KateThoughts

Just who is training whom?

I’ve always thought of it as ‘getting crazy’… but maybe it’s the real part, the who of I am…

The Bearly thing has been quite the experience, and I recently got it – really got it – about the duration and weight of it.

I’m hyper-vigilant, and not a soul can do it right, not even (or especially) me.

I am a leader to a great extent. Can’t wait for puppy-mommy school!

 

Anyway, as I prepare for this massage, I just noticed that this IS mothering. It IS of great duration. He could easily, perhaps, outlive us both.

And Bearly is a tiny puppy – three months old; we’ve had him in our house one month. Only 15+years to go.

And I get to go thru this.
OCD shit is up, bigtime.

Control, ditto

And self-judgment –AND judgment of everyone else.
Poor Joel…I know it feels personal to her and I piss her off (preferable) or hurt her (not good at all!).
It ain’t them, it’s totally me.

And I can choose to ‘get it’ which may be painful periodically.
Or I can do the usual – be frantic and frenetic and obsessed and.. blah, blah,..

I think I’ll choose to notice & experience the weight, because this is BIG

A LIVE ENTITY DEPENDS ON ME TO SURVIVE, AND HOW HE MANIFESTS HIS ‘DOGDOM’ IN THE WORLD WILL BE IS BEING SHAPED BY ME.

(not discounting Joel...I just can't comment on her experience, though it is clear she is more relaxed with him than I.)

But I think I can wear it differently. As an opportunity and an honor rather than a ‘burden’, as Joel calls it; just overwhelming responsibility and fear of failure in my egoic mind.
This could be/is becoming a big deal for me on very many different, and some exciting levels.

Help, thou, my unbelief.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wrote that on Tuesday - now it's Thursday.   Jim (gently) called me out on using the 'getting crazy' phrase in TC class last night. He's right, of course. If I think of myself as getting crazy, then that is exactly what I will do.
Not a glorious feeling...and I felt, for just a moment, like I did in the early days of this class when I was so willing to be wounded by words.
I can Thankfully say that is no longer true. At that point in class, and one other during a closing relaxation meditation, I walked, consciously, thru another emotional reaction to my seeming inability to relax anything, let alone my whole body. And for now, a still mind seems not to be in the cards at all. It was interesting to walk thru those old feelings with some degree of consciousness. Interesting, and satisfying and encouraging.

And I do know that on some levels this is just a new puppy and all is well. LOTS of people are successful at raising puppies. No reason I can't be successful, too. he's a Chihuahua/Yorkie mix and has an energy that is at times amazingly frenetic. Some of that is breed-related. Some of it is probably reflections of me.

For this woman, our new 2 1/2 lb Chorkie, Bearly, is here to teach me. I feel like I'm failing miserably. I know that is not really true.  I also know I can 'mother' a puppy well. The trick for me is to do so without hooking all my 'issues', as it were. And it is clear that I'm going to learn this shit stuff by getting hooked, then getting as conscious as possible as quickly as possible. And meanwhile... breathing seems like a good idea; I forget frequently.

We're going to puppy school for the first time on Saturday. No, not for him; he's got this puppy thing down perfectly. Class will teach us, the new parents. I'm SO ready for some specific direction. The books just aren't the same thing.

In case you haven't met him on Facebook, here is the little cutie:

 

 

 

Stay tuned for further developments. :)

missing chums w/ similar mindset...

Joel makes jokes these days that NM is the country's BBQ pit: because of the fires all over the state.
I like the joking. And certainly like it much better than all the fearful stuff that is showing up all over my FaceBook, email, and such.

And I don't really have much of a forum for what's rattling around in my mind, anymore. So, I'll put it here, where only a few ever read, and I might not tread on tender feelers...

Just got a FB invitation to a "Pray for Rain" event!... really?
Yes.
I come from "The Bible Belt" - geographically, historically, and spiritually...though I've moved on in every sense. I understand what they mean and I know that it's high-minded stuff to those believers and absolutely essential to their spiritual well-being...

I just don't think that there is an entity/spirit/? who answers prayers in the way that my family thinks. I believe that the Spiritual Center that guides my life is more interested in a happy appreciative heart. If I exist as a result of  - or a part of - a god, then it is so that I can be the senses for a non-physical entity who can not experience things on this physical planet in the way that I, as a physical being, can do. ..or as I, this specific physical being; because I don't experience things the way you do. All my filters are my own, as are yours.

And I believe that EVERYTHING is Spirit...a word I'll use here, for now.

The fires, too. To me, it's just Nature cleaning herself. I do it with showers and shampoo; She does it with powerful weather conditions and such. This video says a lot of the stuff I believe about conditions that seem like disasters to many:

 

The main thing that I take away from this, and similar avatars, is a much lighter heart. I'm much more joyful; much more accessible to my fiends; and drastically better connected to my Source - that Spirit.

And because I don't buy the life and death scenario, I'm much less fearful, too.
Life and Life is what I subscribe to.

And, no; I do not think that people set out to intentionally 'attract' disaster or other experiences seen as 'not good' to themselves - not even for the sake of the 'lessons' that may be there.
I do believe in a collective consciousness.
I do believe in a law of attraction (not to be confused with the stuff in The Secret).
I do believe that if many people in an area become overly fearful of anything, they spend time thinking/praying/talking about it, they add energy to the thing that they fear.

I do believe that our emotional center is that part of us that lets us know when we are connected to Spirit or to something else. If I feel fearful, I'm connected to fear, not Spirit, and will attract more fear and more fearful people; and with enough focus on that fear, I will eventually attract the thing that I fear; all while I surround myself with fearful people who support my fear.

For me, to pray, 'God please make it rain', is to be focused on the lack of rain. And as long as I am there with the lack, I cannot be where the rain is. Nor will I feel good.

As I understand it, the law of attraction says, 'that which is like unto itself is drawn'. I want to draw joy, love, happiness, confidence, love, abundance, love, generosity, love, peace...and much more of all of these.

Thanks for listening to my rambling thoughts... 

...and so you don't have to look it up:
This video is of Esther Hicks who 'channels' a non-physical group of entities known as Abraham. Esther doesn't call it channeling, but it scarcely matters. Their web site is linked to the video if it interests you at all.

You may hear of her again here - or others who speak to me in ways that seem to draw me closer to Spirit.
I find that the part of me who wanted to marry a preacher back in high school, now wants to BE one, even though 'preaching' as such rarely feels good now that I know everything is well and nobody really needs it.

(I wonder if, after my croaking experience, I'll find out a real name for that Spirit. My guess is that it is all We.)

 

 

You've gotta laugh...

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”   -Bob Moawad

I choose this.
I keep choosing this.

Each day, I choose this, and each day in some small way (or ways) I give part of my life away.
Sometimes I know what I'm doing when I do it - and choose to do it, anyway.
    ...so I suppose that the deciding process makes it 'my' life... ?

Other times, I don't know I've done it until some later time when I notice the consequences in my gut or my back or my shoulders.

It's funny, really. Thankfully. And the fact that it is funny is why I can keep choosing it. Each day just gets better and better.

What did you choose, today?

Laura; right here and in person (so to speak)

How to recreate yourself after a crisis.

 

I'll have more to say as I work on my own stuff. I thought a few of you might like to 'meet' Laura in a different way.

A general FYI and a note about upcoming stuff

I'm still on a pet-job and haven't been on my own computer in a week. And on Monday, we leave on our road trip to Florida. We'll be gone at least 3 weeks, I think. Dates are tentative, return a sure thing but unscheduled.

I'm WAY far behind on my Google Reader subscriptions, so if you're counting me among the missing, just know that I will be back one day...  : )  (Wanna meet me on the beach?)

Now, just in case any of you followed some of my links to posts by Laura regarding her work on death & dying...OR...if you are interested in that subject for any reason, I want to point you that way again.

Her blog site is here.

Some of her latest ideas are in this particular blog post.

Without going on too much, I will tell you that Laura was my business coach for awhile, and we bacame good friends after that. She has excellent credentials for her next steps - which seem likely to be workshops on the themes of conscious living, and on conscious death & dying - both for oneself, posssibly, and certainly for living through this process for those you love.

I've gotta go; the dogs are ready for their walk, and they mean NOW! But I wanted to do this in case I don't get back here for a few days.

TTFN
and May all be well with you.

An Important Message About Bullying

This is making the rounds of Facebook, so it is quite possible that you've seen it, already.

But it IS Very IMPORTANT, so a little repetition won't hurt - and the bullying does hurt. Help spread this around, please.

Hearts and Hockey Players

Haven't been here for awhile. Lots of stuff – and nothing going on.  thought I'd say so, so you stop wondering...if you are.

