lots of stuff going on these days.
I'm back to take a look at where I am, where I've been, what's up, and what I believe....
As you can see, the look has changed here. That's a little minor change.
My work at HMHC was 'supposed' to change - get lighter - require less time - move from computer manipulation and notification and into something closer to my heart...oh, well...
My replacement may turn out to be a helper, but she's not a replacement. And while there IS a small piece of me that appreciates the idea of being irreplaceable, it surely gets in the way of my current goals.
The pressure of this work is some of the stuff that sent me off into a stress overload that necessitated an intervention that manifested itself in several ways, including a brief use of anti-anxiety drugs and a few sessions with a cognitive therapist. Thankfully, all that work is, indeed, working.
I'm much better at seeing what's happening early on. I'm WAY much better at looking at and setting my boundaries around the time I spend. And I have been lavishly praised for the stuff I do. That always helps, don't you know. :)
I'm pulled toward solitude.
I can't seem to find it.
My next step is with a group forming now (beginning the work in January) called ITP, or Integral Transformative Practice. We will follow the work of George Leonard and Michael Murphy as discussed in the books, The Life We Are Given and Mastery. These men are strongly connected to Esalen Institute where this process was created and tested. People have been following this work for almost 15 years now with great success.
I've got to tell you, it is VERY scary to me. Even though it seems to me to be the ONE thing that might actually move me to do/be all that I want, the level of commitment is huge. We've had about 4 meetings to introduce the group and let folks know just what will be expected. And I find that it is likely to hit precisely every one of my remaining 'buttons': daily practice, trust, money, and the bigee...can I/will I DO it. Additionally, this group has as a major goal the development of 'community' within the group. We are to bond, work together, and perhaps even give back in some way to our larger community as a group. Solitude? ...not here...?
So, in the meantime, and since I have nothing else to do... (lol)
I've unpacked EVERY box that got sent to San Antonio (for the move that didn't happen), and everything we had stored in the tops of closets or under the stairs. Every item had to find a real home: the right place in the house, or one of my two favorite thrift stores, or to the designated shelves for the soon-to-be-launched EBay store, or to the trash/recycle/etc.
I filled 5 bookcases with books and selected trinkets. I've sorted thru a million items. We still have a couple of collections to deal with. Joel has turtles; I have bells, and before I can unbox them they HAVE to have a place to live. They are in a corner awaiting the 'right' display unit. They must go into something that fits them, looks great, and is easy to dust (or the bells, at least, will be gone).
I am adamant about it!
There will be NOTHING 'stored' in my house except the Christmas stuff, and that, too, is undergoing a major reduction in quantity. We'll probably only keep the ornaments and some of the lights and garlands for outside. We don't really DO Christmas, anyway.
All this get-rid-of-it frenzy is making it possible to reorganize the studio and all our craft and home maintenance stuff, and create a workout area there. Can't wait to get this project DONE!!!!
Should be done...
...what am I holding onto at HMHC that keeps the 'real' replacement from showing up????!!!!
I'd love to stay and chat, but
HMHC calls... aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!
(Barbara, don't take it personally! It's not about you. And you know I love you!)