, "they won't be able to go with me...".
Guess what? She's not going anywhere.
She's the Karaoke Queen, using someone else's equipment, singing her little heart out, and taking turns with the other wanna-be's and non-singers who show up for Karaoke around here. It would be so tremendously sad if I didn't know that she was choosing this life.
Bless her little heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm guessing these are just some of the dying throes of a soon-to-be-former TV watcher.
I'm fearful that what I see indicates a trend in thinking (or not thinking) of a vast number of Americans who are just too tired, too lazy, too depressed, too distracted, too - something, to see ourselves clearly.

And of course, the winners are all those folks behind the cameras: the networks, the sponsors, and all the retail outlets that carry that stuff we just have to have, now. Shoot, last night I cooked dinner in the spam of time it took for ONE commercial.
(OK, the salad was already made and I was only grilling tuna, but still...that should not be possible.)

OK - end of rant - exhale, sigh...ommmmmmmmmmmmm

 

I'll be thinking about this one before commenting

"Just because you are good at something doesn't mean
you ever really enjoyed it."

A quote from my friend, Laura.

Politics, the Isms, and The Big Boys

A must-read, in my humble opinion: go here to Time Goes By for opinion by guest contributor, Linda Burnham, on the two big Isms in the current political race - or try this one by Crabby Old Lady.

I took off from these into a little diatribe of my own, but the cosmic powers that enable (or disable) that sort of thing decided that Firefox had 'encountered an error and must shut down'.  When I got it back, Firefox had saved everything for me, except the text of that post.

Hmmmmm... I'll take that as a sign ; )

Go outside; enjoy the sunshine; and remember the words to Julie Gold's song, From a Distance:

'From a distance you look like my friend,
even though we are at war.
From a distance I just cannot comprehend
what all this fighting is for.'

Here's a link to all the lyrics - just one of many.

My Sunday & my own little corner

Easter dawned cloudy and cold with mist and fog...so glad I hadn't spent a lot of time decorating eggs!

Joel and I did the Charles Osgood thing and CBS Sunday Morning, then had a lovely special breakfast of eggs scrambled with a little cheese and some yummy turkey sausage. Yum.

In the afternoon, I played with a collage for my corner.

"In my own little corner in my own little chair
I can be whatever I want to be.
On the wings of my fancy I can fly anywhere
and the world will open its arms to me."
- Rogers & Hammerstein

The whole song doesn't fit, but I do think of it often when I'm 'decorating' it. :)

So...wanna see?

Oh, good.

This is a corner of our bedroom; My Own Little Corner. I could be better about sitting my butt on that cushion. I like this little space. We keep the bedroom closed during the day to cut down on the amount of hunting trophies the cats want to display.

The shelf in the corner holds a Buddha and a Quan Yin, both given to me by a friend from other times.

And a tiny votive candle and a few on my 'special' stones, crystals, etc.

This is how I spent Easter Sunday afternoon. Many of the pictures Joel and I had cut out months ago, thinking we might put a treasure map together for New Years.

Joel declined the invitation to play with them yesterday, though, so I picked out the ones special to me, and cut a few more, and made this.

You can click on it to enlarge it, if you want.

This picture hangs on the wall to the right, and was a gift from Barbara last year. I just love this image. It's of a little old man carrying a bundle of sticks in a place called Lugu Lake, China.

It's enlarged below, and both images are clickable.

The text was chosen by the photographer, Emerson Matabele. His photos are wonderful; explore his site when you can make some time. And he seems to pair them with the perfect quote.
This one is very special to me.
Thanks again, Barbara. 

I had a lovely day, all in all.
I'll explore an interesting thought I had in the next post.

Yesterday was Easter. And my sister Susan's birthday. And only one day behind the Vernal Equinox, and my first spring hike. I must say, it's a pleasure to feel my muscles this way, and to know it's the hike and not the wear of time. almost yummy. The hike was great. Shirt-sleeve weather, but several low places in the creek beds were frozen. We only hiked a couple of miles - 2 1/2 at the most. Most of it was several degrees of vertical, though. an altogether wonderful  Easter.
Hope yours was, too.

Turned in my notice today

Wow! I've set a date with Barbara to quit the job! OMG
I'm a bit of a wuss still; I gave her a month - well, 27 days. Yea!
           (what is a woss, and how do you spell it!    Hey! I really found it! whodathunkit?)