Things are blue around here. My best friend of the heart is moving to Florida in 4 days. I’ve been in her house here for 12 days, taking care of her dog and packing stuff. Practicing not thinking about it. I can do the denial part because Joel and I will be traveling to see her in mid-October. So I’ve put off the tears, mostly, except now & then…now.
And with Skype, we can still have our weekly coffee klatches. It just will be different. Oh, well…

On the 10^th, my friend, Michael Schwass died. He is/was an amazing person who took a major life-changing event and turned it into inspiration, hope, incentive, courage, and even joy for hundreds – maybe thousands – of others. You can read one of the obituaries here. But there is no real reason to do so…they don’t really give you any sense of the man.
(adding a link to the obit from the Chicago Sun-Times)

I met him through my friend Laura, who has been one of his best friends for umpteen years, and was a my business, then life coach and now a friend of the heart. My sense of Michael grew out of Laura’s writings about her relationship with Michael, and with the prep work they were both doing around his ultimate death.
You see, Michael was a quadraplegic. He lived longer than most with that condition because of his drive, his huge heart, and his determination that paraplegia would be something from which he learned and taught, not some curse that just happened. Laura explored much of that, and wrote about it as part of her own preparation for his leaving this physical plane, and also because she is so totally committed to living consciously – which, of course, includes dying consciously. This is one little thing she wrote recently about all of this:

“[I am] VERY aware of what a gift it is to only ONLY be sad.
Nothing was left unsaid or undone.
That is an extraordinary feeling and a gift I will cherish the rest of my days.”

(if you’re interested, here is a link to a post Laura wrote a few days ago; and this is a link to a whole bunch of posts about Michael and consciousness – including one called “Giggling at the Cemetery”)

So much of my present work around consciousness was nurtured by her writings and by reading about and, finally, meeting Michael.

And to all of this, I’ll say that Joel and I are looking at some possible changes of the ‘big’ sort. While we are in Florida, we will explore the possibilities of moving there or acquiring a ‘vacation’ home of some sort. Maybe just something we can rent frequently or … I have no idea what we will see, decide, think… much of this bumps up against some of my ‘issues’ if you will. J It’s funny, really, and more stressful than I imagined.

Joel is about to be 70. We’re going to the beach for her birthday.

And I am claiming our former guest room as my sanctuary. In the midst of rearranging, decluttering, and deciding how to turn this tiny space into a cloister.

Life’s a ride, isn’t it?!
…speaking of which, this last weekend has been a motorcycle festival – the noise was phenomenal!

So, blog friends, I am both here and absent. And way behind on most of your writings, too. I’ll catch up one day.

Blessings to you all from a very full heart.

Can you spare a minute of your time?

I'm on another pet-job, and not spending much time online, but this is a good thing... 

Creative People: Geniuses or Mad Women/Men?

I recently read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I recommend it, and I will keep it on the shelf forever. But that is a not the subject for today.

In the last few months I've discovered several bloggers new to me, and found that a surprising number of you are writers, poets, illustrators, gardeners, cooks, and other kinds of creative folk. You have become real blessings to me and often inspire laughter or tears, or provocative thought, and always wonder that we came together in this www. I've come to think differently, sometimes, about what I write here simply because you're out there. (in that regard I have some work to do in the 'get-over-myself' category.)  : )

First, thank you very much. I am somewhat different, and think and create more broadly because of you.

Secondly, I want to share this video with you. It is Elizabeth Gilbert speaking before a group at the TED Talks seminars.

I hope you enjoy it, as I did.
Smiles and blessings to each of you - now and always.

Continuing the "Fates" conversation.

Ursula, the words that work for me may not be the ones that work for you. Even English words won't mean the same for women who are native speakers of two different languages. Then when you add on the variances of dialect, or education, or colloquialisms you sink in a murky pool of who knows what.

In my mind 'accept' or 'acceptance' can have an element of judgment such as is implied here:
"2 : to give admittance or approval to <accept her as one of the group>"

or it carries a negative emotion for me as in this:
"a : to endure without protest or reaction <accept poor living conditions> b : to regard as proper, normal, or inevitable <the idea is widely accepted>"

On the other hand, to allow seems to connote more freedom:

1.

to give permission to or for; permit: to allow a student to be absent; No swimming allowed.

2.

to let have; give as one's share; grant as one's right: to allow a person $100 for expenses.

3.

to permit by neglect, oversight, or the like: to allow a door to remain open.

4.

to admit; acknowledge; concede: to allow a claim.

5.

to take into consideration, as by adding or subtracting; set apart: to allow an hour for changing trains.

(I was happy to note that I understand these words in ways that match up with the dictionary.) : )

The other place, Ursula, where I take a different route is that I believe that no circumstance in the world 'out there' needs changing.
(I feel as if I am sticking my neck out here, but ...
writing it may help it all come clearer for me, too.)

I think that all these circumstances that so many of us think need changing, would completely disappear if we took all of our attention away from them. That's how I understand the bottom line of my present spiritual position. The ONLY things that I can change are the circumstances of my own life in my own space, relationships, economics, etc.

And the best way to change a circumstance in my life that I do not want is to turn my attention away from that, and create what I DO want by consciously intending/creating that picture and then allowing it to come to me - because Source has already said Yes. I just need to get in the right river. In the flow ... 

no more....more rumination needed...or maybe just some Rumi.   :)

IF the Fates Allow...

Do the fates allow? Are there Fates? hmmm...    

I think not.

(This post is growing out of inspiration from Ursula in her comment on my previous post.
Thanks, Ursula; this kind of conversation is one of the main reasons I blog. )

Now then: for me, No Fates.
I've always had a problem with trying to understand or believe in a god that could say to her/his/? children, "No. He can have that, but you can't." Or "suffering" makes you holy".

What I've come to understand and believe now is that there is Source -(One) (God) (Cosmic Mind)- whatever name it has/uses - we use - it is all the same. And that One has manifested all over this planet as the things we see: humans, animals, rocks, weather, everything pretty much that we might associate with a loving spiritual entity.

And my circumstances in this life on this planet is directly related to my personal allowing of that Source to operate in, as, and through me. 

This belief is changing the way I look at everything. Most especially at myself.
It's not scary this time.
When I'm in the flow of the energy of Source, I am joyful. The lessons come in learning to stay in that flow; how to notice when I'm not in it; and the steps to take to return to it as soon as possible.

These theories also buck a lot of my religious background, the beliefs of people close to me - indeed, a great deal of the population! So I tussle with myself from time to time - sometimes hour to hour : )

This is all you get today. Deep - must sit with it/in it... later friends

As it is...?

Life as it is.
That's just the way things go.
That's how it is.
We've always done it that way.

Oh,yeah?

well...

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
You can't fix the problem with the same thinking that caused the problem.

There are tons of examples for ignoring what is in favor of what one wants.
Like the basketball players who visualize making baskets to improve their shooting. 

I imagine it a bit like skeet shooting in sloooww motion.
Life is the target moving thru the air..the what is.
I don't aim at what is. I must aim out in front of that.
I must imagine where the target will be when my bullet gets there.
And once I've pulled the trigger, I'm done. Nothing else to do but wait.

OK>>>that's a really bad analogy, but all you're getting today. MUCH more fun things to do... I just want to say that LIFE - as it is -  ain't all that much, and focusing on what (you think) IS, won't get you to where you COULD be. ever.

A rambling game of "What If"

When I fell into retirement eight years ago (age 58), I didn’t know that it was happening. I thought I was taking some time off to finish some schooling and then begin a new career. The time from then to now has been a bit of a ramble: fits and starts, exploration and insploration, all of it interesting, some of it hard, all of it …transformative.

If, or when, I thought about retirement at all, it was first a desire to escape the corporate madness and then to go more slooowwwwwly.

Now I find there are not enough hours in the day for all I’m drawn to do. Sometimes I follow where my impulses lead me; sometimes I stick to the game plan. And now I’m coming to like both, judge neither, and be wherever I am in the moment.

This morning, I was wandering some blogs I read regularly and came across this post at Synch-ro-ni-zing that made me think. Ruth often does. She doesn’t know me yet, because I’ve been lurking there and haven’t commented yet. She mentioned another blog post that I fully intended to go read…but when I found a comment from the writer in question I was compelled to click over to her post immediately. Lovely You writes at The Good In You. So now I’m lurking in the background of two blogs fairly new to me and find that I am now compelled to work on some thoughts I’ve been having for awhile now…

First: Thanks Ruth and Lovely You for today’s inspiration; for the crystal clarity of your written words; and for the beauty of those parts you allow us to see.

So, on to the game of What If.

My journey has brought me to this place today where I consider that All Is Well. I consider that the thought might be actually and literally true.
The trail to that conclusion goes something like this:

·        What if there really is only one god? An energy that pervades and is all, and is in me, too? (and in you, and in that rock, and in weather, etc…)?

·        What if God is good – only good? And those things that look bad to me are only indications of a separation from that energy – and not really real, since god is everything and All is Well?

·        What if the circumstances a/o events in the world that seem not good, are only illusions manifested as contrast so that I can learn from them about how to stay connected to the only one good god?

·        What if it is true that thoughts and words and focus have energy of their own?

·        What if those things to which I give my attention get bigger or more intense?

·        What if I can change my personal world by where, how, and upon what I focus my attention and my intention?

·        What if the collective we can change the entire physical world by where, how, and upon what we focus our attention and our intention?

And here are a few observations about the world ‘as it is’.
We are being fed a completely disproportionate amount of bad news thru various media: TV news and pharmaceutical and insurance ads, preachers, peers, etc. Where are the stories of the everyday lives and loves of US?  We are being led strongly into fear by these same groups who want to sell us things, or save us; who want us to feel powerless to change anything without relying on them or their products.
In my little world, my own experimentation has proven to me that I can affect the quality of my life by shifting my focus to the positive; and by seeing all people and things and circumstances as they really exist in the mind of god - as perfect.

