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    May 21, 2009

    Music & Art: luxury or necessity?

    My friend Erin sent this to me. It is worthy of reading and remembering; hence its posting here.
    Thanks Erin.

    Written/delivered by Dr. Karl Paulnack, director of the Music Division of The Boston Conservatory.


    "One of my parents' deepest fears, I suspect, is that society would not properly value me as a musician, that I wouldn't be appreciated. I had very good grades in high school, I was good in science and math, and they imagined that as a doctor or a research chemist or an engineer, I might be more appreciated than I would be as a musician. I still remember my mother's remark when I announced my decision to apply to music school-she said, "You're WASTING your SAT scores." On some level, I think, my parents were not sure themselves what the value of music was, what its purpose was. And they LOVED music, they listened to classical music all the time. They just weren't really clear about its function. So let me talk about that a little bit, because we live in a society that puts music in the "arts and entertainment" section of the newspaper, and serious music, the kind your kids are about to engage in, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with entertainment, in fact it's the opposite of entertainment. Let me talk a little bit about music, and how it works. The first people to understand how music really works were the ancient Greeks. And this is going to fascinate you; the Greeks said that music and astronomy were two sides of the same coin. Astronomy was seen as the study of relationships between observable, permanent, external objects, and music was seen as the study of relationships between invisible, internal, hidden objects. Music has a way of finding the big, invisible moving pieces inside our hearts and souls and helping us figure out the position of things inside us. Let me give you some examples of how this works. One of the most profound musical compositions of all time is the Quartet for the End of Time written by French composer Olivier Messiaen in 1940. Messiaen was 31 years old when France entered the war against Nazi Germany. He was captured by the Germans in June of 1940, sent across Germany in a cattle car and imprisoned in a concentration camp. He was fortunate to find a sympathetic prison guard who gave him paper and a place to compose. There were three other musicians in the camp, a cellist, a violinist, and a clarinetist, and Messiaen wrote his quartet with these specific players in mind. It was performed in January 1941 for four thousand prisoners and guards in the prison camp. Today it is one of the most famous masterworks in the repertoire. Given what we have since learned about life in the concentration camps, why would anyone in his right mind waste time and energy writing or playing music? There was barely enough energy on a good day to find food and water, to avoid a beating, to stay warm, to escape torture-why would anyone bother with music? And yet-from the camps, we have poetry, we have music, we have visual art; it wasn't just this one fanatic Messiaen; many, many people created art. Why? Well, in a place where people are only focused on survival, on the bare necessities, the obvious conclusion is that art must be, somehow, essential for life. The camps were without money, without hope, without commerce, without recreation, without basic respect, but they were not without art. Art is part of survival; art is part of the human spirit, an unquenchable expression of who we are. Art is one of the ways in which we say, "I am alive, and my life has meaning." On September 12, 2001, I was a resident of Manhattan. That morning I reached a new understanding of my art and its relationship to the world. I sat down at the piano that morning at 10 AM to practice as was my daily routine; I did it by force of habit, without thinking about it. I lifted the cover on the keyboard, and opened my music, and put my hands on the keys and took my hands off the keys. And I sat there and thought, does this even matter? Isn't this completely irrelevant? Playing the piano right now, given what happened in this city yesterday, seems silly, absurd, irreverent, pointless. Why am I here? What place has a musician in this moment in time? Who needs a piano player right now? I was completely lost. And then I, along with the rest of New York, went through the journey of getting through that week. I did not play the piano that day, and in fact I contemplated briefly whether I would ever want to play the piano again. And then I observed how we got through the day. At least in my neighborhood, we didn't shoot hoops or play Scrabble. We didn't play cards to pass the time, we didn't watch TV, we didn't shop, we most certainly did not go to the mall. The first organized activity that I saw in New York, that same day, was singing. People sang. People sang around fire houses, people sang "We Shall Overcome". Lots of people sang America the Beautiful. The first organized public event that I remember was the Brahms Requiem, later that week, at Lincoln Center, with the New York Philharmonic. The first organized public expression of grief, our first communal response to that historic event, was a concert. That was the beginning of a sense that life might go on. The US Military secured the airspace, but recovery was led by the arts, and by music in particular, that very night. From these two experiences, I have come to understand that music is not part of "arts and entertainment" as the newspaper section would have us believe. It's not a luxury, a lavish thing that we fund from leftovers of our budgets, not a plaything or an amusement or a pass time. Music is a basic need of human survival. Music is one of the ways we make sense of our lives, one of the ways in which we express feelings when we have no words, a way for us to understand things with our hearts when we can't with our minds. Some of you may know Samuel Barber's heart wrenchingly beautiful piece, "Adagio for Strings". If you don't know it by that name, then some of you may know it as the background music which accompanied the Oliver Stone movie Platoon, a film about the Vietnam War. If you know that piece of music either way, you know it has the ability to crack your heart open like a walnut; it can make you cry over sadness you didn't know you had. Music can slip beneath our conscious reality to get at what's really going on inside us the way a good therapist does. I bet that you have never been to a wedding where there was absolutely no music. There might have