We have a major pile of website updates and additions, so my 27 days will be full. And you know me; I can hardly refuse a good coaching question any time. Perhaps, now, I will "consult".

And guitar classes may start as early as next week. The first is a group including regular guitar, so if that doesn't work just like I want it to (I play bass, you know), I'll take up the other teacher I found who will teach one-on-one. Just he and me and the bass.

ttfn

State of the Person (the Union is fine, thanks)

Dropped out of ITP

Could not really grasp how horrible that group turned out for me.
NO, I mean that the process and I are not a fit at this time.

The Kata was/is actually fairly easy - it worked my body, don't get me wrong. And I think I will continue it to some degree.
What I found was a TON of old baggage about 'promises' and, a bigee to me, I found out Big-Time how I feel when I make a wrong choice.

There was a period of 2-3 months before ITP began in mid-January where many folks met to see 'what's next'. It began as a group to talk about the workings at HMHC and making determinations about various aspects of the work there. It quickly became something else when one person brought the ITP idea to the group. There were several weeks of discussion before a commitment was required.

All through that process, I was 'waffling' - flip-flopping, if you will.

Now, what do I know about that sort of behavior?
well....silly...I know that if the answer is Yes, it will come with bells and whistles and lots of jumping up & down.
Was I jumping up & down about ITP? No.

What else do I know?
Well, I know that I seek more solitude.
I know that I have been hearing the call of the cave for many months.
That's why I've been lightening my load (or attempting to) at HMHC for a long time.

So, what happens when I ignore these things that I KNOW?
Holy Shit! I just go crazy!
I get emotional; I get stomach aches; I cry through the 'get-current' section of each meeting!
and, to top it off, ITP is Not For that. It is not designed to deal with real baggage. It's a very short section of the meetings. They want to know what you're doing; how much you're doing/not doing; how much you relate the physical to the mind/spirit/soul, etc. They are perfectly willing to support one to that end - the integration of body, mind, soul, heart - and we had some very good exercises that worked to do that.

I missed one meeting, too sick (read out-of-my-body/mind); then attended one more where I 'spilled my guts'. One thing true about me is that I simply do not know how to dissemble very well.
But even there, the whole truth did not feel appropriate. I wasn't safe to take myself into that group with all my warts and whiskers showing.

A fellow member (who's a friend) offered a conversation about this and I took him up on it a few days later. I did feel safe talking to Mike, and I talked about some of the big baggage - commitments, promises, cost of keeping/not keeping them, personal values, and my 'pull' from god, and why I think I said 'yes' instead of  listening to my own gut. He agreed with my assessment of the group, it's purpose, and it's tolerance for my level of baggage.

Overall, this has been an educational, and very revealing enterprise. In some ways, I miss them; in most ways, I do not.
I have to practice, still, a consciousness about 'disappointing' myself & others.
But that's normal for me     ; >)

What am I doing instead?

Joel & I joined the local athletic club to swim (makes me chuckle just to associate the two of us and the word 'athletic'). We've done so ONCE! but we're slow starters, and it will get better. The facility is wonderful, not expensive and the pool is huge. Also comes with much more should I choose to add stuff.

I've also pulled out that beautiful bass guitar that I bought over a year ago - and just HAD to have. I've tuned it and have started to learn (relearn) to play.
I've almost got the studio in good working order. So that will be a fun place to play.
I was offered, and accepted, the channeling of my own Soul Song, and will use that in my own meditations. Perhaps it will help to open me to my own dear OmniCrone and allow me to understand the pull I feel toward god...maybe change the pull to a 'call'.

I'm  more calm, more comfortable - I think that is a good thing.
We'll see how it goes.

And as you see - the two or three who read this - I'm not showing up here on the blog very much.
I hope that will change, grow, become richer.
I have no agenda about that right now.

Thanks for hanging in with me.

He Got It!!

Just got off the phone with my nephew Alan. ...yea, the one in Wales...

He was just offered a small roll in a West End musical - the first ever musical version of Gone With the Wind!

Am I proud! you betcha!!
The picture is broken on the link I included, but maybe it will open for you. He's gorgeous, btw.

Anyway, just had to tell ya!

This is one pic...sorry about the blur. It's his class photo from this site.
(Isn't he gorgeous?!)

My friend Frank found this info and photo on director, Trevor Nunn. Thanks, Frank!