By creating and holding this vision, I do transform myself and my environment. It seems a clear and compelling vision that can, and does, really impact the whole planet.  And to see the world ‘as it is’ in the news, for example, is to add to the energy that maintains the suffering we think is real.

For example: (and I wouldn’t, in other circumstance than this blog, even bring up this subject)
The Gulf oil spill. I am not able to go there and walk the beaches and actually make physical changes in what is happening there. Nor do I have the energy to stay here and collect hair or hay and send it for the reclamation efforts.
For me to then hold it in my mind, and brood on it, or see it as disaster, or feel grief, or lament out loud about the whys and wherefores only serves to feed more energy into the thing itself. To listen to the countless hours of such lamenting on ‘news’ programs does the same thing.

I think it is my purpose to see a bigger picture: to see a planet that has taken care of itself for millennia, and will survive and thrive. I think I must watch my words and my mind and heart to transform all of them to positive loving things that uplift. To be sad or angry about things I am totally unable to affect is to add energy to them and does not transform;

There is a phrase in one of the comments, “My heart is now likely to break, from fullness though, not from sadness.”; and I would suggest that just changing from ‘likely to break’ to ‘overflowing with’ might transform the hearts involved, including mine.

I’m new (in some ways) to thoughts like these. I’m sure they will evolve as I continue to explore. And the evidence in my own life suggests that I’m on the right track – at least for me – at least for now.

I found this poem in the sidebar of Ruth’s blog:
THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
— Wendell Berry  

Ouch; scratch me, and my Ego still bleeds

I LOVE aging.
I love the piles of adventures and experience;
I love learning (at last) more about what my body will and will not put up with; when to push it and when to coddle it; when it complains out of laziness or is speaking of what it really needs.

I love listening: to my body, to my heart, and to rain and crickets and vocal harmony, and to the tears of a friend.

I love love love learning about (and in) relationship: with my wife, with friends, teachers, strangers…whomever. All of them are buddhas; likely or unlikely, I learn from them all. That was not always the case.

I love being able to translate these things and the life lessons they brought, into the chart that has become my spiritual and ethical center.

 

AND my capital E ego can still cringe at times. Even bleed a little. What makes it different now is the perspective that aging brings. What would have been a huge cause for major drama and lament only a few years ago, is now just a little scratch. It doesn’t need a bandage anymore. It just reminds me that I am still in a human body and still dancing with that ego. And I can smile and think, how wonderful that I am still learning. And that, now – usually sooner rather than later - I can tell when my dance partner is that Ego and when it is a better part of me.

 

I would not trade my years for anything at all.

For all you Crackpots out there...I mean 'cracked pots'...I mean... well...

You’ve seen this before, I suspect. But it is a lovely story

 

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do ha lf of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. 
'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.' The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'

'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.'
For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.' 

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.
 
Remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

As for the practice...

It's as if I never mentioned the idea in the first place.

Oh, I can tell you several reasons, but there are really no excuses beyond profound laziness. Now, how on earth do I make that concept 'downstream'?

Meanwhile, I'm a little more than halfway thru this long pet job and contemplating never doing it again. 

So, off to the showers before a Rolfing session; later a guitar lesson, then Tai Chi and a meditation practice. sounds good. see you later.

More on my love/hate relationship with computers...

Today I'm typing from a friend's computer while on a short pet-sitting job. She uses AOL to get to the 'net', and I don't like it!
So I'll learn patience and flexibility. Cool...

This job is just for two days or I would have brought my own - but then, that's not such a great deal either. It's approaching the time to purchase another one, but I confess that it rankles just a bit.
And the rankling rankles! This 'going with the flow' stuff is tricky to navigate.

I was just reminded (Thanks, Marcia) about the interesting people one can meet thru blogging and other social networks by my recent discovery of this terrific blog: Well Aged with Some Marbling.
Marcia is funny and insightful and writes well. You might enjoy it, too.
But in using AOL, with which I am very unfamiliar, in trying to link with her and respond to her - I found myself really missing the Tabs available in other browsers. I'm sure there is a way to open Firefox or something, but I hesitate to mess too much with someone else's computer.

I've also been exploring the channeled works of Abraham, a collection of 'beings in non-human form' who manifest in this plane though a woman named Esther. Excerpts are now appearing up top in the left sidebar on this blog.
I must say, I have no strong feeling one way or the other about 'channeling'. I used to poo-poo it; there was probably a time when I would have considered it charlatanism or down-right evil. What moves me in the words of Abraham are my feelings of complete rightness in what I'm hearing. You'll have to decide for yourself, both whether to look or not - to allow or not.

I have found that I can not ignore what I'm hearing. For a very long time I've held the belief (with many others) that our thoughts and words have energy of their own, and I work consistently to make my thoughts & language intentional. Abraham teaches that, too. Basically, they teach the Law of Attraction - though when that came to me in the form of The Secret, I could not run fast enough in another direction. Funny, this mind of mine.  Because here I am now, caught hook line and sinker and enjoying the ride immensely. I'll be speaking of it more in the future, I'm sure.

So, back to computers and rankling... I'm torn between just buying one, and the frustration of knowing that it, too, will succumbto obsolescence and short-term memory problems some time in a future nearer than I think appropriate.  ...sigh...  According to Abraham, if I stay in the flow and focus on what I want, the right computer will appear at the right time, at the right price, and will be perfect in every way.

As in all things - UP UNTIL NOW - my skeptical mind is OK with the theory, but the faith is has been harder to come by. Practice, practice, practice...

Which calls Jim to mind. My T'ai Chi teacher and friend. though I have been taking his classes for several years now, and even leading the class now & then when he must be away, I have yet to create a consistent daily practice - of T'ai Chi or any other discipline. To Jim, that's laziness. And to me, too, really. I don't want to hear that, though. (I'm thinking of you, too, Laura.)   :)

On Wednesday, I start a new pet-sitting job that will last 6 weeks. Forty-two days seems like a good length of time for starting a new habit, refocusing my mind, and creating a daily practice. I'm making a commitment to myself to do that, and I'll tell you here how it's going from time to time.

It will include T'ai Chi, my bass, and a daily workshop as described by Abraham. It may or may not include meditation.
So, what might be different this time? We'll see...

TTFN...

Fidelity and the Human Brain, or Open your Minds, People!

I love being in the flow of ideas; or just in the flow (but that's another post); life is so much simpler here.

For a long time I've felt that the average philandering male has gotten the short end of stick. Just think of how we have vilified so many otherwise good men; I don't need to name them here (even to get more Google pings).

(BTW: the word philander has two definitions, both of which are followed by the phrase: 'Used of a man'. I haven't been able to find a similar word 'used for a woman'. Well, there ARE some, but they are of the four-letter variety.)

It really came to a huge head for me over the big golfer-hero media frenzy. The amount of muck-racking that went on, and still goes on, was startling and embarrassing. Yes, I knew it was to be expected. We've become a culture that feeds on scandal. It was interesting to me that maintaining a boundary about NOT hearing all the BS was so difficult. And why is scandal such a big deal?  --also another post.

Recently, I've had several conversations about this. And now here is an article, by neuropsychiatrist, Dr. Louann Brizendine, M.D., that more or less proves my point.  Dr. Brizendine wrote The Female Brain, and has recently released her book, The Male Brain. Here is a transcript of an interview in Elle magazine with the doctor. The interview is very interesting, though I almost didn't read past the author's seeming skepticism.

So what do I think?

If fidelity is important to you, you better cover it in the contract. Yes, I mean the marriage contract, or your wedding/commitment vows.

Fidelity is NOT automatically included anymore because so many write their own, and many don't 'get it' that what they write is, indeed, a contract. And I assert that the couple standing in front of the officiant MAY not be totally engrossed in what is actually being said in the more traditional services. In fact, the more traditional, the less likely the actual words will be heard. 

Let's wake up. As a culture, we've developed a huge double-standard that makes (used to make) men just sowers of wild oats, while making women sluts or whores or worse. Let's learn to understand ourselves better. And we'll still let men get away with it unless we (the media) feel some kind of need to 'take them down' or improve our ratings.

So - talk about it. Discuss the if-then. What will be the consequences of philandering behavior? For either partner? Say out loud, "I expect total and complete fidelity 100% of the time, and if I don't get it, this will be the result."
I don't subscribe for a second to the theory that men can't help it. Of course, they can and millions of faithful men have proven that.

I do not mean, in any way, to excuse extramarital (or extra-relational) philandering. I DO think we need to grow up - as a culture, and to learn more about how we're wired and why we do the things we do. And what aspects of living together are really important.

And frankly, I believe that some of the casual sex engaged in by married/committed women MAY be different (and possibly more harmful) because they might have underlying motives such as a need to get even, or to punish, or to raise their own self-esteem. That is not even about sex, but about something else, entirely.

And lastly, if we were to grow up culturally, the harmless sexual behaviors of consenting adults might go back to being a private matter rather than fodder for a ratings-hungry media. Imagine the time that would be freed up for important matters. Consider this article by Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Saul Friedman.  

