Input from an "anomymous faerie" :)

This first came to me by email. I think it is a really interesting subject. When I went searching I found MANY links, a couple are posted at the end of this...
There is also a huge (and different) discussion to the community of writers and the "correct" way to use words related to people and to gender and to sex. Maybe you'll find it interesting, too. Happy searching.
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As far as "sex" and "gender" go, I tend to see at least SEVEN different
domains, some of which overlap with each other or inform or help define each other. These domains I call:

1. Biological Sex.
2. Gender Assigment.
3. Gender Identity.
4. Gender Presentation.
5. Gender Preference.
6. Sexual Preference.
7. Sexual Identity.

1. BIOLOGICAL SEX is usually determined by genitals and/or genes. The relevant terms here are MALE, FEMALE, INTERSEX.

2. GENDER ASSIGNMENT is whether one identifies with the gender role which corresponds to the sex assigned at birth. relevant terms here are TRANSGENDER, CISGENDER (A cisgendered person is one who identifies with the corresponding gender with the sex one is assigned at birth; in other words, anyone who is not trans).

3. GENDER IDENTITY is usually deduced by others on the basis of cues from primary and secondary sex characteristics AND Gender Presentation: appearance, vocal inflections, body language, etc. Relevant terms here are MAN, WOMAN, GENDERQUEER, THIRD GENDER, IN-BETWEEN.

4. GENDER PRESENTATION is how one embodies the degrees of various characteristics which are stereotypically associated with gendered archetypes, regardless of their gender identity. Gender Presentation includes four categories: "Feminine," "Masculine," "Androgynous," and "Neuter" as determined by subjective evaluations along two different continua.

Instead of viewing Masculinity and Femininity as opposite ends of one spectrum,

I regard them as two separate spectra: 

     Placing high on the masculinity continuum and low in femininity = "Masculine"

     Placing low on the masculinity continuum and high in femininity = "Feminine"

     Placing high on the masculinity continuum and high in femininity = "Androgynous"

     Placing low on the masculinity continuum and low in femininity = "Neuter"

For example, most infants in diapers appear "Neuter" which is why some people dress them in 'gender appropriate' clothing so that others can deduce their gender identities. Another example: being 'masculine' alone does not make one a 'man.'  Being perceived by others as a 'man' means being able to pass for what society considers to be within the normal range of acceptable characteristics for 'men.' One can be perceived as a 'man' and also as 'feminine' or 'androgynous.' A big, muscular male in a dress, makeup and wig is usually going to be perceived as a 'man in drag' not as a 'woman.' For some people, their gender presentation is FIXED or stable. For others, it is FLUID or mutable.

5. GENDER PREFERENCE involves the degrees of attraction to stereotypical gender characteristics in other people. Gender Preference is rated the same way that Gender Presentation is with the four categories and the two separate continua for 'Masculinity' and 'Femininity'.

 

For example, when a M4M personal ad reads that a guy is seeking a 'straight-acting'

man what he means is that he is looking  for a male who scores high on the masculinity

continuum and low in femininity. As with Gender Presentation, some people are more

FIXED in what they find attractive and some people are more FLUID. Also, for some

people, Gender Preference depends on the Gender Identity of the person they are attracted to.

For example, someone may be attracted to masculinity in men, but not in women. A bisexual person might be attracted to the same qualities in both sexes or different qualities in different sexes.

For some people, it depends on the individual they are attracted to.

6. SEXUAL PREFERENCE is marked by the Kinsey Scale which defines attraction
to others on the basis of one's genitals and the genitals of the person that one is attracted to. Relevant terms are HETEROSEXUAL, BISEXUAL, HOMOSEXUAL.
As with Gender Preference, for some people Sexual Preference changes over the course of their lifetime (FLUID) and/or can be relatively stable and unchanging (FIXED).

7. SEXUAL IDENTITY is one's public persona. This may or may not correspond
with one's Sexual Preference depending on how out/closeted a person is.
Relevant terms: GAY, STRAIGHT, BISEXUAL, QUEER, QUESTIONING

Most people usually identify themselves primarily with their Gender Identity and Sexual Identity.

Some of the categories have "defaults", in other words, it's commonly assumed that most people are heterosexual and cisgendered unless there are cues that indicate differently.

To rate myself along these Seven Domains, I would say that I am:

1. Biological Sex: FEMALE
2. Gender Assignment: CISGENDER
3. Gender Identity: WOMAN
4. Gender Presentation: FEMININE (but don't expect to see me in make-up)
5. Gender Preference FLUID FEMININE (I'm attracted to FEMININITY,  but I want her to speak "car").
6. Sexual Preference: KINSEY 6X
7. Sexual Identity: Lesbian/Gay

Good info here.
Here is an interesting discussion on the topic. And this; a great paragraph on the meaning of definition.

Thanks, anonymous faerie!

And here is an opinion of mine - nobody else...

I believe that what matters in this world, and especially in these times, is that we love one another. Period.
If one must get all bent out of shape over 'who' someone else loves, then it's time to understand just what is "your business" and what isn't.