been only a little music, there might have been some really bad music, but I bet you there was some music. And something very predictable happens at weddings-people get all pent up with all kinds of emotions, and then there's some musical moment where the action of the wedding stops and someone sings or plays the flute or something. And even if the music is lame, even if the quality isn't good, predictably 30 or 40 percent of the people who are going to cry at a wedding cry a couple of moments after the music starts. Why? The Greeks. Music allows us to move around those big invisible pieces of ourselves and rearrange our insides so that we can express what we feel even when we can't talk about it. Can you imagine watching Indiana Jones or Superman or Star Wars with the dialogue but no music? What is it about the music swelling up at just the right moment in ET so that all the softies in the audience start crying at exactly the same moment? I guarantee you if you showed the movie with the music stripped out, it wouldn't happen that way. The Greeks: Music is the understanding of the relationship between invisible internal objects. I'll give you one more example, the story of the most important concert of my life. I must tell you I have played a little less than a thousand concerts in my life so far. I have played in places that I thought were important. I like playing in Carnegie Hall; I enjoyed playing in Paris; it made me very happy to please the critics in St. Petersburg. I have played for people I thought were important; music critics of major newspapers, foreign heads of state. The most important concert of my entire life took place in a nursing home in Fargo, North Dakota, about 4 years ago. I was playing with a very dear friend of mine who is a violinist. We began, as we often do, with Aaron Copland's Sonata, which was written during World War II and dedicated to a young friend of Copland's, a young pilot who was shot down during the war. Now we often talk to our audiences about the pieces we are going to play rather than providing them with written program notes. But in this case, because we began the concert with this piece, we decided to talk about the piece later in the program and to just come out and play the music without explanation. Midway through the piece, an elderly man seated in a wheelchair near the front of the concert hall began to weep. This man, whom I later met, was clearly a soldier-even in his 70's, it was clear from his buzz-cut hair, square jaw and general demeanor that he had spent a good deal of his life in the military. I thought it a little bit odd that someone would be moved to tears by that particular movement of that particular piece, but it wasn't the first time I've heard crying in a concert and we went on with the concert and finished the piece. When we came out to play the next piece on the program, we decided to talk about both the first and second pieces, and we described the circumstances in which the Copland was written and mentioned its dedication to a downed pilot. The man in the front of the audience became so disturbed that he had to leave the auditorium. I honestly figured that we would not see him again, but he did come backstage afterwards, tears and all, to explain himself. What he told us was this: "During World War II, I was a pilot, and I was in an aerial combat situation where one of my team's planes was hit. I watched my friend bail out, and watched his parachute open, but the Japanese planes which had engaged us returned and machine gunned across the parachute chords so as to separate the parachute from the pilot, and I watched my friend drop away into the ocean, realizing that he was lost. I have not thought about this for many years, but during that first piece of music you played, this memory returned to me so vividly that it was as though I was reliving it. I didn't understand why this was happening, why now, but then when you came out to explain that this piece of music was written to commemorate a lost pilot, it was a little more than I could handle. How does the music do that? How did it find those feelings and those memories in me? Remember the Greeks: music is the study of invisible relationships between internal objects. This concert in Fargo was the most important work I have ever done. For me to play for this old soldier and help him connect, somehow, with Aaron Copland, and to connect their memories of their lost friends, to help him remember and mourn his friend, this is my work. This is why music matters. What follows is part of the talk I will give to this year's freshman class when I welcome them a few days from now. The responsibility I will charge your sons and daughters with is this: "If we were a medical school, and you were here as a med student practicing appendectomies, you'd take your work very seriously because you would imagine that some night at two AM someone is going to waltz into your emergency room and you're going to have to save their life. Well, my friends, someday at 8 PM someone is going to walk into your concert hall and bring you a mind that is confused, a heart that is overwhelmed, a soul that is weary. Whether they go out whole again will depend partly on how well you do your craft. You're not here to become an entertainer, and you don't have to sell yourself. The truth is you don't have anything to sell; being a musician isn't about dispensing a product, like selling used Chevies. I'm not an entertainer; I'm a lot closer to a paramedic, a firefighter, a rescue worker. You're here to become a sort of therapist for the human soul, a spiritual version of a chiropractor, physical therapist, someone who works with our insides to see if they get things to line up, to see if we can come into harmony with ourselves and be healthy and happy and well. Frankly, ladies and gentlemen, I expect you not only to master music; I expect you to save the planet. If there is a future wave of wellness on this planet, of harmony, of peace, of an end to war, of mutual understanding, of equality, of fairness, I don't expect it will come from a government, a military force or a corporation. I no longer even expect it to come from the religions of the world, which together seem to have brought us as much war as they have peace. If there is a future of peace for humankind, if there is to be an understanding of how these invisible, internal things should fit together, I expect it will come from the artists, because that's what we do. As in the concentration camp and the evening of 9/11, the artists are the ones who might be able to help us with our internal, invisible lives."