AND, I think that much of this can apply to same-sex couples as well, with obvious, and not so obvious differences. A lot of it is just truly understanding what we promise when we decide to 'commit' ourselves to another person. And then knowing where one's own integrity lies when it comes to the promises we've made. Yes, promises can be broken; it happens everyday. It's important to me to be sure that I never do so accidentally, or because 'I just couldn't help it'.

Vibrational Frequencies ~ Up... and Down?

"In order to help someone who's in a very different vibrational frequency, you've got to adjust your vibrational frequency so that they can hear you. And if we were standing in your physical shoes, we would not adjust our vibrational frequency down—ever. We would not introduce more resistance in our vibration for any reason whatsoever, because disconnecting yourself from resources does not give them more to eat."  - Abraham

This is the text of today's quote from the channeled work of Jerry & Esther Hicks.

Here is a totally new reason (as if I needed more) for keeping my nose out of other folks' business.
I guess it's really not new; I've known this.
But it is SO easy to get my little inner preacher preaching!

I do SO love sharing my infinite wisdom. :)
I hope you're laughing; I am right now, but I often forget.
                                                                    Then I get to hear cosmic laughter!

What it implies is that for me, individually, to get/stay connected to my Source IS the path to more sustenance for others. Cool, huh?     or...Model it; don't preach it.
ONE MORE TIME - I can ONLY change myself. 

'Why' may be the most useLESS question ever asked

Declan Galbraith is a very good singer/songwriter, maybe a great one someday.
And it is certainly true that this is musically beautiful.

But in my opinion, the Why question may sound pertinent but only adds to the confusion and problems that we experience. The question implies an answer, for one thing. And even when there IS one, no answer to this question provides a change in the condition. Constantly screaming/asking/meditating/singing on a why question for any situation simply focuses one's mind on the problem.

Contrast this song (above) with Bette Midler's From a Distance.

Just consider the differences in these verses:

In my dream children sing a song of love for every boy and girl
The sky is blue and fields are green and laughter is the language of the world
Then I wake and all I see is a world full of people in need

Tell me why (why, why, does the tiger run)
Tell me why (why why do we shoot the gun)
Tell me why (why, why do we never learn)
Can someone tell us why we let the forest burn?

(Why, why do we say we care)
Tell me why (why, why do we stand and stare)
Tell me why (why, why do the dolphins cry)
Can some one tell us why we let the ocean die?
                              

    Then this.....

From a distance the world looks blue and green,
and the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream,
and the eagle takes to flight.

From a distance there is harmony,
and it echoes through the land.
And it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves,
it's the heart of every man.

It's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves.
This is the song of every man.
And God is watching us, God is watching us,
God is watching us from a distance.
                                       

The differences I hear in these lyrics are HUGE. And reflect what I hear in the people around me everyday. We, the editorial we (I pray), simply do not (maybe can not) hear our own negativity. We fell in love with The Secret; we joined Oprah's group to discuss Eckhart Tolle, and for what? I don't know; I can't see any differences anywhere.

I'm running out of people to talk to. I'm hyper-sensitive these days to language and connotation and intent. The world seems to be on such a completely irreversible course straight to extinction. And I can't help but see that (extinction) as the perfectly natural and appropriate consequence of the decisions we have made.

Decisions about how we keep score and what we value are critical to every aspect of our lives. And yet, we seem not to get that connection between those things and the conditions we see around us everyday. We bemoan our educational system without realizing that it suffers because we prefer to reward football players and actors much more than teachers. Many of us suffer and even die because we value drug companies and specialists more than nature and life-style changes. We invest billions in drug companies and gurus to keep us living longer on a planet that we KNOW is dying from overpopulation and disregard. We created a political system that enforces and guarantees a gulf between We the People and those who claim to represent us. And then we watch them argue for power among themselves while they claim to serve.

Here's a 'why' question for you: Why would any rational conscious person on this planet want to live one single second longer than absolutely necessary?

I don't get it. I don't get why there are still starving people in African deserts. Or anywhere else for that matter. We don't have to step back to any great distance to know that many people throw away more food than some villages ever see. We KNOW, if we look, that today's bag of rice is feeding the great-great grandchildren of the same people we sent a bag of rice to yesterday.

Duh!?

My friend, Nancy, and I speak a similar language. She thinks I need to get out more...out of town, that is. This is a  touristy little berg in the boonies of southern New Mexico, full of realtors and retirees and is extremely conservative and fundamental. I suspect she may be right; my horizons here are WAY too narrow.

Perhaps I'm just dancing with my dark side. It's true that my thinking can be a bit compulsive. 

In any case, I've been working on this draft for 3 days and that is more than enough time to spend of something I can effect only in my own heart. Nancy & I are planning a day trip to the Bosque; just we and about a gazillion feathered friends. Undoubtedly, they can blow away these current winds of ...whatever this is...this absence of god...this futility that I feel.

Thankfully, none of those things I decry are real.
It's just me & my mind wallowing in the trough of disconnection. It's a temporary aberration.

I'll be back. 

The Ongoing Saga of the Battle Between Ego & Spirit

There may be more rambling than saga here, but... it's a blog after all - not a thesis.
(I looked thesis up, and it is that, actually: 3. A hypothetical proposition, especially one put forth without proof.)   :)

As some of you may know, raising my consciousness/awareness is a value I hold. It's one that often conflicts with other things going on in my (moderately compulsive) brain.

Increasing my awareness about the food I consume is one of the ways I advance this ideal of mine. Lately, that has been fueled by Michael Pollan and his books. And also by the film Food, Inc. and stuff I'm reading around the web, such as articles by my friend Laura. Moving my body a bit is another way. This manifests as continuing lessons in T'ai Chi but has not yet presented as a regular daily practice.

So, what's the battle?

Well, I was watching a trainer speaking to a group of women the other day (TV). He was teaching them this mantra: "Exercise is not negotiable," and suggesting (strongly) some very drastic (to me) changes in their eating habits. He seemed to want them to believe that they truly had NO choice. Basically, his message was exercise and eat right or DIE. And his absolute, in the 'not negotiable' sentence raised all my hackles and fired up my ego and compelled me to yell at the screen: "Oh, yeah! Of course, it is negotiable, you idiot."
I can choose dying.

And there is the dilemma.

I think that it may be a responsibility of mine to get off this planet as soon as the trip takes me to that point. It's not about suicide; it's about too many people. It's not about me; it's about the planet. It's not about health, per se, it's about consequences.

It's balancing my food addiction and my real love of all things food, with my increasing spirituality and consciousness. I suspect that it's mostly denial, as in that river in which so many of us are floundering.

My addiction is quite active. If I am not eating (or maybe while I'm eating), I'm planning the next food opportunity: recipe search, shopping, prepping, cooking, serving, and back to eating again. I love cooking for other people. And while all my choices for guests consider their own food issues or goals or tastes, I'm drawn, still, to all those old comfort-foods that continue to work for me.
(What fun I am already having preparing the Super Bowl Party food! I could care less about the game.)

So, I have a long way to go here.

I'm sure I will continue to evolve. I think I could not really stop evolving, even if I tried. And I'm fairly sure that spirit/god understands the 'thing' I have with food even though I clearly do not, as  yet.

Balance is the only way I can think of these matters at the moment. And I don't pretend for a moment that I am actually IN balance. (Work-in-progress...hold that thought.)

Some of what feeds the confusion or inability (or unwillingness) to move in one direction or the other is what I see when I look around me at stuff on TV; at some of the people I know; at national and world politics; at the way we teach each other and our kids to value score-keeping over consciousness.

Gotta go play with someone else's computer... I'll be back to this.

Rumi speaks to me...again

I opened The Essential Rumi to this poem last night. Does it speak to you, too?

Who Says Words with My Mouth?

All day I think about it, then at night I say it.
Where did I come from, and what am I supposed to be doing?
I have no idea.
My soul is from elsewhere, I'm sure of that,
and I intend to end up there.

This drunkenness began in some other tavern.
When I get back around to that place,
I'll be completely sober. Meanwhile,
I'm like a bird from another continent, sitting in this aviary.
The day is coming when I fly off,
but who is it now in my ear who hears my voice?
Who says words with my mouth?

Who looks out with my eyes? What is the soul?
I cannot stop asking.
If I could taste one sip of an answer,
I could break out of this prison for drunks.
I didn't come here of my own accord, and I can't leave that way.
Whoever brought me here will have to take me home.

This poetry, I never know what I'm going to say.
I don't plan it.
when I'm outside the saying of it,
I get very quiet and rarely speak at all.

So, Thanksgiving is over...

...what are you thankful for today?

(can't testify to the "vote", nor could I find the creator of this series of photos. I got it first as a PPS presentation thru email (thanks, Rene), and found it in many forms all over the web. I chose to save this one.)

Spiritual Moments

I found this video posted on Ronni Bennett's site this morning. It reminded me to look around me a little differently for the various small blessings that cross my path every day. I thought you might enjoy it, too.

Thought about the ES experience.

