Days 26, 27, & 28 were all written today... just getting thru the postings to get to this one.
I soloed today on the meditation.
I started out looking at a few books, since I finished the reading of Zen and the Art of Archery. I set aside 3 or 4 for consideration as the next one, and to take with me to ABQ on Sunday. Wow, that's tomorrow!!
Today's reading in the 365 Tao, though, is what really started the day and the meditation. What follows is what I think of as the 'poem' part:
"Summer withered grass to flaxen yellow,
Scorched leaves to brittle paper,
Dried lakes to cracked clay.
Chill Autumn brought little relief--
Only frosted the debastation.
But with the early gentle rains,
The earth's fissures softened
And desiccated plants began to dissolve,
Slowly, balance comes once again."
The text continues with a reference to old people and our longer-range view and how that teaches us to notice that balance comes in cycles, in the course of Nature's progression.
This one seems extra important today. And I decided to forego the guided meditation today. I just sat. Well, I just sat after noticing the time. I, the Ego, wants to measure how well I do and uses time to count that.
So I just sat -- with my thoughts. Almost immediately tears came. I wandered into the past - looked at a friend from those days - another mother -
breathed -- sometimes I counted out the inhales & exhales --
and just sat -- with my thoughts and my emotions. And now
I feel better. And so my Ego knows I marked it, I sat there for almost a half hour. When I 'needed' to check the time, I knew that I was finished with meditation for this moment. ; )
I did only one cycle of the 5 Elements form after that. I have Tai Chi class soon, and I didn't want to leave this room. And I wanted to post this now - not later when I have lost some of the sense of it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~To catch up on the last three days, and explain why the posts look as they do...
Joel had to have one more test done before she could be cleared for surgery. A heart doc had to do an EKG and pass on her readiness for the knee work. Could it happen here? Anywhere closer than ABQ? Well, maybe, but not Wednesday and we had a doc appt here with Dr. Martinez. She had to clear Joel, too.
So, to ABQ we go, again. an up and back. Yea for K & M who kept the dogs...even took them Tuesday night after Karaoke so we slept better and got on the road by 7:00. We arrived over an hour early for our 11:15 appointment, but found that was a VERY good thing. We were done with that and out of there before 11:30. Yippee! I'll make it home in time for Tai Chi class.
We did make it home in time. We picked up the dogs and were back in the house before 4:30. Did I go to class? No. My best excuse is the dogs; they DO miss us/me; I just didn't want to leave the house again. For me, too. No more car... I know that was the old habit energy working; more than a bit lazy...
We got a call from the PA in ABQ. It seems that Joel has a staph infection they want to treat with a nasal ointment, and a kidney infection that they prescribed another antibiotic for - one she'd never taken - a generic Bactrim. Guess what!
Joel is allergic to Bactrim. Oh, my Goodness!! She got so SO sick. She started feeling bad about 1:00 am and woke me just before 3:00. It was NOT good. Lots of pain in too many places, shortness of breath, extreme weakness...weird and scary. She didn't want to get up, and then she thought maybe I could drive her to the ER, then NO... then...
BS, I'm now thinking. I called the EMTs; let them know they didn't have to come with sirens blazing, but do please come now...
Fire/Rescue got here first, put her on some oxygen, and started asking questions. Shortly after that, the EMT's arrived, asked more questions; discussed with us the new antibiotics. It was their opinion that the drugs were just 'working' and that she would just have to ride out they symptoms; and that they would lessen as the infection was battled... and we had a doc appointment for that afternoon, anyway, right?
So, Joel suffered for many more hours while I watched. It was not pleasant. She was not very coherent, IMO, but was able to doze a little. When she did, I tried to.
Meanwhile, I made phone calls to ABQ to tell them what was happening, and to our local doc's nurse to see if there was something else to be done. There wasn't really, so we just waited out the time.
Dr. Martinez decided that it was all really allergic reaction to the Bactrim. They gave Joel a steroid shot to help with the symptoms and told us to call Friday morning (yesterday) to report in. The next step TBD from that call.
So Thursday was a day of limbo of sorts. I worked on my lists and my piles. (I ask you, what else should an OCD person be doing when she can't really do anything else?!!)
And I continued my search for a form for a new Advanced Health Directive. I'd forgotten how long ago we did ours. Just a limbo day. Chores; Chorkies; and mind Chatter.
Did it occur to me to meditate? No.
Did it occur to me to do the form? No.
BUT/AND by end of day Friday, Joel is completely over the drug reactions. Dr. M has prescribed an antibiotic Joel has taken and tolerated well. Doc also told us that it was NOT a kidney infection, but only a urinary tract infection, and that she could still clear Joel for the knee surgery. The PA in ABQ agrees. Whew! Got that paperwork. What a relief.
My biggest fear in these few days is that one of these infections or the reaction to the (wrong) drug would prevent us from keeping this surgery date. And I have made a promise to Jim about Thanksgiving and keeping his dog, and... Just everything about scheduling. When? how? oh, no!?!!
So this morning, in my real meditation, I let a LOT of that tension go. A lot.
It's a great morning.
(Ego is saying, 'if I don't mess up again, I can still get my 100 days out of this 102...)
I've gotta laugh; it is funny, right?
Yeah, it really IS funny. And I'm not that same girl as in the past. I brought her with me, and she holds a lot of good stuff for me. I pulled her in from the 'feminine side'. I'm keeping all the best parts and letting go of the rest.
And now, I can hear my Family. They are up, and they left me alone. Oh happy day. :)