    Hysterical one-liners from the OLD Hollywood Squares

    THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER ... Hollywood Squares: These great
    questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game
    show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter
    Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

    Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
    A. Paul Lynde  (About fifteen minutes later): Loneliness! And the audience laughed  for another 10 to 15 minutes.

    Q. Do female frogs croak?
    A. Paul Lynde:  If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

    Q. If you're  going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
    A.  Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

    Q. True or  False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
    A. George Gobel: Boy, it  sure seems that way sometimes.

    Q. You've been having trouble going to  sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
    A. Don Knotts: That's what's  been keeping me awake.

    Q. According to Cosmopolitan  , if you meet a  stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to  come out and ask him if he's married?
    A.. Rose Marie: No wait until  morning.

    Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get  older?
    A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..

    Q. In Hawaiian, does it  take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
    A. Vincent Price: No,  you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..

    Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I  Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
    A. George Gobel: I don't know, but  it's coming from the next apartment.

    Q. As you grow older, do you tend  to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
    A. Rose Marie:  You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a  gesture you'll never forget.

    Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels  wear leather?
    A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

    Q. > Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
    A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

    Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
    A. > Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

    Q. It is considered in bad taste to  discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the  other?
    A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

    Q. During a tornado, are you safer  in the bedroom or in the closet?
    A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter,  I'm always safe in the bedroom

    Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
    A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

    Q. When you pat a dog on its  head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
    A. Paul Lynde: Make  him bark?

    Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give  birth to?
    A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of  the dark.

    Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with  getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
    A. Charley Weaver:  It got me out of the army.

    Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
    A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

    Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
    A. George Gobel:  Get it in his mouth.

    Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
    A.. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my  elephant?

    Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
    A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

    Q.  Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
    A.  Charley Weaver: His feet.

    Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
    A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

     

    Q. What did Roy Rogers do when Trigger died?

    A. Paul Lynde: Dismount




    May 18, 2009

    Skyscapes and Weather Balloons

    I'm still in the midst of a 3 1/2 week pet-sitting job in a place with a wonderful view of 'the mountain'. That's Sierra Blanca for those who want to know.

    I was out on the deck late yesterday afternoon when I saw a really bright ..something..in the sky.  My camera only did a so-so job on it, but you'll be able to see the lines and the 'package' hanging  below. Check 'em out. Click on these to enlarge, especially the first one. In the bigger version, you can see the balloon in relation to the mountain.

    IMG_0484

     






            IMG_0488




    I wish you could have seen the view thru the binoculars. The envelope was clear and radiating iridescent sunlight. Just so very beautiful.








    And here are a couple of little treasures:
    god made 'em; I just clicked the shutter.  :)

    IMG_0378   IMG_0468

    The Ross Sisters

    Wow! that's all I can say...