I'll be really glad when Thursday rolls around and the ship commitment is over, but it has not been all bad. In fact, the stuff I have not enjoyed has taught me more, AND allowed me to appreciate the stuff I do enjoy; like today's sunshine, the gorgeous skies (in all kinds of weather), and the quiet. And I learned that quiet is relative and often generated internally...

amazing, huh?

A Thought on Aging

The thought of the day from my homepage: "Refdesk" is

"It is always self-defeating to pretend to the style of a generation younger than your own; it simply erases your own experience in history." - Renata Adler

Labor Day: not laboring, just thinking

After doing a few online chores and being VERY grateful that the rain is saving me (once again) from the pig-pen chore, I went bouncing around a few of the blogs I read.

Looks like I may need a new list.

Yes, many Americans are having a tough time. Some stories can be quite disheartening, and some of them are not so far from home.

But, tell me, please, what does all this complaining accomplish?

At this blog - KateThoughts - we hold a more positive point of view, and a much broader one. It's all about perspective. Everything is always about perspective.
Perspective and attraction. And no, I'm not fond of The Secret. But I do thoroughly believe that my thoughts, words, and actions have energy & power. Where I place my focus gets BIGGER. If I consistently focus on pain, it hurts MORE, not less. And if I spend my energy complaining of the economy, it will continue to cause struggle for me.

So, 'woe is me/us' posts don't stay on my screen very long. The one thing they accomplish for me is to switch me over into grateful thoughts, almost instantly. 

It seems very important to me - especially in times like these - that we look for the things about which we can be grateful. And about the ways we can lift up those around us who might enjoy a little 'light'. Not everyone we know will want to step out of the complaining/whining stuff. Many don't even know there can be an option. 

So, on this Labor Day, I am grateful for:

• Retirement (thanks Mom & DM)
• Tremendous opportunities to be helpful financially & energetically
• Horizons - and the pet job that brings me to the countryside
• Summer rain showers
• Computers and telephones
• and Awareness:
  that there is so much to be grateful for
  that thoughts have energy
  that tough times can bring insight & inspiration
  that how I 'take' things is a choice I make - repeatedly

So have a nice day,
unless you have other plans, of course.

:)

Poertry (by K. Rhoades) from Erin

Erin, thanks for finding this. What sparked Erin to remember this was my story of a drumming experience at White Sands many years ago. I suspect that all of the women present for that spontaneous and inspired piece of creative heaven remember it clearly, as I do. This poem captures the emotions I felt then and thoughts I've had about it since.

I Walked into a Moment of Greatness

“I walked into a moment of greatness. There was a wave of pure emotion running through the air like a pulse recording the beat of souls. I stood against a wall, the house was in darkness, light on the stage.

The last act of Meistersinger had begun. I listened. All of me heard. If that straight line of terrific tensity which stretched continuously between myself and the music, growing more and more sensitive each moment, could have existed indefinitely until the line became inseparable with the state about it what would have happened?

Everything had merged there was no possibility of any retention of the separateness of a human self from the space of sound into which that sentient self had projected. An extension of feeling and a diffusion of music with it creating a condition of oneness. A passing of each into the other.

Sound, Giving, Will, Feeling, an insistent entity reached. Was there any part of me that did not respond? I was not a woman. I became merely a part of the attunement of the moment as did all the others. The strangers standing so near that I could have touched them and I think we were touching. We had dropped our little selves we were not but something greater than ourselves was breathing. What gave it the impetus to breathe? And if it could have endured, if a climax could have been reached and held for the fraction of a second - would not that instant have become infinite? Would it have been death? Or escape into a quickening of life?”

Katharine Rhoades April 1915.

Ms. Rhoades was an artist as well as a writer. I found this excerpt about her work interesting.

”The terms in which critics evaluated Rhoades' work at the 1915 exhibition place her paintings within a loosely defined expressionism, which prioritized emotion, intuition, and spirituality. Charles Caffin in the New York American insisted that Rhoades' reliance was on intuition, rather than observation: "Miss Rhoades seems to have a capacity of psychically sensing her subject" (19). Agnes Meyer, a journalist, photographer and fellow member of the Stieglitz circle reviewed Rhoades' work at the time of the 1915, commenting on the artist's individual vision:

“her whole impulse to paint seems to spring from a close communion with and a desire to impart the underlying significance of the world as she sees it . . . There seems at first to be a strange and foreign quality in her portraits but a sympathetic study reveals the fact that she has seen further or at least differently than we (Meyer 8).”

Meyer again points to Rhoades' ability to visually articulate a metaphysical consciousness and stresses her status as a seer, psychic, or medium through which highly developed states of consciousness are expressed.”

The article in which this excerpt appears was found online.

Alan Watts on Life & Music

Laura posted this today and I am compelled to save it here.
THIS IS IMPORTANT! and I'm not kidding.

Inspiration v. Marketing...Inspiration & Marketing

This is a lovely video about Nature and her inspiring qualities.

Be ready for the major marketing campaign should you click on anything that comes on your screen after the movie plays.

I don't know the answer (yet) to this current quandary of mine. Perhaps you have opinions that might enlighten me.

HMHC is in the middle of Peace Village - a day camp for young kids that includes a segment on media literacy. I'm wondering who's teaching that subject to the rest of us. And I wonder about the 'real' value of films such as the one linked above when its primary function seems to be about selling books and other products.

Do I need a book on Nature, or do I need to go outside?
I'm feeling a little schizo about this already. I love inspirational books, picture books, things that inspire, and I spend money on them.
Someone takes the photos, finds the quotes, publishes...and all the tons of chores attached to producing the book, the video, the ad campaign.
Hell, I'm even filing a bunch of my own photos under the heading of 'the book project'.

And yet, I'm bothered by....this?
        maybe not...
I guess it's mostly the constant barrage of advertising that comes our way on a minute by minute basis. I believe myself to be at least somewhat literate about such media and I still can be caught in the net. I love HGTV, too. And the shows are becoming increasingly about things to sell.

...
OK.
Enough for now. I'll be better off in this moment to go outside. I don't know the answer; don't really need to know the answer. For my inspiration just now, I'll go outside.  You go, too. Your back yard is far enough, though the world awaits.
:)

Sweet Sweet Honey

You know I love harmonies. These women have been singing in harmony for decades. mmmm!

Don't Worry, Be Happy... :)

Long time no see...
I've been working in the yard (- beautiful results, if I do say so myself!) and getting ready for our trip to Chicago.

Meantime, here's a little ditty you've heard before with a video you may not have seen...
enjoy
http://www.cmt.com/videos/bobby-mcferrin/89948/dont-worry-be-happy.jhtml

I'd love to embed one, but most videos are cartoons or still shots or no good. Go ahead, click thru and enjoy the link above.

Music & Art: luxury or necessity?

My friend Erin sent this to me. It is worthy of reading and remembering; hence its posting here.
Thanks Erin.

Written/delivered by Dr. Karl Paulnack, director of the Music Division of The Boston Conservatory.

