City driving has been a stressor up until now... I qualify that on purpose!
I'm not used to it. Blessedly, Phoenix is laid out in a grid and has THE most wonderful streets and freeways I've ever driven - not that I have all this great experience...but, I HAVE driven in Chicago, though. I'm just saying!
Oncoming headlights bother my vision, and tonight I stayed later at the hospital. And the last several nights have had errands attached to the drive. I have two favorite, and direct, off-freeway streets to Mayo and back home that meet all my physical needs. Tonight is the first one of about 3 that I just came straight home and knew there was something decent for supper and a cold beer in the frig, and not one single chore that HAD to be done.
And I can say home because I've made one in this little space. My sign is Cancer and I'm a perfect fit. I can build a nest anywhere with just a few necessities. Well, a lot more than Jim can travel with, but ...well, I'm still who I am at this moment. And she is a piece of work. I like ice.
My way home on this grid is only a few degrees off of 'into the setting sun'. Happily, my visor takes care of that. When it's too low for the car visor, I wear my red visor. Home is about a 25 minute drive. It's more fun when it's not rush hour. I've learned that there IS a speed that lets you hit all the lights on green, but it works best after 6:30, because earlier, everyone just wants to get wherever as quickly as possible.
I'm working my way downstream from a physically challenging day and the real realization that I make all my own trouble. I hope it's real, this time.
And that I really need to learn how to relax more of me than just parts of my physical body. I don't really like the word, hope, but that's another discussion. I know I'm fearful sometimes, but I'd rather say cautious, and that both of those don't serve me.
Tonight, one of my issues is that I still want to do it the 'right way' even when I know somehow that I have to choose MY way. What the fuck is that!?
And where, the FUCK, are my big girl panties?
And all this...angst.. is going on while I hear the all the voices I've listened to forever.
I've been a guru seeker. No, not you, L. (though there was a time it could have gone that way.)The oldest voices are Fundamentally Christian, but I have many others with varying volumes. And some of the voices say there is no Voice. I want there to be A Voice.
But I don't haven't listen/ed to mine.
I think this is a piece of the listening...
I also noticed that I prefer to yield.
I noticed because of traffic, but it's true everywhere for me. I think I can make that an asset, though I am not sure that it fully is right now.
And I know it's time to do something else. Good Night. If this still makes sense in the morning, maybe I"ll post it.
I'm certain that at least one of my readers will 'get me' and also happy that I have so few. :)
WTF; just publish... Sweet dreamszzz