    April 23, 2009

    Just one more for today ~ another feel-good post

    Today is the 15th anniversary of my wedding to Joel. Hooray for us. Here's "our song"...

    I love you, baby girl.
    Thanks for hanging in there and being such a great teacher.
    What a trip we're on...   :)

    Want to be like water...

    ...head uphill no more...

    I didn't know Judi Dench could crack me up one minute and make me cry the next.

    and then there is this clip from A Little Night Music: There is a short set-up that will give extra weight to the song...

    You know, it is one thing to carry strong emotion thru a play. It is another, and much more dificult thing, to get to that emotion in just a few minutes and from an interview.
    Dame Judi Dench: a true master of her craft.  There are other videos  if you care to search.

    The Boyle Phenomenon: a rant in two parts

    Why was it somehow ok to laugh at her before she sang but not after she sang?

     

    I’ve been reading again; always a dangerous activity for me. My brain can run in circles and I’ve heard more than once that I just “take it all too seriously”… mountains out of molehills, that’s me. While most seem to be wondering or ranting about banks, government, politics, etc., I wonder about where civility has gone. Is it really surprising that we are here, in these times & circumstances, when we no longer value things like honesty, respect for others, courage, taking responsibility, & personal integrity?

    Yes, I loved the video(s) of Susan Boyle. Like many of you, I’ve searched for her on the ‘net, listened to the song a dozen times or more, looked up Elaine Paige, and tracked downs interviews with Susan, Piers, and Amanda…
    (there are more than 11,000 links to videos of SB on YouTube as of this writing, midnight 4-22-09)

    Here is an article I found referenced in the comments section at Time Goes By in a post called Celebrating Old Old Age. An excerpt from the article says,


    “The YouTube clip of Susan's angel voice soaring from the unkissed mouth of that scrunchy-faced, eyebrow-enforested, unprepossessingly dumpy representative of anonymous humanity was the third irresistible message to us all to get over ourselves.”

    I do so completely agree with the last 4 words.


    Piers Morgan, a BGT judge said in the videos,

    “…Without a doubt that is the biggest surprise I’ve experienced in the three years of this show. …I’m reeling with shock…everyone was laughing at you; no one is laughing now.”

    Amanda Holden, another of the BGT judges, said, “…everybody was against you…”, and called it “the biggest wake-up call ever.”

    And well it should be.

    But is it, really, quite the wake-up call we need? I say no.

    In every reference to Susan that I have found, the wake-up call seems to be about judging books by their covers. Ok. There’s nothing really wrong with that; it's a great lesson.
    But the lesson I would rather see learned is the one about respect for a human being – any human being – and every human being.  

    So I repeat: Why was it somehow ok to laugh at her before she sang but not after she sang?
    Susan is herself and came to the competition AS herself, with a tremendous amount of courage, because she had a dream to ‘sing before a large crowd of people’.

    What was the relevance of SCowell’s question about her age in a competition with no age requirements? And the eye-rolling & laughter that went on when she answered, “47”…
    Given the wide acceptance of rude and offensive behavior in the world today, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, but can we really just laugh out loud in someone’s face?

    Clearly so.

    And then we apologize, and express that hearing her sing “was a privilege”. And all is well; we’ve learned our lesson; let’s get on with things; Susan will be a star and make records…blah, blah, blah.

    And what of the woman who lives next door to Susan – or to me – who looks just like her; who does her own hair and sees no need to be or look different than she is; and whose talent is only creating a warm and comfortable home, or, as Susan did before we all discovered her, working for charities, or caring for aging parents?

    We don’t applaud those talents very often. So do we just get to keep laughing?

    The TGB article is related, though the focus is somewhat different. It comments, in part, on the evident shock that many feel when they learn that an old person can actually DO things, like cooking or driving or working, for heaven’s sake. As if they haven’t been doing that for some several decades already!

    Here’s a short excerpt:


    “The discomfort, I have come to see, is due to how such a statement diminishes the person. It negates and demeans an entire life, as though the fact that she works at age 100, and not the work she does, is the most important thing about her.”

    (Do follow the link to the article, and read the comments, too. There is real meat there, and links to the story of a remarkable woman.)