"One of my parents' deepest fears, I suspect, is that society would not properly value me as a musician, that I wouldn't be appreciated. I had very good grades in high school, I was good in science and math, and they imagined that as a doctor or a research chemist or an engineer, I might be more appreciated than I would be as a musician. I still remember my mother's remark when I announced my decision to apply to music school-she said, "You're WASTING your SAT scores." On some level, I think, my parents were not sure themselves what the value of music was, what its purpose was. And they LOVED music, they listened to classical music all the time. They just weren't really clear about its function. So let me talk about that a little bit, because we live in a society that puts music in the "arts and entertainment" section of the newspaper, and serious music, the kind your kids are about to engage in, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with entertainment, in fact it's the opposite of entertainment. Let me talk a little bit about music, and how it works. The first people to understand how music really works were the ancient Greeks. And this is going to fascinate you; the Greeks said that music and astronomy were two sides of the same coin. Astronomy was seen as the study of relationships between observable, permanent, external objects, and music was seen as the study of relationships between invisible, internal, hidden objects. Music has a way of finding the big, invisible moving pieces inside our hearts and souls and helping us figure out the position of things inside us. Let me give you some examples of how this works. One of the most profound musical compositions of all time is the Quartet for the End of Time written by French composer Olivier Messiaen in 1940. Messiaen was 31 years old when France entered the war against Nazi Germany. He was captured by the Germans in June of 1940, sent across Germany in a cattle car and imprisoned in a concentration camp. He was fortunate to find a sympathetic prison guard who gave him paper and a place to compose. There were three other musicians in the camp, a cellist, a violinist, and a clarinetist, and Messiaen wrote his quartet with these specific players in mind. It was performed in January 1941 for four thousand prisoners and guards in the prison camp. Today it is one of the most famous masterworks in the repertoire. Given what we have since learned about life in the concentration camps, why would anyone in his right mind waste time and energy writing or playing music? There was barely enough energy on a good day to find food and water, to avoid a beating, to stay warm, to escape torture-why would anyone bother with music? And yet-from the camps, we have poetry, we have music, we have visual art; it wasn't just this one fanatic Messiaen; many, many people created art. Why? Well, in a place where people are only focused on survival, on the bare necessities, the obvious conclusion is that art must be, somehow, essential for life. The camps were without money, without hope, without commerce, without recreation, without basic respect, but they were not without art. Art is part of survival; art is part of the human spirit, an unquenchable expression of who we are. Art is one of the ways in which we say, "I am alive, and my life has meaning." On September 12, 2001, I was a resident of Manhattan. That morning I reached a new understanding of my art and its relationship to the world. I sat down at the piano that morning at 10 AM to practice as was my daily routine; I did it by force of habit, without thinking about it. I lifted the cover on the keyboard, and opened my music, and put my hands on the keys and took my hands off the keys. And I sat there and thought, does this even matter? Isn't this completely irrelevant? Playing the piano right now, given what happened in this city yesterday, seems silly, absurd, irreverent, pointless. Why am I here? What place has a musician in this moment in time? Who needs a piano player right now? I was completely lost. And then I, along with the rest of New York, went through the journey of getting through that week. I did not play the piano that day, and in fact I contemplated briefly whether I would ever want to play the piano again. And then I observed how we got through the day. At least in my neighborhood, we didn't shoot hoops or play Scrabble. We didn't play cards to pass the time, we didn't watch TV, we didn't shop, we most certainly did not go to the mall. The first organized activity that I saw in New York, that same day, was singing. People sang. People sang around fire houses, people sang "We Shall Overcome". Lots of people sang America the Beautiful. The first organized public event that I remember was the Brahms Requiem, later that week, at Lincoln Center, with the New York Philharmonic. The first organized public expression of grief, our first communal response to that historic event, was a concert. That was the beginning of a sense that life might go on. The US Military secured the airspace, but recovery was led by the arts, and by music in particular, that very night. From these two experiences, I have come to understand that music is not part of "arts and entertainment" as the newspaper section would have us believe. It's not a luxury, a lavish thing that we fund from leftovers of our budgets, not a plaything or an amusement or a pass time. Music is a basic need of human survival. Music is one of the ways we make sense of our lives, one of the ways in which we express feelings when we have no words, a way for us to understand things with our hearts when we can't with our minds. Some of you may know Samuel Barber's heart wrenchingly beautiful piece, "Adagio for Strings". If you don't know it by that name, then some of you may know it as the background music which accompanied the Oliver Stone movie Platoon, a film about the Vietnam War. If you know that piece of music either way, you know it has the ability to crack your heart open like a walnut; it can make you cry over sadness you didn't know you had. Music can slip beneath our conscious reality to get at what's really going on inside us the way a good therapist does. I bet that you have never been to a wedding where there was absolutely no music. There might have been only a little music, there might have been some really bad music, but I bet you there was some music. And something very predictable happens at weddings-people get all pent up with all kinds of emotions, and then there's some musical moment where the action of the wedding stops and someone sings or plays the flute or something. And even if the music is lame, even if the quality isn't good, predictably 30 or 40 percent of the people who are going to cry at a wedding cry a couple of moments after the music starts. Why? The Greeks. Music allows us to move around those big invisible pieces of ourselves and rearrange our insides so that we can express what we feel even when we can't talk about it. Can you imagine watching Indiana Jones or Superman or Star Wars with the dialogue but no music? What is it about the music swelling up at just the right moment in ET so that all the softies in the audience start crying at exactly the same moment? I guarantee you if you showed the movie with the music stripped out, it wouldn't happen that way. The Greeks: Music is the understanding of the relationship between invisible internal objects. I'll give you one more example, the story of the most important concert of my life. I must tell you I have played a little less than a thousand concerts in my life so far. I have played in places that I thought were important. I like playing in Carnegie Hall; I enjoyed playing in Paris; it made me very happy to please the critics in St. Petersburg. I have played for people I thought were important; music critics of major newspapers, foreign heads of state. The most important concert of my entire life took place in a nursing home in Fargo, North Dakota, about 4 years ago. I was playing with a very dear friend of mine who is a violinist. We began, as we often do, with Aaron Copland's Sonata, which was written during World War II and dedicated to a young friend of Copland's, a young pilot who was shot down during the war. Now we often talk to our audiences about the pieces we are going to play rather than providing them with written program notes. But in this case, because we began the concert with this piece, we decided to talk about the piece later in the program and to just come out and play the music without explanation. Midway through the piece, an elderly man seated in a wheelchair near the front of the concert hall began to weep. This man, whom I later met, was clearly a soldier-even in his 70's, it was clear from his buzz-cut hair, square jaw and general demeanor that he had spent a good deal of his life in the military. I thought it a little bit odd that someone would be moved to tears by that particular movement of that particular piece, but it wasn't the first time I've heard crying in a concert and we went on with the concert and finished the piece. When we came out to play the next piece on the program, we decided to talk about both the first and second pieces, and we described the circumstances in which the Copland was written and mentioned its dedication to a downed pilot. The man in the front of the audience became so disturbed that he had to leave the auditorium. I honestly figured that we would not see him again, but he did come backstage afterwards, tears and all, to explain himself. What he told us was this: "During World War II, I was a pilot, and I was in an aerial combat situation where one of my team's planes was hit. I watched my friend bail out, and watched his parachute open, but the Japanese planes which had engaged us returned and machine gunned across the parachute chords so as to separate the parachute from the pilot, and I watched my friend drop away into the ocean, realizing that he was lost. I have not thought about this for many years, but during that first piece of music you played, this memory returned to me so vividly that it was as though I was reliving it. I didn't understand why this was happening, why now, but then when you came out to explain that this piece of music was written to commemorate a lost pilot, it was a little more than I could handle. How does the music do that? How did it find those feelings and those memories in me? Remember the Greeks: music is the study of invisible relationships between internal objects. This concert in Fargo was the most important work I have ever done. For me to play for this old soldier and help him connect, somehow, with Aaron Copland, and to connect their memories of their lost friends, to help him remember and mourn his friend, this is my work. This is why music matters. What follows is part of the talk I will give to this year's freshman class when I welcome them a few days from now. The responsibility I will charge your sons and daughters with is this: "If we were a medical school, and you were here as a med student practicing appendectomies, you'd take your work very seriously because you would imagine that some night at two AM someone is going to waltz into your emergency room and you're going to have to save their life. Well, my friends, someday at 8 PM someone is going to walk into your concert hall and bring you a mind that is confused, a heart that is overwhelmed, a soul that is weary. Whether they go out whole again will depend partly on how well you do your craft. You're not here to become an entertainer, and you don't have to sell yourself. The truth is you don't have anything to sell; being a musician isn't about dispensing a product, like selling used Chevies. I'm not an entertainer; I'm a lot closer to a paramedic, a firefighter, a rescue worker. You're here to become a sort of therapist for the human soul, a spiritual version of a chiropractor, physical therapist, someone who works with our insides to see if they get things to line up, to see if we can come into harmony with ourselves and be healthy and happy and well. Frankly, ladies and gentlemen, I expect you not only to master music; I expect you to save the planet. If there is a future wave of wellness on this planet, of harmony, of peace, of an end to war, of mutual understanding, of equality, of fairness, I don't expect it will come from a government, a military force or a corporation. I no longer even expect it to come from the religions of the world, which together seem to have brought us as much war as they have peace. If there is a future of peace for humankind, if there is to be an understanding of how these invisible, internal things should fit together, I expect it will come from the artists, because that's what we do. As in the concentration camp and the evening of 9/11, the artists are the ones who might be able to help us with our internal, invisible lives."

Want to be like water...

...head uphill no more...

The Boyle Phenomenon: a rant in two parts

Why was it somehow ok to laugh at her before she sang but not after she sang?

 

I’ve been reading again; always a dangerous activity for me. My brain can run in circles and I’ve heard more than once that I just “take it all too seriously”… mountains out of molehills, that’s me. While most seem to be wondering or ranting about banks, government, politics, etc., I wonder about where civility has gone. Is it really surprising that we are here, in these times & circumstances, when we no longer value things like honesty, respect for others, courage, taking responsibility, & personal integrity?

Yes, I loved the video(s) of Susan Boyle. Like many of you, I’ve searched for her on the ‘net, listened to the song a dozen times or more, looked up Elaine Paige, and tracked downs interviews with Susan, Piers, and Amanda…
(there are more than 11,000 links to videos of SB on YouTube as of this writing, midnight 4-22-09)

Here is an article I found referenced in the comments section at Time Goes By in a post called Celebrating Old Old Age. An excerpt from the article says,

“The YouTube clip of Susan's angel voice soaring from the unkissed mouth of that scrunchy-faced, eyebrow-enforested, unprepossessingly dumpy representative of anonymous humanity was the third irresistible message to us all to get over ourselves.”

I do so completely agree with the last 4 words.

Piers Morgan, a BGT judge said in the videos,

“…Without a doubt that is the biggest surprise I’ve experienced in the three years of this show. …I’m reeling with shock…everyone was laughing at you; no one is laughing now.”

Amanda Holden, another of the BGT judges, said, “…everybody was against you…”, and called it “the biggest wake-up call ever.”

And well it should be.

But is it, really, quite the wake-up call we need? I say no.

In every reference to Susan that I have found, the wake-up call seems to be about judging books by their covers. Ok. There’s nothing really wrong with that; it's a great lesson.
But the lesson I would rather see learned is the one about respect for a human being – any human being – and every human being.  