 

The musical version of Gone with the Wind has set London dates. It will begin performances at the New London Theatre on  3 April and open on on 22 April.

Trevor Nunn will direct the show, which features a score by Margaret Martin. Nunn said of his new project, “Having now worked on adapting two vast novels for the stage, Nicholas Nickleby and Les Misérables, I am drawn to the challenge of telling Margaret Mitchell’s epic story through words, music and the imaginative resources of the theatre. The major turning point of American history is conveyed through Mitchell’s extraordinary cast of characters, black and white, as they pursue their different ideas of the future, and of the past.”

Alan sent the correct names of the schools: the one he attended and the other for which he auditioned and was accepted:

"That's so lovely!!!  A few corrections.  I attended the Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama.  The other school I auditioned at was the Mountview Academy in London, not RADA.  Everything else is just lovely, tho. "

This is in reference to the email that Frank sent around. I gave him wrong info on the schools. tsk tsk

VocationVacations

I found this site at Dragonslayer. It sounds wonderful, and I've already found the VV I'd take first:
voice-over actor!

If I decide to hire a career coach, though, it will be Laura Young at Wellspring! She's the best, and I know that from experience.

Change...

lots of stuff going on these days.

I'm back to take a look at where I am, where I've been, what's up, and what I believe....
As you can see, the look has changed here. That's a little minor change.

My work at HMHC was 'supposed' to change - get lighter - require less time - move from computer manipulation and notification and into something closer to my heart...oh, well...
My replacement may turn out to be a helper, but she's not a replacement. And while there IS a small piece of me that appreciates the idea of being irreplaceable, it surely gets in the way of my current goals.

The pressure of this work is some of the stuff that sent me off into a stress overload that necessitated an intervention that manifested itself in several ways, including a brief use of anti-anxiety drugs and a few sessions with a cognitive therapist.  Thankfully, all that work is, indeed, working.

I'm much better at seeing what's happening early on. I'm WAY much better at looking at and setting my boundaries around the time I spend. And I have been lavishly praised  for the stuff I do. That always helps, don't you know.    :)

I'm pulled toward solitude.
I can't seem to find it.

My next step is with a group forming now (beginning the work in January) called ITP, or Integral Transformative Practice. We will follow the work of George Leonard and Michael Murphy as discussed in the books, The Life We Are Given and Mastery. These men are strongly connected to Esalen Institute where this process was created and tested. People have been following this work for almost 15 years now with great success.

I've got to tell you, it is VERY scary to me. Even though it seems to me to be the ONE thing that might actually move me to do/be all that I want, the level of commitment is huge. We've had about 4 meetings to introduce the group and let folks know just what will be expected. And I find that it is likely to hit precisely every one of my remaining 'buttons': daily practice, trust, money, and the bigee...can I/will I DO it. Additionally, this group has as a major goal the development of  'community' within the group. We are to bond, work together, and perhaps even give back in some way to our larger community as a group.                            Solitude?     ...not here...?

Whew.

So, in the meantime, and since I have nothing else to do...   (lol)
I've unpacked EVERY box that got sent to San Antonio (for the move that didn't happen), and everything we had stored in the tops of closets or under the stairs. Every item had to find a real home: the right place in the house, or one of my two favorite thrift stores, or to the designated shelves for the soon-to-be-launched EBay store, or to the trash/recycle/etc.

I filled 5 bookcases with books and selected trinkets. I've sorted thru a million items. We still have a couple of collections to deal with. Joel has turtles; I have bells, and before I can unbox them they HAVE to have a place to live. They are in a corner awaiting the 'right' display unit. They must go into something that fits them, looks great, and is easy to dust (or the bells, at least, will be gone).
I am adamant about it!
There will be NOTHING  'stored' in my house except the Christmas stuff, and that, too, is undergoing a major reduction in quantity.  We'll probably only keep the ornaments and some of the lights and garlands for outside. We don't really DO Christmas, anyway.

All this get-rid-of-it frenzy is making it possible to reorganize the studio and all our craft and home maintenance stuff, and create a workout area there. Can't wait to get this project DONE!!!!
Should be done...
...what am I holding onto at HMHC that keeps the 'real' replacement from showing up????!!!!

I'd love to stay and chat, but
HMHC calls...   aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

(Barbara, don't take it personally! It's not about you. And you know I love you!)