    How is it that we expect a different kind of behavior from our leaders today, in business, politics, government, etc. when we’ve all played our own parts in creating the culture we have?
    As long as the quantity of one’s possessions is more important than the quality of one’s own integrity, we will continue to live with the Madoff’s of this world. There ARE other voices out there besides the ones who rant & complain. They are just harder to find. One great one can be found here at No Safe Distance.

    So when we see a Susan Boyle, and are pleasantly surprised by a rich & beautiful voice, we cry, and feel inspired…for a moment; and never think of the real life of that other woman who flips hamburgers or turns down the bed in our next hotel room, or is old.

    And I’ll bet that our own American Idol would not be the raging success that it is if the audience couldn’t do their share of booing and laughing at ___. Why, even the first few episodes of each season are designed to show us the most ‘laughable’ of the contestants. I know two people who only watch those first episodes. It is of no interest to them who might win; they just want to laugh at someone. And if you think I might be exaggerating, go read the comment streams under some of those videos. But don’t read many of them; they are poisonous, symptomatic of our cultural & social ills and very contagious.

    Pet & House Sitting is verrrry interesting

    This is my first one. Just a one-nighter. I've got one coming up in May that is 3 1/2 weeks long! Yikes!

    So here's the deal: One must figure out the stuff one needs to bring along. The pets are no problem; the house is no problem. Here's the problem:

    April 22, 2009

    How to Dance in the Rain

    A beautiful story that came to me by email...(thanks Marilyn!) I don't know the author, but given its broad distribution, I think it will be fine to post it here.

    It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80s arrived at the hospital to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am..
    I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

    While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's
    appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.

    He told me that
    she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.
    As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

    He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.
    I was surprised, and asked him,
    'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'


    He smiled as he patted my hand and said,
    'She doesn't know me,
    but I still know who she is.'

    I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought,

    'That is the kind of love I want in my life.

    True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

    True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

    The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
    they just make the best of everything they have.
     
     

    Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.”

    April 16, 2009

    Wonderful Voice and a lesson or three

    I would love to embed the video here, but that feature has been disabled. Here is the link to one of the Susan Boyle videos - we've seen her several times already!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk 

    Watch Simon's eye-rolling when he asks Susan her age. The cameras catch  audience members doing the same and many are laughing.

    Susan's response? "That's just one side of me."

    And her sheer delight at the reaction of the crowd, and later of the judges, seems charming, & genuine.  She was not remotely flustered by everyone's reactions: not the first laughter & derision, and not by the turnaround when those watching realized what they were seeing.

    So:
    You can't judge a book by it's cover.
    Age is a number in someone else's mind.
    Follow your dreams.
    Take a chance.
    Savor the moment.


    Bookmark this video and watch it often.

    April 15, 2009

    New Lyrics to a great old song.

    Joel & I rewrote the lyrics to You Are My Sunshine, shortly after we were married. We're hitting 15 years next week! Yea Us!!

    You are my sunshine,
    My only sunshine.
    You make me happy when skies are gray.
    You'll always know, dear, how much I love you,
    And our sunshine is here to stay.

    I was going to post a YouTube video or two, but the real lyrics are SOOOO sad...

    Forget your troubles, come on, get Happy!
    We're gonna chase all the Blues away.

    April 13, 2009

    Two Kinds of FUN!

    People passed on two little treasures to me today that I want to save here.
    Hope you enjoy them!

    The first one is a performance by a jump-roping group called King's Firecrackers.

    I can't imagine hopping 7 times, much less 7 MINUTES! Great workout, though.



    Now, enjoy this performance in the Central Station of Antwerp, Belgium.
    It's a promo for a new TV show.

    And that concludes today's broadcast, ladies & gentlemen, and any who would choose a different category. May you set down the burdens that are not your own.

    April 12, 2009

    Braggin' on my brother

    My bro, the genius. :)

    April 08, 2009

    further exploration into my egoic minefield...

    I'm reading A New Earth and taking part in a study group. I joined for a couple of reasons that could be labeled as wrong, except that they got me there. Now, I'm working and thinking and exploring again.

    Ego.

    I've had bits and pieces of understanding about the ego, and in a small part, MY ego for a long time. I'm only just beginning to see some really fundamental issues with mine in new ways that will help me to continue growing.