So I repeat: Why was it somehow ok to laugh at her before she sang but not after she sang?
Susan is herself and came to the competition AS herself, with a tremendous amount of courage, because she had a dream to ‘sing before a large crowd of people’.

What was the relevance of SCowell’s question about her age in a competition with no age requirements? And the eye-rolling & laughter that went on when she answered, “47”…
Given the wide acceptance of rude and offensive behavior in the world today, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, but can we really just laugh out loud in someone’s face?

Clearly so.

And then we apologize, and express that hearing her sing “was a privilege”. And all is well; we’ve learned our lesson; let’s get on with things; Susan will be a star and make records…blah, blah, blah.

And what of the woman who lives next door to Susan – or to me – who looks just like her; who does her own hair and sees no need to be or look different than she is; and whose talent is only creating a warm and comfortable home, or, as Susan did before we all discovered her, working for charities, or caring for aging parents?

We don’t applaud those talents very often. So do we just get to keep laughing?

The TGB article is related, though the focus is somewhat different. It comments, in part, on the evident shock that many feel when they learn that an old person can actually DO things, like cooking or driving or working, for heaven’s sake. As if they haven’t been doing that for some several decades already!

Here’s a short excerpt:

“The discomfort, I have come to see, is due to how such a statement diminishes the person. It negates and demeans an entire life, as though the fact that she works at age 100, and not the work she does, is the most important thing about her.”

(Do follow the link to the article, and read the comments, too. There is real meat there, and links to the story of a remarkable woman.)

How is it that we expect a different kind of behavior from our leaders today, in business, politics, government, etc. when we’ve all played our own parts in creating the culture we have? As long as the quantity of one’s possessions is more important than the quality of one’s own integrity, we will continue to live with the Madoff’s of this world. There ARE other voices out there besides the ones who rant & complain. They are just harder to find. One great one can be found here at No Safe Distance.

So when we see a Susan Boyle, and are pleasantly surprised by a rich & beautiful voice, we cry, and feel inspired…for a moment; and never think of the real life of that other woman who flips hamburgers or turns down the bed in our next hotel room, or is old.

And I’ll bet that our own American Idol would not be the raging success that it is if the audience couldn’t do their share of booing and laughing at ___. Why, even the first few episodes of each season are designed to show us the most ‘laughable’ of the contestants. I know two people who only watch those first episodes. It is of no interest to them who might win; they just want to laugh at someone. And if you think I might be exaggerating, go read the comment streams under some of those videos. But don’t read many of them; they are poisonous, symptomatic of our cultural & social ills and very contagious.

How to Dance in the Rain

A beautiful story that came to me by email...(thanks Marilyn!) I don't know the author, but given its broad distribution, I think it will be fine to post it here.

“It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80s arrived at the hospital to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am..
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.

He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.
As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him,
'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me,
but I still know who she is.'
I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,

'That is the kind of love I want in my life.

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
they just make the best of everything they have.  
 

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.”

further exploration into my egoic minefield...

I'm reading A New Earth and taking part in a study group. I joined for a couple of reasons that could be labeled as wrong, except that they got me there. Now, I'm working and thinking and exploring again.

Ego.

I've had bits and pieces of understanding about the ego, and in a small part, MY ego for a long time. I'm only just beginning to see some really fundamental issues with mine in new ways that will help me to continue growing.

One egoic role that Tolle mentions is that of 'adult'. I'd never thought of it - adulthood - as a role. But, I can see that it  certainly has become one for me. He says this, "When you play that role, you take yourself and life very seriously. Spontaneity, lightheartedness, and joy are not part of that role."

Well, hey. Guess who that is.

And as I think about my self and current circumstances in the light of this understanding, I can understand how I got so (temporarily) insane over the state of our personal economy. While the drop in income was certainly startling, the panic really arose from my ego over what  people would think about me if I feel behind in the bills, or had to shut off services. And never mind that history has proven I always have enough.

But, a key discovery I made just in the last couple of days is this:
In spite of years of exposure to tons of traditional and esoteric material about Spirit, I still hold held the fundamental concept of God as BIG, powerful, MALE, extremely judgmental, and primarily punishing. Suffering & sin was the accepted condition for me. I was supposed to go thru this life as a less-than, supposed to put myself last, supposed to work hard for an impossible goal and hope for a reward when I am dead.

And even though ALL of my reading & experience over a couple of decades has told me otherwise, there was that in me that held on to such a belief. What made it so powerful, I think, is that the fundamental picture remained unconscious; remained a part of my egoic role. I have avoided using the word God to describe whatever pulls me toward it, which makes sense now, when that word connotes all that makes made me afraid to be.

This seems to make sense also when I consider my HUGE resistance to all things related to self-care and spiritual Practice. And I do mean practice with a capital P. How can I take time to practice T'ai Chi when I have not yet answered emails or edited that article or finished that project for.. whomever. All of those things have been more important than I, who must be last. And never mind that Jesus said, "love your neighbor as yourself". Never mind that He told us we could all 'do' and be as he was.

I finally left church for the same reason I stopped attending a 12 step program. Both of them had me believe, and SAY OUT LOUD, that I am broken, and required that I label myself as something: codependent, a sinner, or a servant. Neither one allowed me to be, or even to consider that I MIGHT be, an expression of Spirit manifesting on this plane.

Now, at this moment, I don't care about The Truth. I think there may be one; Tolle says there is, and calls it love. Makes sense - it's a good truth. Jesus called it that, too.
What is important now is to discover MY truth.
Who am I when I'm not in my adult role, or my caretaking role, or my 'little professor' role?
I aim to find out.

Interesting discoveries. Interesting life. Wonder what's next.

You've Got a Friend...and, at last, so do I.

I've posted work by this sand artist before. Here's a new one (or new to me). Bet you enjoy this, too. Thanks, Shaula. :)

And this is the beginning of a shift in tone I hope you'll hear on this blog: a little more lightness, more humor, more fun. It's not in my nature to skip the important life lessons I experience, so they will still show up here in one form or another.
I'm just finally getting it that this life is, indeed, short. And I am finally tired of ruling my world, controlling your behavior or speech, and going (not so) quietly insane when the cosmos throws a curve.

Instead, I'm getting good at recognizing the curves, responding in the moment; and noticing if that particular curve is for the person over there...
Imagine that! Some of those balls are for the players in the infield.

Born yesterday? Yep. ...well, the day before...                         :)

Aging Well ~ the Quest

Somehow this morning (cosmically led, perhaps?), I came upon this old post of Ronni Bennett's from several years ago. Her post is about May-December romances. Mine is other...

I was struck by this excerpt:

"Carolyn Heilbrun, in her book, Writing a Woman’s Life, acknowledges the well-known invisibility that envelops most women at middle age, but she goes on in a manner I find encouraging:

“We will move invisibly for a time, to relearn seeing and to forget being seen. As we grow slowly visible, we will be heard more and seen less. Our voices will ramify, our bodies will become a house for our new spirit.”.

And there are younger men who find that spirit more attractive than mere youth.

I'm particularly struck by the phrase, "to relearn seeing and to forget being seen". I have spent so much of my life aware of, concerned about, and afraid of what others think of me that, at times, I've been almost paralyzed. (Wonderful to have moved from that place!)

"To relearn seeing"    
When I was living that fear, what was I seeing? What do I need to relearn? I think it is not so much a re-learning process as it is a new learning process. I thought I was seeing - looking at - but, I was really only seeing myself, and so concerned with 'what' people saw when they looked at me that I could give no thought at all for the 'who' they might have seen. And the 'who' - the real me - was invisible, largely because I was so outwardly focused.

As I'm aging, (thank you, god) the rest of that quote is becoming true. Again, Thank God.
I am becoming more visible - to myself - than I have ever been. I'm more clear on the 'who' that I am, more brave, and my body is becoming the "house for my spirit".

I had to look up ramified, and I find that that is true for me, too. I am more complex; and my spirit, my interests, indeed, my own voice are multifaceted and much more powerful.

"To forget being seen"
In some ways, this seemed easier for me for many years. What that ease turned out to be was, at first, just an amazing ability to avoid mirrors. It started with cameras and other people's photos of me. I just got tired of that coy, "oh, no, my hair looks terrible" type of BS and came to realize that I would never have to look at them; could forget that they existed. What a relief it was to say, 'Sure, go ahead". and just smile.  

Now, I can consider the thought that I am truly blind if I am too much concerned with 'being seen'. I don't really see other people, or the truth of a situation if I am concerned with how I look or what others think.

Now, I know that looking in is for my meditation or prayer. I can forget that anyone is looking. My years and my path have brought a perspective that we only gain by growing older. With a bit of open-mindedness I might even be(come) wise. As for being seen; the only opinion that really matters is my own. I'm concerned with how closely I stand by my values. When I remember these things, I am in great shape: happy, content, integrous.

"Heard more, seen less"
I can't say that I am seen less. What do I know of what another really sees? I do know that I care less. And this blog attests to the fact that I have stuff to say. Do you hear me?   :)
Guess what...even that matters less to me, and ultimately matters not at all.

