Today is Day 9.
I didn't post anything, as you can see, for two days. Posting is not a part of the commitment. And the whole thing was feeling canned, fake, other-directed...or something still undefined, maybe.
On day 7 I might have done some form...don't really remember. I do know that I did not sit my butt down on anything for the sake of quiet meditation. That has been a HUGE frustration for me. Well, maybe not so Huge, as just 'normal' and therefore, disappointing. Not the performance I intended.
Don't know why I didn't think of it sooner, but, on Saturday it finally dawned on me that I could take a little help. Now, I've done so in the form of a meditation CD that I got a couple of years ago. There are a few minutes of spoken affirmation-type sentences, underscored by some very nice music composed to help one slow her breath to about 6 beats a minute. And most of each 15 minute segment is just that music, which give me an easy way to focus on breath and get (back) out of my head more quickly.
It was easy to sit with that for now. I'll let the deeper meditation, like those my Sifu describes, come as they will with the practice of my Practice.
Yesterday, Day 8, was also the start-up for this Fall's Tai Chi classes. I used that as my form practice for Saturday. And enjoyed about 30 minutes with the taped material.
Today - Day 9 was also very good. The TC practice went very well. The meditation portion I did with the CD again, and was able to do that while the household was still asleep. That's best for me, but I don't always wake up in time these days with sunrise coming later each day.
I'm sure that, in time, this will all come more easily and will fall into its own kind of schedule.
Interestingly, the reading (from 365 Tao) at the start of the tc class yesterday was on Commitment. And it seems impossible to talk about commitment without talking about discipline: self-discipline. Had to smile at that.
I just LOVE how things are working out for me.
And, just in case Laura checks in here... she wrote in a post of her own yesterday, "And it is amazing how much better things get when I surrender to
reality. Honestly, the way the stress falls away when you accept what is
actually before you is profound."
I've found that true, too, recently. I've been really resisting these canine children of mine. I'm not a good dog owner, yet. I am inconsistent, over-protective, indulgent, and compulsive, maybe even a tad OCD over them. And I've been wanting all of my emotional turbulence about them to be someone else's fault. Mostly Joel's, I'm afraid.
Over Friday and Saturday, I came to decide - that being the operative word - to accept the dogs as facts in my life that I do not really want to change, now. The time for doing so is LONG past. They are mine; I am alpha (however poorly I may play that roll right now). So, no more unnecessary drama about all that.
It will be interesting to see how we all grow up together. ; )