    One egoic role that Tolle mentions is that of 'adult'. I'd never thought of it - adulthood - as a role. But, I can see that it  certainly has become one for me. He says this, "When you play that role, you take yourself and life very seriously. Spontaneity, lightheartedness, and joy are not part of that role."

    Well, hey. Guess who that is.

    And as I think about my self and current circumstances in the light of this understanding, I can understand how I got so (temporarily) insane over the state of our personal economy. While the drop in income was certainly startling, the panic really arose from my ego over what  people would think about me if I feel behind in the bills, or had to shut off services. And never mind that history has proven I always have enough.

    But, a key discovery I made just in the last couple of days is this:
    In spite of years of exposure to tons of traditional and esoteric material about Spirit, I still hold held the fundamental concept of God as BIG, powerful, MALE, extremely judgmental, and primarily punishing. Suffering & sin was the accepted condition for me. I was supposed to go thru this life as a less-than, supposed to put myself last, supposed to work hard for an impossible goal and hope for a reward when I am dead.

    And even though ALL of my reading & experience over a couple of decades has told me otherwise, there was that in me that held on to such a belief. What made it so powerful, I think, is that the fundamental picture remained unconscious; remained a part of my egoic role. I have avoided using the word God to describe whatever pulls me toward it, which makes sense now, when that word connotes all that makes made me afraid to be.

    This seems to make sense also when I consider my HUGE resistance to all things related to self-care and spiritual Practice. And I do mean practice with a capital P. How can I take time to practice T'ai Chi when I have not yet answered emails or edited that article or finished that project for.. whomever. All of those things have been more important than I, who must be last. And never mind that Jesus said, "love your neighbor as yourself". Never mind that He told us we could all 'do' and be as he was.

    I finally left church for the same reason I stopped attending a 12 step program. Both of them had me believe, and SAY OUT LOUD, that I am broken, and required that I label myself as something: codependent, a sinner, or a servant. Neither one allowed me to be, or even to consider that I MIGHT be, an expression of Spirit manifesting on this plane.

    Now, at this moment, I don't care about The Truth. I think there may be one; Tolle says there is, and calls it love. Makes sense - it's a good truth. Jesus called it that, too.
    What is important now is to discover MY truth.
    Who am I when I'm not in my adult role, or my caretaking role, or my 'little professor' role?
    I aim to find out.

    Interesting discoveries. Interesting life. Wonder what's next.

    April 05, 2009

    You've Got a Friend...and, at last, so do I.

    I've posted work by this sand artist before. Here's a new one (or new to me). Bet you enjoy this, too. Thanks, Shaula. :)

    And this is the beginning of a shift in tone I hope you'll hear on this blog: a little more lightness, more humor, more fun. It's not in my nature to skip the important life lessons I experience, so they will still show up here in one form or another.
    I'm just finally getting it that this life is, indeed, short. And I am finally tired of ruling my world, controlling your behavior or speech, and going (not so) quietly insane when the cosmos throws a curve.

    Instead, I'm getting good at recognizing the curves, responding in the moment; and noticing if that particular curve is for the person over there...
    Imagine that! Some of those balls are for the players in the infield.

    Born yesterday? Yep. ...well, the day before...                         :)

    March 30, 2009

    A Model for Aging Well

    Can you imagine a political figure with a 92% approval rating? AFTER she's been in office...for THIRTY-ONE years?!

    Can you imagine playing hockey at 88 yrs? Why the hell not?!
    Check out Hazel McCallion. What an inspiration! Enjoy!



    I think I'll play this everyday.

    March 28, 2009

    Aging Well ~ the Quest

    Somehow this morning (cosmically led, perhaps?), I came upon this old post of Ronni Bennett's from several years ago. Her post is about May-December romances. Mine is other...

    I was struck by this excerpt:

    "Carolyn Heilbrun, in her book, Writing a Woman’s Life, acknowledges the well-known invisibility that envelops most women at middle age, but she goes on in a manner I find encouraging:

    “We will move invisibly for a time, to relearn seeing and to forget being seen. As we grow slowly visible, we will be heard more and seen less. Our voices will ramify, our bodies will become a house for our new spirit.”.

    And there are younger men who find that spirit more attractive than mere youth.

