Oh, my goodness! Two days in a row. A minor miracle. The major miracle was...
...a brief, bright, sparkling moment
I relaxed - crouching tiger
I'm no longer looking for a mystery. I'm looking for a memory
that I will recognize as familiar.
..and the reading was titled "Triumph".
Joel went to bed at 7:00 last night; her next meds were at 11:00. I made good use of my time with a few chores and some quiet time. Turned off the TV, played a little music.
And saved 45 minutes for 'putting my butt in a chair'. It turned out to be amazing. I'm too short on sleep to just count breaths, so I turned on the massage unit that fits my chair. I just used the vibration and the tone of the sound to blot out other noises and for focus. I was there a very short time.
But I found, thankfully, a sense of relaxation in the way that Jim means it in Tai Chi, I think. When I wrote those notes last night the words 'crouching tiger' did come to mind. But in the moment, what I felt was a kind of elasticity and balance, and a profound exhaling of more than my breath. I seemed to be able to take breaths of endless length. Just to contemplate that experience is relaxing also.
...and then there is today. Joel is turning a corner in this experience of hers. The passage began about 2:30 am and is continuing. She has needed quite a bit of physical help through this, but I've been able to accomplish several household things: filing mail and laundry, and animals and stuff. You know what I mean, in ways I'm only now discovering. I'm grateful for all I've learned from my buddhas. Thanks to L and J and E and N.
I'm very happy. tired, tis true; but Very Happy!