It seems a bit curious to me.
As I age, I seem to look inward much more in some respects (usually related to self-knowledge), and to become more self-centered. I think it is in some relationship to my interest in dying well. I'll continue that exploration the rest of my life, I suppose. And I can see that I also see others much better, or with thinner blinders. Perspective again, I'm sure.

As Bette says, "From a distance..."

The In-Between State

Here's a timely reminder from a good friend (Thanks, Mike) and a favorite author, Pema Chodron.

" We are told about the pain of chasing after pleasure and the futility of running from pain. We hear also about the joy of awakening, of realizing our interconnectedness, of trusting the openness of our hearts and minds. But we aren’t told all that much about this state of being in-between, no longer able to get our old comfort from the outside but not yet dwelling in a continual sense of equanimity and warmth. Anxiety, heartbreak, and tenderness mark the in-between state. It’s the kind of place we usually want to avoid. The challenge is to stay in the middle rather than make us more rigid and afraid. Becoming intimate with the queasy feeling of being in the middle of nowhere only makes our hearts more tender. When we are brave enough to stay in the middle, compassion arises spontaneously. By not knowing, not only hoping to know, and not acting like we know what’s happening, we begin to access our inner strength. Yet it seems reasonable to want some kind of relief. If we can make the situation right or wrong, if we can pin it down in any way, then we are on familiar ground. But something has shaken up our habitual patterns and frequently they no longer work. Staying with volatile energy gradually becomes more comfortable than acting it out or repressing it. This open-ended tender place is called bodhichitta. Staying with it is what heals. It allows us to let go of our self-importance. It’s how the warrior learns to love.

from Chodron's book,

The Places That Scare You (Shambhala Publications)

As are so many, we've been struggling here just a bit (or sometimes a BIG bit) over the drop in income. Readjusting has not been fun or easy.

It is very educational on several levels. And Chodron's words here, really help. Big Breath. 

I already know I've good at the hard stuff, so I'll get this, too. Meanwhile, learning to 'be where I am' keeps me present in the moment and in my body and lets me see, feel, and adjust to these times and my place in it all.

Ring finger: why that one?

PBS's FrontLine: exploring "Living Old"

This link is a great jumping off place for articles, stories, videos and even a video stream of the complete show. The cut line of this home page says,

"A powerful and intimate journey into the uncharted territory of Americans living longer than ever -- and what it means for them, their loved ones and our society."

Worth some time, I think.

Food for Thought or Balancing on One Leg

I’m 61½ now, and I’ve been living the life of Riley for about 4 years.
Things are tougher now, as they may be for many of you, but we have the prospect of Social Security ahead to take up some slack. Joel’s income from that source really makes a difference to us now. I’m still planning to stick it out until I’m 66, but people keep trying to mess with my future.

I hope you will all read The Coming Attack on Social Security… a column by Ronni Bennett of Time Goes By.

She writes clearly, and with links to her sources, which many folks don’t bother with anymore. Follow those links a bit; learn some stuff.

So, should I tell you this? …point you to articles that may scare you, too? Well, no. To focus on the fear is to give it energy, make it bigger than it is. Doesn’t it?
Yes, I believe so.

Ronni makes it clear that SS is fine, for now. IF there is to be a real problem, it will affect our kids & grandkids.
So what am I worrying about?
Just my self, my comfort and ease.
The space between watching HD shows on TV and watching the grass grow.
The difference, in the occasional restaurant meal, between the ‘dollar menu’ and a nice Thai dinner.
The really scary one is the prospect of canceling the trip to Chicago this summer. We’ve been saving up for a year!

I’m at a point in my personal evolution where I am, frankly, stumped: caught between financial fear and its stresses, and the spiritual state of confidence that would, otherwise, allow me to rest in the knowledge that I will learn what I need to know, and be provided for as are the ‘birds of the air’. One day moment I rest in faith that all is as it should be; the next day moment my heart is pounding and I wonder how soon I must drop the cable service or (heaven forbid) the internet, or sell a car.

Maybe I just need to stop reading this stuff.
What happens to my sense of gratitude for all that I am and have?
What is the balance between awareness of current events and resting in the arms of god?

These are the thoughts I’m exploring these days; the fears I grapple with; the wisdom to which I aspire.

Feel like sharing what’s going on in your own head? I’m interested.

…just ‘had’ to…thanks for listening.

Social Credit - I can't wait to tell you...

I've started a post on this subject - about which I am newly passionate! I am awaiting permission to quote so that you can read what I've already written...

In the meantime, go read this overview of Social Credit.

Prayer in Old Age, attributed to a 17th Century nun

attributed to a 17th Century nun, and found in this post at TGB, by guest blogger, Chancy of Driftwood Inspiration:

"Lord, you know better than I know myself that I am getting older and will someday be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

“Release me from craving to straighten out everybody's affairs. Make me thoughtful but not moody, helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom it seems a pity not to use it all, but you know, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

“Keep my mind from the recital of endless details - give me the wings to come to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing, and my love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of others' pains, but help me to endure them with patience.

“I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessening cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others.

“Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken. Keep me reasonably sweet. I do not want to be a saint - some of them are so hard to live with - but a sour old woman is one of the crowning works of the devil.

“Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and the talents in unexpected people. And give me the grace to tell them so."

Some VERY good, well written articles...

...written by Marian Van Eyk McCain of Elderwoman Space. These were all nominated on a very interesting web site called Ooffoo. I hope you'll follow the links and read a few.  I hope you'll decide to vote for one, too. My personal favorite is Simple Blessings.

Note: I found a little bit of trouble with one or two of the articles loading from the links. If you experience that and still want to read them, just use the Ooffee search feature and hunt by title.

 

Digging for Victory - Again

 

The Yin and the Yang of it

 

Turning Green: The Rise of the ‘Cultural Creatives’

 

Micro-Yoga for the Busy Woman

 

Simple Blessings

 

Healing the Split

 

Here’s where you go to vote:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=qlFU4Im4elMRBk5DWu4gtw%3d%3d

Here is a link to Marian's list on Ooffoo. All of these are nominated except Slow Travel, but that one is worth the read, too. 

Thanks, Marian; good luck!

 

Read This... a suggestion, not an order... :)

There is a great conversation happening over at No Safe Distance on giving & connectedness.
Check it out and join in if you care to.

Also, my 'guest post' for Time Goes By is posted now. It's called "Hope & Fear" and is posted here:
http://www.timegoesby.net/weblog/2009/01/hope-and-fear.html  

"Grandma's Got it Going On"

posted sometime in 2000, this is Slam Poet Shane Koyczan's terrific performance of a funny and powerful piece. I trust you will enjoy it.

A Good Quote from Jung

"The afternoon of human life must also have a significance of its own

and cannot be merely a pitiful appendage to life's morning."

- Carl Gustav Jung

LIGHT BULB ............................. August 9, 2006

Wow! What an evening last night!

I got a call from a relative in that extended family I mentioned in yesterday's post followed immediately by the viewing of segment 7 in Bill Moyers' series called Faith & Reason. The juxtaposition just blows me away. Whoever or whatever may be the actual nature of that thing I sometimes call Cosmic Mind has a really cool sense of timing and an amazing sense of humor.

The relative is a faithful member of the same Christian religion in which I grew up. It's working beautifully for her and clearly satisfies her spiritual needs. The interviewee on the Moyers' show was Pema Chöndrön, a Buddhist nun. Her religion works for her, too.

I asked my relative how I was coming across in this blog. She has been reading it (don't know how long) but has never commented. She said that I came across as ...searching. The way she said it led me to jump to the conclusion that 'searching' was a bad thing. (MY stuff, not necessarily hers - I didn't check it out.)

Here's my REVELATION:  (Multi-faceted, no particular order)

Ø       It’s the search that is important, not the answer.

Ø       My thrashing about for answers is about (may be about) my own need for drama and wanting to be ‘made special’ by some kind of cosmic communication.

Ø       There really ARE (at least) Nine Billion Names of god. Which one I choose (or don’t choose) is probably irrelevant to you.

Ø       NO ONE actually KNOWS who/what/where god is until s/he experiences it after this lifetime is over. What that person believes about it is her/his own belief system about it.

Ø       A belief system may be inherited (by default or by thoughtful consideration), or it may be rationally chosen after careful research and/or experience.

Ø       I still have ‘knee-jerk’ reactions to some things that sound like fundamental Christianity.

Ø       What others believe about my experience is none of my business, but may make interesting conversation. (if we can avoid having expectations for each other)

Ø       True ‘fundamentalism’ seems symptomatic of a closed mind regardless of the form that fundamentalism takes: religion, politics, whatever.

Ø       I’m better served, spiritually, if I remain flexible and open to the possibility that I may be totally and completely wrong about ALL matters spiritual and by attaching nothing to that possibility.

Ø       We all, each of us, have the potential of embracing fundamentalism in one realm or another.

 

There will be more on this subject, of course. It seems enough for now that I can (at last) RELAX. My current spiritual task is to manifest the best, kindest, most peaceful spirit I can manage in any given moment, and to model that in my heart, my behavior, my speech; indeed, in ALL aspects of my life. Doing that will also require that I translate my former angst into actual spiritual practice. For me, that will be more meditation and further exploration. If I need further revelation it will be provided. Hallelujah, amen.