    I'm particularly struck by the phrase, "to relearn seeing and to forget being seen". I have spent so much of my life aware of, concerned about, and afraid of what others think of me that, at times, I've been almost paralyzed. (Wonderful to have moved from that place!)

    "To relearn seeing"    
    When I was living that fear, what was I seeing? What do I need to relearn? I think it is not so much a re-learning process as it is a new learning process. I thought I was seeing - looking at - but, I was really only seeing myself, and so concerned with 'what' people saw when they looked at me that I could give no thought at all for the 'who' they might have seen. And the 'who' - the real me - was invisible, largely because I was so outwardly focused.

    As I'm aging, (thank you, god) the rest of that quote is becoming true. Again, Thank God.
    I am becoming more visible - to myself - than I have ever been. I'm more clear on the 'who' that I am, more brave, and my body is becoming the "house for my spirit".

    I had to look up ramified, and I find that that is true for me, too. I am more complex; and my spirit, my interests, indeed, my own voice are multifaceted and much more powerful.

    "To forget being seen"
    In some ways, this seemed easier for me for many years. What that ease turned out to be was, at first, just an amazing ability to avoid mirrors. It started with cameras and other people's photos of me. I just got tired of that coy, "oh, no, my hair looks terrible" type of BS and came to realize that I would never have to look at them; could forget that they existed. What a relief it was to say, 'Sure, go ahead". and just smile.  

    Now, I can consider the thought that I am truly blind if I am too much concerned with 'being seen'. I don't really see other people, or the truth of a situation if I am concerned with how I look or what others think.

    Now, I know that looking in is for my meditation or prayer. I can forget that anyone is looking. My years and my path have brought a perspective that we only gain by growing older. With a bit of open-mindedness I might even be(come) wise. As for being seen; the only opinion that really matters is my own. I'm concerned with how closely I stand by my values. When I remember these things, I am in great shape: happy, content, integrous.

    "Heard more, seen less"
    I can't say that I am seen less. What do I know of what another really sees? I do know that I care less. And this blog attests to the fact that I have stuff to say. Do you hear me?   :)
    Guess what...even that matters less to me, and ultimately matters not at all.

    It seems a bit curious to me.
    As I age, I seem to look inward much more in some respects (usually related to self-knowledge), and to become more self-centered. I think it is in some relationship to my interest in dying well. I'll continue that exploration the rest of my life, I suppose. And I can see that I also see others much better, or with thinner blinders. Perspective again, I'm sure.

    As Bette says, "From a distance..."

    March 26, 2009

    The In-Between State

    Here's a timely reminder from a good friend (Thanks, Mike) and a favorite author, Pema Chodron.

    " We are told about the pain of chasing after pleasure and the futility of running from pain. We hear also about the joy of awakening, of realizing our interconnectedness, of trusting the openness of our hearts and minds. But we aren’t told all that much about this state of being in-between, no longer able to get our old comfort from the outside but not yet dwelling in a continual sense of equanimity and warmth. Anxiety, heartbreak, and tenderness mark the in-between state. It’s the kind of place we usually want to avoid. The challenge is to stay in the middle rather than make us more rigid and afraid. Becoming intimate with the queasy feeling of being in the middle of nowhere only makes our hearts more tender. When we are brave enough to stay in the middle, compassion arises spontaneously. By not knowing, not only hoping to know, and not acting like we know what’s happening, we begin to access our inner strength. Yet it seems reasonable to want some kind of relief. If we can make the situation right or wrong, if we can pin it down in any way, then we are on familiar ground. But something has shaken up our habitual patterns and frequently they no longer work. Staying with volatile energy gradually becomes more comfortable than acting it out or repressing it. This open-ended tender place is called bodhichitta. Staying with it is what heals. It allows us to let go of our self-importance. It’s how the warrior learns to love.

    from Chodron's book,

    The Places That Scare You (Shambhala Publications)



    As are so many, we've been struggling here just a bit (or sometimes a BIG bit) over the drop in income. Readjusting has not been fun or easy.

    It is very educational on several levels. And Chodron's words here, really help. Big Breath. 

    I already know I've good at the hard stuff, so I'll get this, too. Meanwhile, learning to 'be where I am' keeps me present in the moment and in my body and lets me see, feel, and adjust to these times and my place in it all.

    March 10, 2009

    Ring finger: why that one?

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